Life Hack #30 – S/O To My Squad

Celebrate and shout out your fellow cheerleaders, or your support system, and do this regularly! You can never celebrate and uplift your personal cheer squad too much, as their existence in your life deserves infinite amounts of celebratory praise and appreciation. The more that you continue to acknowledge and to truly appreciate the positivity that their existence brings to your life, the more love and the more growth that friendship will begin to experience. Similarly, the more love and the more appreciation you begin to show the members of your personal cheerleading squad, the more that this individual will begin to shine and the more that this individual will begin actively exuding their best qualities, whether you notice this or not.

Everything about displaying appreciation for your support system presents positive benefits, even if these benefits may not be clearly visible for you to see.
Individuals tend to exude their best qualities and be the best versions of themselves when they are presented with positive, kind reminders of the great things that they bring to the table. In short, individuals tend to react much more positive to positive reinforcement, which can come in the form of compliments, daily reminders, etc., than they react to negativity. This is self explanatory, as human beings are programmed to respond and react in a more positive way when they are offered incentives, such as compliments, gifts, etc.

While it is nearly impossible to actively address every single one of your personal cheerleading squad with appreciation every day, however, it is incredibly important to enforce acts of appreciation for your support system, at least once a week. Tending to your support system is similar to tending to a garden; if you do not water the plants in your garden regularly, or proceed to take care of this garden, the plants in your garden will slowly begin decaying. If you continue to neglect taking care of your garden, it will result in a garden full of feeble, weak, unstable, rickety, and fragile decayed plants, which are far from accountable, let along desireable. Further neglegance over the care of your garden will result in a environment full of weeds, which will only further complicates your life by adding unnecessary clutter that you do not even want to deal with. The goal of a garden is to create an oasis, in which all of the plants are happy, healthy, strong, and stable, which are all adjectives that should describe the members of your support system. Just like your garden, you want your support system to consist of accountable, hearty, and unwavering individuals, as a strong and capable support system allows for the best opportunity for an individual to flourish and to blossom.

The foundation of one’s success rate begins with their support system, or their personal cheerleading squad. The stronger the foundation, the more stable and powerful the support system is.

A support system does not come together in the blink an eye. In fact, casting cheerleaders for your personal squad can take years and try-outs are held numerous times a month, sometimes a day. Try-outs are relentless and you will come across many desireable members for your squad, however, not every member that you cast will end up sticking around. Some cheerleaders that have made the cut for your squad initially may possess the skills and the foundation to be an excellent member of your squad, however, not every individual has the ability to mesh well with your cheerleading squad. As a result of extensive the selection process that goes into the casting process of your permanent cheerleading squad, you will encounter many temporary members, who may cheer for your team only for a short amount of time. This means that you will often find many individuals to quit the cheerleading squad, only supporting you for a temporary amount of time. These individuals are not necessarily “bad,” however, it just means that this individual just may not be the best fit for your cheerleading squad. As a result, their long-term participation on your cheerleading squad is simply out of the question. Some members of your cheerleading squad may serve shorter sentences than others who may hold a more permanent place within your cheerleading squad.

We are always changing, as our lives, so it is only natural that only a small percentage of the potential squad members are able to make the squad every try-out, as the nature, essence, goals, and priorities of the cheerleading squad is constantly changing. The permanent place-holding cheerleaders possess the qualities, patience, acceptance, and attitude to conform, and furthermore, support the cheerleading squad with their utmost ability. Not every cheerleader will possess the skills to successfully mold into the needs of the cheerleading squad, all while providing other benefits to the cheerleading squad that help the squad grow, succeed, fail, struggle, and fight. The ones that possess the love, patience, acceptance and support to hold a permanent place on your cheerleading squad time and time again are the individuals that you should never forget to shower with love, compliments, kindness, compassion, joy, and support. These people that constantly drag their booties to every life event and stand on the sidelines constantly rooting for you to succeed and to win are a rare breed, and should always be kept close to your heart.

Just like your cheerleading is constantly looking out for your best interest, it is important that you reciprocate the favor, by also tending to their needs, wants, and their best interests. After all, you do want your squad at their best, mentally, physically and emotionally.

I guarantee that all the members of your personal cheerleading squad will personally appreciate it, as it is not only polite and kind to treat people as they treat you. People will begin to lose motivation to actively work their bodies to ground for someone who either fails to acknowledge or appreciate all the good that you are doing for them. Within every functional relationship, the idea of a two-way street is always evident. It does feel nice to be recognized for your kind deeds and honest intentions, even though kindness and honest intentions do not require acknowledgement.

It is very important to get to know your personal fan-base. You should seek to form relationships with each and every member of your current squad, as knowledge serves to be a beneficial facet of building the most successful squad for your current reality. By forming personal and intimate relationships with every member of the squad, you can identify strengths and weaknesses, personalities, etc. within your squad. With this information, you can further work to mold your dream squad to showcase their utmost strengths.

