As March is in full swing, I have made a multitude of realizations and have taken an ample amount of time to reflect on my current reality.
My current reality has changed significantly, as I have found that I have finally found some happiness, positive thoughts processes, honesty, self-love, loads of laughter, comfortability, and loads of courage. I have found myself pushing myself to be the best version of myself. Similarly, I have found myself exuding more love into the world. As a result of being kinder to myself and attempting to fill my head with kinder thoughts about myself, I have found it much easier to pass on the love onto others.
With this new sense of comfortability, I have found myself focusing a lot less on what others are thinking and/or doing, and found myself focusing more on what I am doing and what I am thinking. I guess you could call this kind of presence, mindfulness.
What used to be loud and obnoxious intrusive thoughts are now becoming hopeful, much more silent and kinder thought loops. With that said, I have found myself feeling much more self-confident. While outwardly I may attempt to appear self-confident, on the inside, I found myself crawling with self-doubt. These feelings of self-doubt have seemingly subsided and I have found comfortability and confidence to almost be uncomfortable, BECAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD.
Many of my days are spent at work, constantly working with the beautiful souls of the dogs in and around the Boulder County area, which has been one of my saving graces this month. I have connected and created relationships with many young and old pups, muts, and dogs of all sorts of breeds. Beyond that, I have begun taking on much more responsibility at work, finding myself asking for more responsbilities and taking on more responsibility, as well. The other day, I was assigned to bathe about four different furry friends. One of the furry friends, Motley, a handsome, yet enormous bernese mountain dog, happened to be one of the four dogs that I had to bathe. It was incredibly hard work, in fact, I got an arm work-out from it, referring to the bath as an “arm day bath.” Not to mention, drying Motley was a different story. While Motley’s bath seemingly took the longest and required the most effort, something amazing came from this long and hard endevour. Want to hear what happened? Well, two customers, including Motley’s mother, decided to leave me with a cash tip for bathing their dogs. Note to all: WE DO NOT ACCEPT CASH TIPS AND ARE NORMALLY NEVER TIPPED FOR OUR SERVICES. I remember kindly responding, “Please do not worry about it at all. In fact, I cannot even take that.” Motley’s mother kept insisting that she would bring more money for me for bathing her beautiful pooch next time he attended doggy day-care. After servicing Motley and his mother, Kira’s, a beautiful, white husky, father decided to also leave me with another cash tip, which I once again hesitated to accept, as I was just doing my job.
In fact, I just happened to have been fiending for dog baths that day. Beyond that, my responsibilities expanded in the sense that I have begun dipping my feet into the pool of dog grooming. By dog grooming, I simply mean that I have begun trimming dog’s nails by myself, without the help of others. Usually, I would stand by and shiver in fear of trimming a dog’s nails. Last week, however, it seemed that one of my coworkers was looking for a participant to trim Max’s, a black lab’s, nails. While he originally asked the new girl to do the deed, I could tell my co-worker realized that she was unfamiliar with trimming dog’s nails. While I have been working at Camp Bow Wow for about three months now, I have never trimmed a dog’s nails on my own EVER. Trevor, my co-worker, asks, “Hey! You know how to trim nails, right?” Without even thinking, I simply responded, “of course!” I quickly hop out of the “small dog yard,” and proceed to take Max into the backroom to clip all his nails.
I do not mention to my co-worker that this was in fact my first time clipping, or trimming, a dog’s nails. Instead with my most confident poker face, I proceeded to grab the utensils for nail trimming and grab Max’s right, back paw. After finally getting through both of Max’s back nails and trimming them into perfection, I slowly and gently calm down, as I just begin to realize that I have trimmed ten dog nails successfully! Finally, Trevor and I go ahead and grab Bowie, a grey terrier puppy, from the “small dog yard.” According to my co-worker McKenzie, Bowie was one of our smallest dogs that came to camp. This little information only intensified my anxiety, as I could not fathom how on Earth I would be able to clip such a small animal’s finger nails so carefully. It appeared as though his nails could break, let along he could break, at any given moment. I finally confess, as we are carrying Bowie to the back room, that, I, in fact, had NEVER, EVER, EVER TRIMMED A DOG’S NAILS EVER BEFORE. Finally, the truth comes out…
With that said, I ended up sawing off Bowie’s entire nail and he ended up bleeding to death…Just kidding. Everything went swimmingly, though I was more nervous trimming his nails than I am before an exam. Let us just say, I was very nervous! The nails got trimmed and no one got hurt, luckily!