Intimacy within a team of any kind functions at its’ most effective pace when members are motivated to work together. A motivation to work together sprouts from knowing, and therefore, trusting the people that have your back. It is safe to conclude that one’s ability to actively and effectively work with others closely is an important aspect in concluding whether or not they are fit to be apart of your squad. Members of your dream team should feel comfortable working with other members of your cheer squad to further benefit you, or otherwise solidify their support system.

It is much easier and comfortable living your life, knowing that you have an entire cheerleading squad behind you, rooting for you and supporting you, in sickness and in health. While it is fundamental to find support within yourself, individuals tend to experience more successful outcomes when they have a strong support system that is willing to work with you, and all your unique needs, wants, comfortability, strengths, weaknesses and your personality and behaviors, to develop a unique, effective cheer routine that caters to your unique existence, your current priorities, needs, and wants, in order to execute the routine in the most successful and most accurate way that they are able to, in order to make you happy, support you, and bring you success and happiness.

You should treat the members of your hard-working cheer squad like they are your family. Your cheerleading squad does not always have to include members of your family, however, it is important to recognize that your cheer squad is your non-biological family. They are very important forces in your well-being, happiness, etc.

No amount of reciprocation of kindness is ever too much. Throwing a themed party to celebrate and appreciate all the members of your metaphoric backbone, or spine, should be mandatory for all individuals, as we do not celebrate people’s existence nearly enough within our society. Your spinal chord, or your support system, is a very important part of your body, as it holds more responsibilities than the President of America. It is so important to take care of your spinal chord – I would even recommend spoiling your squad, especially the good ones. You know who they are!

Pampering and spoiling those you love is not a crime. Showing someone how much they mean to you speaks louder than words, and you should never take advantage of these permanent members of your cheerleading squad. These permanent place-holders on your squad do more than tolerate your existence. In fact, being apart of someone’s support system, or truly caring for another human being, is a full-time job. Their time is so valuable – do not waste their time and energy failing to acknowledge how much they do for you, whether you notice the good that they bring or not.

The way you choose to express and to celebrate every member of your support system is up to you. The size or the grandiosity of the gesture hardly plays a role in how thankful that individual be with your graceful act of appreciation. A little does go a long way, in this case.

Do not be afraid to celebrate, to enjoy, and to appreciate all the good humans that work very hard to keep you happy, healthy, and strong.

SPOIL YOUR RIDE OR DIE HOMIES. IT IS NOT A CRIME!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

No(Body) Shame You

According to Oxford Dictionary, body shaming is “the action or practice of humiliating someone by making mocking or critical comments about their body shape or size.” The issue of body shaming has become very prevalent in our society, as at least every person has experienced some sort of body shaming within their life.

Recently, as the prevalence and the extremity of the nature of the body shaming has become worse, more individuals have begun addressing the issue and attempting to take a stand against this social issue that has begun affecting many individuals lives. Technological advances have only assisted body shamers get their horrible messages across, whether it be over social media or text.

Celebrities, such as Demi Lovato, have taken a stance against body shamers, who go out  of their way to poke “fun” and take low jabs at individuals just to make an insensitive comment about the shape of their body.
It is ironic, while we all understand that not one person on this universe is going to look the same, let along have the same body type, we are not very accepting of this theory, as we seemingly go out of our way to express judgement about other people’s bodies. One’s body shape is something that can be altered, or toned, but never fully changed. In fact, no one ever had the chance to choice what kind of body they would have when they were born, so this kind of bully behavior is completely unfair and heinous.

Body shaming was first associated with individuals who shamed those who people may consider “curvy,” “fuller,” “plus-size,” or “fat.” Those who seemingly had a curvier, or bigger boned, figure seemed to be the main target of body shamers. This is a misconception, as “skinny,” “frail,” “emaciated,” “anorexic,” “bulimic,” and “tiny” individuals, or lean individuals, are also ridiculed for their body shapes, as well. It seems as though no one can seemingly win.

The misconception behind body shaming revolves around the idea that this term only applies to those who may be considered “larger,” but this is not the case. Body shaming can occur to anyone, including those lanky individuals out there.

As a person who is considered petite, I have experienced my fair share of body shaming, as I have been relentlessly taunted for my small figure.
One may think that being called “tiny” or “so skinny” is a compliment, but to a certain extent, it does everything but reassure me and make me better.
I have been called “anorexic,” “bulimic,” “too skinny,” “emaciated,” “disgusting,” “frail,” “unhealthy,” etc. to name a few, as a result of my small frame.

“Ew, stop! I can’t look at you. I can almost see all your bones, that’s gross.”

“The fact that I can see your chest bones protruding out is disgusting.”

As a very bony and petite person, it may not look like there is “much to me,” as I have been told.
Just because my shoulder bones are sharp, my elbows are bony, my butt is bony, and my chest bones are visible, it does not mean that I am any of the labels listed above.
This is just my body.

It hurts a lot.

I can only imagine what others have been called, but we can agree on one thing, and that is that it does not feel good to be humiliated or to have others passing judgement on your body. You already do enough judgement over your body yourself – the position is already filled!

I can name seven handful of times where I was scrutinized for my weight and it most certainly did not make feel good.

At a party one time, my two friends and I ran into the bathroom to pee and get some quality girl time. There had happened to be a scale in the bathroom, and while I do not use or believe in weight scales, I thought it would be fun to see how much we all weighed together if we added all of our weights up. So, I stepped on the scale without worry for scrutiny, however, as soon as the number 100.2 pounds appeared on the scale, this individual did not waste a breathe on mentioning that my weight was completely unhealthy and that I was too skinny.
What I needed to realize was that, no matter how I tried, which I tried hard for many months, that I was never going to be over 108 pounds maximum, which is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

The scale just tells you a number and it should not dictate your life, or give you an excuse to pass judgement on someone. Just because most middle schoolers probably weigh more than me, it does not mean that putting my weight on blast is going to make things better. Putting me down, or attempting to make me feel insecure about my own weight, is not going to make me lose any weight, nor is it going to make me gain any weight.

As a 22-year-old woman, trust me, I would love to gain some weight and look like I actually went through puberty.
I hate having to buy kids’ jeans in size 16, just so they will not be too baggy, as sometimes adult sizes do not fit me. I may be saving money, but I don’t particularly want to shopping in the kids’, or teens, section.
I want to weigh more than 105, which is my highest record, due to the stigma surrounding my low weight.

After hearing a lot of body-shaming comments about my petite figure, I have found it difficult from time to time to truly express how proud I am of my body and how happy I am in it. I have found it incredibly difficult to dress the way I would like to and I refuse to wear body hugging clothing, sticking to baggy clothes.

I chose to hide my figure instead of show it off, because of the backlash I have received that has made me feel uncomfortable to dress properly for my size.
Oversized hoodies, oversized t-shirts, sweatpants, flowy pants – you name it.
I would rather have had people focusing on other aspects of me other than my own weight.

Many people have their own ideas of what is “healthy,” or what is “not healthy,” but bringing others down if they do not meet your requirements for “healthy,” or “unhealthy,” is not remotely productive. Not to mention, these people are often not professionals.

For someone who gets called “unhealthy,” or “gross,” I have been told by a handful of professional doctors that my physical health is actually impressively healthy. I was even told that my blood pressure was so healthy that it was shocking, and while this may come as a shock, I do work hard to stay as healthy as I can.

While my fast metabolism seems to not let gain weight, this does mean that I do not eat a lot. In addition, I try to follow a fairly strict exercise regiment, by hiking at least three times a week and walking as much as possible. Beyond this, I have cut soda completely out of my consumption and rarely consume alcohol. If I do consume alcohol, I only drink tequila. These not so small changes allow me to feel good, and most importantly, feel good about my body, despite what others say.
Beyond these things, my heritage, Japanese and Ethiopian, also play a part in my slim body shape. Generally, Japanese and Ethiopian citizens tend to have smaller body frames, so my genetics also play apart into my smaller body frame.

Trust me, people have attempted over feeding me for months

“Oh my god, that girl needs to eat a cheeseburger,” an elderly woman mutters under her breath about me.
“The cheeseburger is on you, right??” I think to myself. Otherwise, I am not about to purchase a cheeseburger because I am lactose intolerant, and mainly because I do not have anything to prove to anyone.

These kind of comments get me extremely aggravated, as I am a very exceptional eater and cannot help my body frame.
Beyond this, it is incredibly rude to make comments about a stranger who you do not know and honestly makes me uncomfortable.

As a society, we attempt to be aware of the toll that body shaming can take on one’s mental health, physical health, and emotional well-being, but we never do anything about it. Naturally, human beings are entitled to their own opinions and pass judgement without even realizing it, however, basing opinions and judgements about someone based on their body shape is beyond disturbing and very malicious.

Human beings, both girls and boys, are very insecure about their outward appearance, especially their faces and their bodies. Any criticism towards these features can truly leave someone feeling very hurt and insecure, as many issues can develop from persistent body-shaming.

It is confusing, because human beings universally enjoy feeling good about themselves and this is something that unites us. Ironically, though we enjoy feeling good about ourselves, we intentionally go out of our way to make someone feel bad about themselves, which is once again creating a division between us.

No matter if you are big, small, lanky, short, a midget, black, white, fat, overweight, obese, average, athletic, meaty, or muscles, no one should ever make you feel bad about your own body, in which you perform life and utilize on a daily basis. Your body is truly your temple! You should respect, but so should others around you. Not everyone is going to respect your body, or even appreciate it, however, as long as you respect, love and appreciate it then it should not matter.

This society has become preoccupied with negativity and the act of bringing others down, which has exasperated issues, such as bullying, body-shaming, etc. Hate acts are being performed everywhere and people have found that bringing others down, or humiliating them, temporarily makes them feel better. Rather than celebrating and appreciating people for who they are, outward appearance aside, people have become consumed with tearing people down and attempting to humiliate them for reasons that are unknown.