What a fun, bunch of adventures I have endured at work, right?! I seriously could have no complaints. I am so enthrilled I have a new crowd of human beings to make connections with and learn from, which is always an incredible feeling. Not to mention, all the individuals I work with are incredibly uplifting and all around hilarious people. The greatest part of my co-workers is that every single person is unique in their own way – literally, we are all the slightest bit similar, but truly every single individual brings something complete unique and wonderful to the table. The one thing that we do have in common is the fact that we all do work very hard, and that our job is undermined, due to the fact that our job is to pet, take care, and love a bunch of dogs. When you are babysitting 30+ dogs per dog yard, and there are six dog yards, the number of dogs that come to doggy day care can extend up to almost 200 dogs. I believe our highest number of dogs at Camp Bow Wow that we ever held was 194 dogs, which was completely overwhelming and very loud.
The chaos of all the dog’s personalities and my co-worker’s personalities are a hilarious dynamic to watch and be apart of.
Beyond work, I celebrated Saint Patrick’s Day with some of my favorite people this year. My weekend began on Friday with a dinner at T•ACO for my very good friend, Bria Schlossmann’s birthday. Margaritas and chips and salsa (oops, do not forget guacamole and queso) filled the air and kept the entire mood alive. I, personally, ordered a “boujee margarita,” which was just as boujee as you could imagine. But, it was even more delicious than you would imagine. As we are ordering our not-so-boujee margaritas, I mention to the waitress that it is my friend’s birthday and somehow am able to coerce her into getting the entire table a round of shots, ON THE HOUSE. There you go, I am a really good friend to have around, huh?
The rest of the weekend was a hungover mess and progressed into a drunken mess…Just kidding. I managed to keep the activities fairly low-key and the drinking was not as aggressive as it could be. My best friend, Leslie Fox, kept my soul company, as we drank our Irish pride away. Her lovely brother, Phillip Fox, joined us and to top it all off, Phillip’s best friend Elliott joined us. We had a grand ole time, drinking, smoking, and eating within the quarters of her apartment. I will admit that I did take a brief 3-hour nap, in order to prevent any sort of craziness. Overall, the holiday was fairly successful and I wore my green loud and proud!
In regards to fashion, social media, and blogging, I have been very conservative with all these matters, which are all things that mean a lot to me. Recently, dogs have been just about the only thing that has been occupying my mind. However, as I am finding more and more hours in the day, I am finding more and more time to invest my time and energy into the activities and interests that I truly enjoy. I will admit that I completely missed Fashion Week (New York, London, Paris, and Milan). I did get some sneak previews, but was not able to keep up with it at all. While I still love and enjoy fashion (obviously), I have found myself in a bit of a rut. I always love growing and expanding my wardrobe and my style, however, I have found myself hitting a wall and a rut, when it comes to expanding and experimenting with my fashion. Recently, while out shopping, I have found myself not interested in many of the clothes that many stores are carrying currently. By this, I mean that nothing has quite WOW-ed me or captured my attention. This red puffer jacket in the sale section of H&M has been holding a place in my heart. In addition, this pair of red plaid cropped pants has been keeping my mind occuppied, as well. Online retailers have also not been holding my interest lately, as I am attempting to scavenge for more clothes. You can never have too many clothes, am I right? While I have not found anything quite yet, it does not mean that I do not have a wishlist of items that I would love to purchase, but just have not been able to find online or in-stores. My wishlist, includes a Lack Of Colour black cap, a pair of Revice denim, plaid/checkered/gingham pants, ANYTHING CHECKERED, an Adidas velvet tracksuit, a nice pair of high-waisted Levi’s, a Levi denim jacket, a pair of black, cropped, flared pants, some sort of two-piece matching set, a pair of hoop earrings, and a ski jacket. The list truly goes on, because if I could, I would buy everything and anything that I liked (which is a lot of things).