We should be proud of the skin that we are living in, not living in shame and torture.

While you cannot control others and their opinions, it is important to realize that there are millions of individuals who have to deal with body-shaming, so understand that this is not something that you should be embarrassed of. Many people can relate to being body shamed, regardless of if they have the same body type as you.

Body positivity groups have become emerging to help support individuals of all body shapes and sizes to come together, help each other, and assist in spreading the word that it does not matter what body shape and what body size you are. All that matters is that you are feeling happy and comfortable in the body that you are in.

Even though the media and popular culture glamorizes being “too thin” and defines beauty based if they are skinny or not, beauty is not based on being slim. What angers me the most is that the media and popular culture has placed so much emphasis and importance towards your outward appearance that this overwhelming pressure to meet these standards have even sent celebrities over the edge. A person’s self-worth, character, and personality is NOT based on their physical appearance, especially their body size and body shape. The media and popular culture seems to tell us differently.

The goal of body positivity is not to be “skinny,” or achieving your perfect weight, it is to be happy, comfortable, confident, and healthy in your body! This does not mean that you will always feel good in your body. There will be days where you feel fat, bloated, gross, etc., but do not fret! This happens to us all, INCLUDING ME.

For those of you who are quick to tell me that it is “impossible” for me to feel “fat,” because I am “so skinny,” or “too tiny,” I am afraid that it is possible. I am a human, and no matter what, I am a human who is allowed to have off-days where I am feeling “fat,” “blah,” “bloated,” etc. I am just like every single one of you! The idea that “skinny people” are not allowed to feel fat, bloated, etc. is ridiculous and unrealistic.

Constantly attempting to live up to this impossible standard body type set by popular culture is going to be the death of you, as trying to keep up will actually end up hurting you more than helping you. Attempt to ignore the societal norm completely, and stop comparing yourself to others, and simply work on yourself and your own body.

Working hard to finally feel good, confident, happy, and healthy in your body is not an easy task, however, it is very worth it! There is never a better feeling than feeling confident in the body you are currently occupying.

This month, as bathing suit season is upon us, work on celebrating others, creating a body positive atmosphere, and not engaging in body-shaming others!
Help others by uplifting them!

Do not worry body-shaming someone will perhaps give you a moment of relief, until two moments later you begin to realize that you are unhappy with your own body.
Beyond this, what good does it do to intentionally be malicious towards someone about something that they cannot help?
If you are truly frustrated with someone’s body shape and body size, blame it on their genetic makeup, DNA, parents, their metabolism, their exercise routine, etc. Just do not blame them for something that they did not have any say in.
Even my parents did not have a say in what my body type and my body size would end up being, so at this point, there is just no reason to be mad.

Life is not a body critique competition, and NO ONE signed up to participate to compete in this competition. If this person did not willingly sign up to participate or they did not try out for this competition, their body is not being asked to be critiqued.

I may not have asked to be born, however, my contract with life never disclosed the lifelong body critique competition that I would be participating in without my own consent or knowledge.
I must say that I am dealing with a tough crowd.

To the women that told me I need to eat a cheeseburger, I would prefer a McDouble from McDonald’s, no cheese, with large fries and a large Oreo McFlurry. And, since all-day breakfast exists, I would also like to place another order for about four hash browns, please.

Please do not be spiteful and learn to appreciate people, their bodies, their existences, their souls, their personalities, and their happiness! Plus, no one really asked for your opinion on my body, so keep your opinions to yourself.

Do not let the shamers get you down.
Because, they hate you, because they ain’t you.

#NOBODYSHAMEZONE #BODYPOSITIVITY #YOUAREBEAUTIFUL #LOOKATWHATYOURMAMAGAVEYOU

What are some of the ways that you combat negative comments about your body, or deal with body-shaming?

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

 

Astrological Signage ~ Gemini

My birth date is June 10, which makes my astrological sign, Gemini. If your birthday falls between May 21 to June 20, this makes your astrological sign Gemini, as well!

For those of you who may not know this, Gemini’s are mostly known for their astrological symbol, The Twins. The Twins symbolize duality, humanism, versatility and communication. Often, a misconception about Gemini’s is that they are two-faced, crazy, eccentric, out-of-control, a contradiction, and “too much to be around.” Gemini’s get a bad reputation, as a result of astrological stereotypes.

Gemini’s, while they are represented by duality, as a result of their inability, or uncomfortability, with handling consistency and change, because their nature is restless, impulsive, indescive, easily distractable, and always seeking to find new, exciting things to experience. Gemini’s are extremely curious and always craving “new things, feelings, ideas, success, etc.,” even if bad things come from this situation. Our passion to experience life to the fullest, find adventure, and experience life from every perspective possible, is often the hardest part to understand about Geminis.