Fashion and my outfits have taken a back-burner in my life, mostly as a result of my job. I am covered in dogs, dog poop, dog fur, mud, rocks, etc. most of the week, which does not make my appearance my biggest priority. In my past jobs, upkeeping an appearance and staying trendy, especially when working at retail stores, was one of my biggest priorities. Now, this has become anonymous to me, as I can be found in a pair of leggings and an oversized “Camp Bow Wow” hoodie most days. As a result of my lack of upkeep during the week, or when I am working, when I am not working, I have been making a more conscious effort to wear outfits, or articles of clothing, that I normally would not wear. SImilarly, I have taken it upon myself to experiment with all the variety of clothes, shoes, and accessories that I have compiled over the last few years, in order to trick people into thinking that my wardrobe is always growing. Clothes that have not been worn in months, or even years, or EVEN EVER, have now gotten a chance to catch some sunlight and make contact with my sweatbuds, which is truly an amazing feeling. Cycling new outfits, or articles of clothing, provide an illusion for myself that my wardrobe is updated (a.k.a. not full of all the same, old sh*t that I have had for years, or maybe a week). This way, all my clothes have an opportunity to be judged by streetwalkers and strangers alike. Since the year of 2018 has begun, I have bought only two articles of clothing, including a black beret, a red, white and blue windbreaker, and a pair of black velvet, cropped pants. For those who know me personally, the actual fact that I have only purchased three clothing-related items to date is monumental, since I used to habitually go shopping every day. This habit needed to come to an end, as it became increasingly difficult to have the opportunity to wear my new clothes with more new clothes flooding in. Otherwise, my closet has remained the same size. It may have even shrunk just a little, as I donated some of my old clothes to my neighbors in my building.
With that said, social media and blogging have taken the back-burner in my priorities and interests. I spend significantly less time on social media, and much less time on my blog, than I used to spend prior to 2018. While I am still truly invested and involved in my social media work and my blogging, I have attempted to disconnect from virtual reality a little bit, in order to focus on my not-so-virtual reality. Sometimes, I would find myself getting too caught up in blogging and social media, finding myself comparing my life to others and my “social media image.” To be honest, I will never know what my “social media image” is to others, but I have placed much less importance towards displaying my reality to the public. Instead, I have chosen to keep more things to myself and live a more personal life. While I still do continue to share photos or blog posts, I will never give up my love for writing, photography, or coloring, all of which I love sharing onto my social media and blog.
The swarm of creative ideas I have had are endless, however, sometimes I find it hard to catch a break, or implement these ideas. I do have a lot of great content coming your way, so stay tuned!
My goals for March 2018 have changed quite a bit, as my goals have truly began to become more general. My first two months were filled with goals that had quick solutions, however, the rest of the goals I have set for the month of March require time and are much more objective, or emotional. Most of my goals for the month of March, include things that I would like to work on, or improve on, when it comes to my behavioral and emotional side. Some of the goals, include becoming a better listener, more adventorous, be filled with more self-love and less self-doubt, much smilier, exercise more, less reactive and much more calm when angered, stay positive, stay mindful, be invested in everything you do, more patient, more confident, and much more supportive and loving. With that said, these are more goals surrounding my personality traits, so whether I achieve them is more a personal opinion. These are always areas that I am always attempting to improve on and areas that could always use more improvement. The more concrete, less fluid goals, include figuring out my living situation for next Fall semester, figuring out my school situation, forcing myself to take the bus home from work, begin seeing a therapist and psychiatrist again, and beginning to pay off my debt to the University of Colorado, Boulder. In addition to these goals, I have made it a priority to pass on kindness and be more aware of my actions, specifically stearing away from being rude. Placing focus on happiness and positivity has left me completely in awe of how powerful positive thinking and mindfulness can be. Attempting a state of mindfulness is NOT easy by any means, but the key is to keep trying and learning. Once you begin getting into the routine of it, it will start to come naturally to you. It may come more naturally to you than breathing.