Gemini’s life color, or special color, is yellow, representing brightness and luminosity. Yellow is also the color associated with novelty.

One thing that many may not know about this astrological sign is that astrologers have defined it as the “quintessentially human sign, for it seems to sum up qualities that are the distinguishing hallmarks of the human race – intelligence (Gemini is an air sign), adaptability (Gemini is a mutable sign), and communicativeness (Gemini is ruled by Mercury)” (Woolfork, 19). While many people like to give Geminis a tough name, they are amusing and exciting to be around, due to their overarching enthusiasm for life, your love for talking to people, your adventurous attitude, your unique, almost absurd, outlook and perspective on life, and your overall energy.

Gemini’s most noteable feature is their ability to communicate with people, which arises from their curiosity and need to ask questions, as  well as their love of talking to people. I really LOVE talking to people, this is not all an act! In addition to this, all my questions that seemingly fly out of my mouth are completely real and are all asked because I am truly this curious. Also, asking questions gives me answers to things that I would have otherwise not known of! I love learning new things, no matter what I am learning, I am always game to learn new things. Knowledge is power!!
Engaging in conversation with others is not only exciting, provides information, but allows me an outlet to connect with people and my reality, in a more personal level.
While Gemini’s exude an energetic and exciting energy, on the inside, they are often dying of anxiety and overwhelming energy, all of which they do not know how to effectively allocate. Gemini’s ruling planet is Mercury, which represents quick cleverness and a nervous temperament, While their quick cleverness is visible for all to see, their nervous temperament is something that they work hard to mask, cover, and distract from.

“Gemini rules the nerves, so natives of this sign are often exciteable and high-strong. Anxiety and nervousness literally can make them sick” (173). Relaxation is a term that they are not familiar with, as they are always expending nervous energy out of them and constantly running on their own nerves.

Your high-strung nature and high energy levels are often misunderstood by other people, making it hard at times to form close relationships with others. It often takes a very patient and understanding person to truly want to invest the amount of time and energy it takes for a Gemini to truly let you into their world, and their emotions. But, I promise you that there will never be a dull moment!

Famous stars who were also Gemini, include Marilyn Monroe, John F. Kennedy, Donald Trump, Paul McCartney, and Kanye West.

Yup, the President of the United States, Donald Trump, is a Gemini, as well.
I will let you do whatever you would like with that piece of information.

Give a Gemini a chance and have the ride of your life! They may not be your cup of tea, but if you are looking for a distraction from your problems and current reality, hit your nearest Gemini up.

What is your astrological sign?

xo,

Aichan Tewahade


Sources

  1. The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need. Joanna Martine Woolfolk. Maryland: Taylor Trade Publishing: 2006. Print.

 

May The Fourth Be With You

Friday, May 4, 2018 was a beautiful day, ending on a sweeter note than it began.

I woke up at approximentally 7:05 a.m. Mountain Standard Time, and the sun had just began peeking its’ head out of the clouds, as the sun’s UV rays began penetrating the Earth, providing warmth and light for the natural world.

It truly began as a normal day, as I woke up to the sound of the season finale of the sixth season of Grey’s Anatomy. The episode was fairly dramatic, as the season finale of the sixth season of Grey’s Anatomy depicted a shooting within their hospital.
Normally, in the morning, I do not pay close attention to the sounds that my laptop is making, as it often serves as background noise. This episode seemingly caught me off-guard and captivated me so much that I was inclined to pay thorough attention to this heart-wrenching episode.
Not going to lie, I found myself tearing up during many parts of the episode.

As the season finale came to an end and another season of Grey’s Anatomy began playing, as if nothing had happened, I slowly began getting ready for the day ahead of me, which included a very brief shift at Camp Bow Wow and doing a whole lot of smiling, anxiety, and friends.

Starbucks has become a staple for me, as my venti matcha green tea soymilk latte exemplifies my existence. The clock struck 8:20 a.m. MST and I slowly began gathering my thoughts, feelings, existence, and lazy booty down three blocks. The greatest part about my apartment is the fact all the restaurants, bars, liquor store, etc. are all on the same side of the sidewalk that I live on. Without crossing the street, I have the ability to purchase alcohol, groceries, food from a structured menu, go to a bank, go to a barber shop and get a haircut, and even get my brows waxed, shaped, etc. It is incredible!

At 8:34 a.m., I found myself at the front of the line at Starbucks, as the cashier carefully charges me for my lifechanging drink.
“I have a venti matcha green tea latte with soymilk for….I do not know how to say this name,” announces the barista.
I am quick to react, as I approach the counter with my drink rather swiftly.
“Oh, how do you say your name?,” she asks. “Excuse me for not being able to pronounce your name correctly.”

“My name is Aichan, and it is pronounced *eye* *chin*,” I respond. “It is no worries.”
She carefully repeats the pronunciation of my name, as if she was to never forget it for next time.

Venti matcha green tea latte in one hand, all while hunger is on my mind.
“What to eat? What to eat…,” I wonder to myself.