Attempting a mindfulness state of mind is not by any means easy, but once it is achieved, you will be surprised how incredible of an experience it is. For once, all my negative, horrible intrusive thoughts slowly become silenced. It is like they were never apart of me, which honestly begins to weird me out, as I am so used to my mind degrading my existence. A sense of calm, a sense of relaxation, and a sense of happiness enters my soul, as I finally find myself not squirming and overthinking every little thing. This goal is incredible to me, as it has been something I have been working towards since ‘nam.
The month of March was an improvement, when compared to the month of February! The only downside to this month was the time-change, which I completely and utterly despise. The months, and honestly the year, is going by so incredibly quickly. It is truly hard to believe!
In just about a month, I will get to witness some of my greatest friends graduate from the University of Colorado, Boulder, which is incredible and makes me so very happy. While I may not be joining them this year, I am so, so, so proud to all collegiate graduates that are graduating this upcoming Spring, but specifically my best friend, Leslie Fox. This Leslie Fox chick was told, since her freshman year, that she probably was not going to graduate. Not to mention, our peers disgraced her intelligence by presuming that she was incapable of graduating and attempted to deterioriate her collegiate existence. To satifsfy people’s needs for six months, Leslie escaped to Africa, which put her way behind schedule to graduate. Her freshman year, she was also only allowed to take nine credit hours, as a result of a horrible concussion she had endured that resulted in quite a bit of memory loss. After her quick escape to Africa, no one expected her to come back, let along get right back at it with school. My best friend is graduating this year, with a stellar GPA, with more brain cells than many can imagine, with a world full of smiles, and HER GRADUATION HAS BLOWN MANY PEOPLE INTO PIECES. Her graduation was not in the cards in many people’s minds, but she did them even better. Leslie decided to focus and consume her entire soul into her academics for an entire year, in order to make up for her first two years of college, just in time to graduate in five years. I still do not know how she was able to manage to pull it all together, however, I am so very proud of her. Other graduates that I am proud of, include Bria Schlossmann (another lovely human being that many assummed would not graduate, but somehow pulled it together) and Jenna Ramos, who no one assummed would not graduate and who is one of the greatest artists of all-time. I am so proud of these three beautiful souls, who have stayed by my side my entire college career and have made it to the finish line.
Completing an undergraduate degree is by no means easy, nor is it cheap. With that said, I may be A LOT upset that I will not be joining them on graduation day, however, I know my day is coming. With my pursuit of a double degree in Psychology, through the College of Arts & Sciences, and Advertising, through the College of Media, Communication and Information, I have quite a few more credits to fufill before I can finally put my undergraduate degrees into its’ coffin. While my graduation date is still up-in-the-air, I anticipate my graduation to occur by next Spring semester, if all goes well. In regards to academia, I was enrolled in one course this semester, which was Abnormal Psychology, a 3000 level course. This was the only course that I was able to take, as I was not able to enroll in classes at all this semester due to my outstanding debt of $3,800 that I need to pay off. Abnormal Psychology had been a self-paced online course that I had signed up for last semester. The class, which I signed up for in August, allows for a six-month deadline, which left me until Februrary of this year to complete. I was able to finish the course, with flying colors. While I struggled to complete my “Capstone” final project, due to my inability to let go of perfection, I managed to pull something out of my ass. The project, which is based on PTSD, was something that I truly felt very passionate about and was a bit of a struggle, as it was hard to focus on just a couple aspects of the “disease.” The final project taught me a lot about my own symptoms, which I am so grateful for and assisted in making me feel a little less insane.
In other news, my life is fairly consistent and stable, as I work five days of the week. Currently, I work around 35 hours a week, which takes up most of my time and energy. Consistency and stability have always been things that I have strived for and have attempted to embrace. Finally, after 22-years of living, I have found some balance, consistency, and stability within my life. After I return home from work, I can be found in my bed watching Netflix. Lately, I have been binging on The Office, Dexter, Riverdale, Everything Sucks, The End of The F*****G World, and Grey’s Anatomy. While the binging has become excessive, I have finally caught up with popular culture, or at least Netflix’s influx of original shows, or just regular television shows. For the first time in 22-years, I also have finally made some room for Steve Carrell, as The Office has suddenly become tolerable and totally funny. This is a miracle, seeing that many people tried to turn me onto the show and I never found myself interested in it at all.