I barely make it down the block before encountering a sandwhich shop called Deli Zone, in which two gentlemen are sitting in front of. I was honestly not expecting Deli Zone to be open, but to my pleasure, Deli Zone is open!
I wonder if a sandwhich even sounds good, but glance at the breakfast sandwhich menu that is pasted on the window for passerbyers to see.
It does not seem busy and a breakfast sandwhich sounds better to me than starving this morning, so I took a chance.

Deli Zone served me my bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwhich in less than seven minutes, which gave me plenty of time to wander home, indulge in some food, and then get ready for work at 11:00 a.m.

The sandwhich went down very easily and I see many bacon, egg, and cheese sandwhiches from Deli Zone in my future.

As the clock approaches 10:35 a.m., my coworker, who is an angel, calls me to inform me that she has “just pulled up,” as she was my ride to work. “Take your time, dude,” she exclaims, and I almost found myself truly taking my time, before realizing that the phrase expired in about four minutes. My opportunity for a ride to work almost seemingly expired right in front of my eyes, as I began four different projects in a matter of a 10 second phone conversation.
I was able to stop myself, before I began engaging in any of these activities, as I acknowledged the blessing of a free ride to work and the lack of judgement that I would experience for an unbrushed set of hair folicles.

Work was exciting and a joy to clock into, as one of my favorite dogs, or my DOG boyfriend, August West was checked in for a full-day of daycare, allowing me four hours to spend showering Auggie, or August, with all the love and the care that I could possibly exude.
Auggie’s smiling face is a sight that I never want to take for granted, as it brings me so much joy, happiness, peace, love, and laughs. Auggie, among a handful of other dogs that I have considered my favorites, make every day that I wake up worth it, and they give me a reason to wake up every morning and LIVE LIFE.

While I would have loved to spend my entire four hour shift in the dog yards, playing with Auggie, that just did not happen to be the case, as I was assigned to execute five dog baths before the end of my shift.
Hillary, my manager, is ONE OF MY FAVORITE HUMANS EVER and she knows how much I LOVE giving dog’s baths, so she assigns me to dog bathing duties whenever she gets the chance. Having a manager who truly cares for you, is hilarious, kind, compassionate, and hard-working, and HAS THE MOST HANDSOME DOG EVER, is a blessing that I will never actively try to take advantage. A manager who works hard to keep the staff happy, healthy, and on-task is essential, but it is unfortunately not something that comes with every job. This is one of the first jobs, where a manager has gone out of their way to recognize and acknowledge my likes and my dislikes when it comes to job duties, as well as one of the first jobs where a manager has gone out of their way to attempt to assign chores, responsibilities, and duties, based on my own personal feelings.

My life has been full of giving a variety of dog’s baths, as I smother them with shampoo, conditioner, and warm water.
It has also been full of long hours interacting with the Pet Dryer, which 98% of the dog’s hate, and attempting to manipulate the dog’s to sit through getting dryed by a blow dryer with a handful of dog treats.
“Whose a good girl? You are a good girl,” I exclaim to them. For all the males in the house, I find myself exclaiming, “Whose a good boy? YOU ARE A GOOD BOY.”
These dog baths have left me covered in dog fur, as most of the dogs are currently shedding their winter coats. Sometimes, the excess fur even made its’ way into my mouth, which I found completely unnatural.

After finishing my shift at work, I wandered over to the nearest Wells Fargo, in order to pull out some cash dollars for spending.
Post Wells Fargo, I found myself at my friend, Shannon’s, apartment, where we caught up with the drama of our lives. Shannon is a dog owner, actually. In fact, she has the cutest husky ever named, Sadie, who can light up an entire room in seconds.

An hour with Shannon was not enough time for either of us to fully catch eachother up on our lives, but we were able to cover some of the bases.
When I first met Shannon, I did not think that a true friendship would end up evolving, however, as I have spent more and more time with her, I have found that her company and her existence is something that I would like to keep close to me.

At around 6:00 p.m. MST, I found myself in my studio apartment, listening to the dramatic sounds of Grey’s Anatomy.
I took a shower and began reaching out to friends, family, and acquitances.
It is always good to catch up with the people in your life, but it is even better when someone else reaches out to you that you did not expect.

As I mindlessly texted my family a fairly long update on my current life, I received a Facebook message from someone who I did not expect would ever reach out to me. Even after processing the message and who had sent it to me, I thought for a second that it was a joke. But, regardless of if it was a joke or not, I figured that the message caught me off-guard, made me smile, and was a nice gesture, so I prompted a response.
Surprisngly, the response I received addressing my response to his original message was just as sincere as I had not imagined.
The message was essentially an invitation to a concert, in which one of my best friend’s manages. The individual who invited was not my best friend, but the artist himself, which prompted me to immediately buy tickets to support their concert, their success, and their passion.