My life in March 2018 has been treating me incredibly well. My goal for this upcoming April is to continue implementing and remining myself of my goals, in order to get the most out of the year 2018. While March has been smooth sailing, I do find myself a little nervous that April will bring showers. And, not the showers that you may be thinking. Showering means change, bumps in the road, and trouble. This kind of thinking should not be encouraged, as not every good thing always goes to shit. I have a lot to look forward to, as well as a lot to create for myself! The most important thing I need to focus on creating is a happy, fruitful future doing what I love.
If you would love to know what I would like to do with my future, I would respond being involved in some sort of social media marketing, a successful blog, and/or being apart of the fashion industry, whether it be working with a company, creating my own clothing line, etc. One of these days, I would love to learn to sew my own clothes, which would save me a lot of money. Sewing would not save me a lot of time and energy, however, the idea of creating my very own clothes (just the way I like them), also tailored to fit me, would be incredible. I would not mind interning for a fashion-related company, magazine, or corporation, either. With that said, in order to get more involved in the fashion industry, especially here in Boulder, Colorado, I have decided to reach out to retail stores, such as Elison Rd., in order to partner up with them and bring some light to a boutique that I particularly enjoy. In the future, I would love to partner up with a wide variety of retailers, such as ASOS, H&M, Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Pinks Denver, Revice Denim, Teleport Shoes, Pepper Mayo, Nod & Rose, or Adidas. I have a long list of retailers I would love to get involved with, and many of them are not mentioned in the list above. One thing I discovered about myself, in regards to fashion, was that not only am I a die-hard fan for 90s trends, but I am an even more die-hard fan for European fashion and retailers. The soft spot for European brands and fashion is larger than the baggiest pair of sweatpants that you own. If you do not know a pair of sweatpants, than my soft spot is larger than the entire country of Russia, Alaska, and Antartica combined, maming the spot substantially large.
As the months continue flying before my eyes, small details within my life are seemingly changing, as well. They are either changing, or I am attempting to adapt to these upcoming changes. I have begun truly attempting to not look at change as such a bad thing, though I am a creature of nature and thrive on habitual patterns. Change is a good way to remind yourself that nothing is ever going to be forever, but things can be (for)ever lasting.
With all the stability and consistency, I do find myself itching for some change and something spontaneous. The kind of change and spontanaety that I am craving is some traveling, whether it be to 7 Magic Mountains, Antelope Canyon or the Utah Salt Flats. If I am unable to travel, then I will be taking an intiative to make changes to my personal appearance, either by getting more piercings, getting a tattoo, or changing up my hair. I am leaning towards changing up my hair, by lightening the color to a light brown and thinning the crap out of my hair. Changing up your appearance is a great way to transition and celebrate the start of a new season, which is Spring.
Hopefully, with the start of Spring, will be the start of something sweet, light, and beautiful. I truly hope that something amazing begins flowering in the month of April. April is my brother’s birthday month, which I hope serves as a monumental celebratory moment for him as he turns 24-years-old. With that said, for all my loved ones struggling with finding some zen, love, laughter, happiness, answers, or even a helping hand, I truly hope that April brings everything listed above and more! I would personally like to dedicate and send some loving and happy vibes to my wonderful, intelligent, and hilarious brother, Yaphet Tewahade! My brother is currently living with me, and while we have had our troubles, he deserves infinite amounts of happiness, inner peace, laughter, joy, and all the helping hands that he can get. Yaphet is my only sibling and living with him has opened up some good and bad emotions, as all events do. I have watched him grow and flourish, but I hope in April everything that he has been working so hard towards and any self-doubt, unhappiness, and anger will dissipate.
April is just around the corner, and then Summer will be trailing right behind it.
Who has been personally victimized by April showers and Spring flowers? Please raise your hand.
(For those of you who do not get the Mean Girls reference, get with it).