The message from the artist further prompted me to text my best friend from middle school, who I had not seen or talked to legitimately for over a year.
I honestly did not expect a response from him, as he may be worse at texting and using his phone than I may be. This essentially means that I seriously never get a chance to speak with him, even though I love him so much!
BUT, REGARDLESS OF MY DOUBTS, AN IMESSAGE RESPONSE FROM MY BEST FRIEND WAS WHAT I GOT.

“Aichan!”

“How did we meet?”

Not only did my best friend grace me with one iMessage that clearly spelled out my name and included an exclamation mark, but he had double messaged me, which was something that he rarely did and often yelled at me for.

So, I told him the story of the beginning of our friendship, which lead to a conversation that was much needed for our friendship.
It had been over a year since I had truly had a conversation with this friend of mine, who, no matter what he does, manages to put a smile on my face.
It is honestly incredible that this best friend of mine has managed to stay in my life for over eight years. It is even more incredible to me that this person that I am so blessed to have in my life is able to find time, enough care, and enough love to always find a way to look out for me.

It is a rare, but incredible day when he responds to my iMessage for longer than five minutes, but it is an even better day when we share an actual conversation in regards to our feelings, our lives, etc.
As he confides in me the anxiety he is facing and the emotions that are beginning to hit him as a result of finishing his undergraduate career, I find myself reminding him how amazing of a person he is, how many GREAT memories we have shared together, and how much his own advice and his existence brings so many people SO MUCH JOY.
This best friend of mine, who we can call “MJ,” is one of the only people in my life that I truly listen to and hold to a high regard.

It is not every day that you meet someone so exceptional that their existence does not anger you, but instead the longer that I have known this person, the more fond I have found myself of him.
I am not very honest about my emotions and inner demons, especially with my peers or anyone who is NOT me. However, MJ has managed to break down my emotional walls and has allowed me to find comfort in his friendship, as I can always trust him with my life.

This conversation with MJ was much needed, as we finally shared a meaningful conversation about EVERYTHING. MJ even made me watch the 43 minute TMZ segment interview with Kanye West. At first, I was caught off-guard by his attention towards Kanye, as I figured that MJ did not appreciate, love and worship him as I do.
Even eight years and a few months later, we still find new things to come together about, which is an element of friendship that is often rare to experience.

This conversation almost served as a prayer that had been answered, as I have been craving for some time with MJ.
It was a little ironic that with the close of his undergraduate career that we were finally able to execute the conversation that I had been wishing for.
As we reminisced over our youthful days, I reminded MJ that the end of his undergraduate collegiate career only marks the end of another chapter within our lives. My friendship with MJ has experienced the opening and closing of many chapters within my life, including middle school, high school, hoodrat shenanigans, trouble, and our collegiate chapter.
I reminded him that coming to the end of his undergraduate collegiate career was no different than the end of his middle school career and his high school career.

While fear and uncertainty cloud individuals in all stages of their life, it is important to celebrate, acknowledge, and fight for the consistently positive and stable aspects of your life. It is important to hang onto as much consistentcy as possible, and with consistency hopefully comes something that brings you unlimited amounts of happiness, positivity, and honesty. Hopefully, the consistency within your life also gives you people, who are constantly looking out for you and rooting for you, which results in something worth fighting for!

Today was a good day! Today restored some faith in me that the world still remains the kindest place on this planet.

Happy Friday to all and a jolly weekend to all. Never stop trying to fight for more goodness within your life & stop surrounding your thoughts with so much self-doubt.

We all have something incredible to offer the world and I am lucky to experience the incredible that you have to offer the world.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

It’s Reflection O’Clock – April 2018

Wow, April…you sure flew by like a breeze. I began April on a somewhat shaky note, after enduring some tension with my older brother, who is also one of my best friends. My brother had been living with me for the last four months, as we began spending every waking moment together, in order to make up for lost time while we had been apart in college. While we had our disagreements and tussles, the beginning of April began feeling a little empty and lonely without his presence.

Without him by my side the last few months, I will willingly admit that many of the responsibilities, among many things would never have been completed. In addition, having him around forced me to do more challenging things than I ever thought I was willing to do. I gained so much while we were together, and sometimes, I forget how much fun it is to have a sibling to tussle with. While things did not work out with our living situation, good things did come out of the attempt at living with my brother. The list goes on, and it goes on. I am forever indebted to him and will forever love him.

You see, while I may write eloquently or appear to be easy-going, carefree, and completely confident, I am far from that. I am a very difficult person to live with, which is something I have learned after many failed attempts. In addition to this, being a close friend, or even an acquaintance, of mine is also a very difficult task – you can ask my parents about this one. Trust me, I am far from perfect. Dealing with me and my confusing, and often, overwhelming and misunderstood, energy requires a lot of time and patience that I sometimes do not even have. I have realized that I have inanimate emotional walls that are taller than the tallest skyscraper that I keep up in order to avoid revealing myself. I love relationships to be surface level, because then, no one sees the ugly, the weak, and the ridiculous. This is something that I often forget, as I begin forming new friendships with new people, often forgetting how incredibly difficult it is to get to know me on a deeper level, let along get me to hang out with you without flaking.

Most days in April were good…yes, they were good. I did my best not to complain and to push myself to get out of my routine. I have begun spending more time with my companions and attempting to be more adventurous and spontaneous, rather than attempting to be too synchronized and scheduled. I opened my heart to some opportunities that I was unsure of – actually, more than usual. Not every adventure was comfortable, or even successful, but I would not even have those memories, or even those feelings about those memories, if I had not attempted to expand my horizons.

The smooth ride of April has had a few speed bumps, as we approach May. The month of May has already begun frightening me, as I have to brace myself for more change than I even intended for. I have very good friends who are finishing their undergraduate degrees and moving on, I have to face my own obstacles regarding my own undergraduate degrees, I have to face my best friend and my most consistent friend throughout my collegiate years, Leslie Fox, leaving Boulder, Colorado, and I need to face the unknown.

Deep down, I know things will be okay. I will be okay. I even know my friendships will be okay. But, my heart, mind and soul will hurt to adjust to all these changes.

These changes are motivating me to not get too comfortable, as I have been finding myself procrastinating future obstacles and not addressing them. Ignoring your problems will work until life forces you to face them without your consent. You see, there is often a deadline for everything in life. I have learned that the earlier you complete your mission prior to the deadline, the happier, the healthier, and the more enjoyable your life will be. With that said, this is easier said than done, as some days, we are prone to forgetting, we are defeated by outside forces, we have other obligations, or it is just not meant to be.

With so much change happening, mostly the departure of some very good companions, I have found that there has been much more time to clearly and carefully begin addressing everything that I have been setting aside for later. Less friends nearby means more time to focus solely on myself and be much less distracted. Or, that is what I keep telling myself. I know that there will be many days where my heart will be missing something that is just not in my reach.

Saying “good-bye” is extremely difficult for me, as I have a huge fear of abandonment problem and hate any form of change. I love consistency, especially within my friends, and I thoroughly enjoy when they are close in proximity. College has made it easy for me to access friends, companions, or in my case, my best friend within walking distance. I am able to access her so easily, and this has been the case the last five years. Leslie Fox may be the sole human being who can actually stand me in huge doses, as well as always being confused as roommates. Our friendship was not condoned by just about everyone we encountered, but I guess that is the reaction you receive when you have found a partner in crime so early in the game. I never really thought about our undergraduate journey coming to an end…or, I thought that our journey would come to an end together. Either way, I was not, and am not, ready for her to leave in three short weeks.

In three short weeks, I am going to have to make the biggest adjustment of my life, which will be living my life without MY PERSON. Call me “dramatic,” but after all that we have gone through, I am not sure what I am going to do without her by my side. Having a side-kick, or simply someone who just understands you, loves you, and accepts you, even when you are THE WORST, is a wonderful feeling that I truly hope everyone can experience. We have spent probably over one billion hours on her green couch. I almost consider that green couch a part of my family. I have slept on that green couch more than I have slept on my own bed.

It has been awkward for the both of us, as we have been fidgeting to try to find time to spend every waking minute together and attempt to adventure everywhere, before our reign over Boulder is over.

It will never truly be over in our hearts, as my memories with her are everlasting. To be honest, I just feel as though Boulder will just not be the same without her by my side. Even when we were fighting, I knew that if I truly needed her, she was only 1.2 miles away walking, or a seven minute drive. All my best decisions, I make with her. All my worst decisions. I make with her. All my decisions that I do not make, or are unsure of, I make with her.

Wow….that was almost a love letter to my main wifey. I am feeling a little bit emotional, but that is alright.

Enough with the emotional chatter now, and time for some motivation and some positive outlook.

Even if you end up being miles apart from your partner in crime, it does not mean that you will not have fun, or make new friends, as well. This is something I am keeping in mind. Instead of forcing friendships, however, I am going to let them come naturally.

As I have reached this point in my life, I have noticed that ALL MY GOOD FRIENDS ARE BUSY, LOST, STRESSED, STRUGGLING, CONFUSED, HAPPY, AND ARE DOING THEIR BEST TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT AND GET IT RIGHT. Nothing in life is guaranteed, as things can change in a blink of an eye. Not one person’s journey will be the same as another person’s journey. All I know is that NO ONE REALLY TRULY HAS ANY IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, WHAT THE FUTURE WILL HOLD, OR HOW TO GET “UNLOST.”

At the end of the day, life will never settle down, as life lives a very polyamorous lifestyle. It is very frustrating at times, but this is what allows for new opportunities to come your way and for new chapters in your life to begin. This is only if you allow yourself to do so. I have found that within your one life, you experience a multitude of various life phases that all differ from each other. Within a separate phase, you find yourself attempting new goals, surrounding yourself with different faces, and are often under different circumstances. As you transition through life, you are also transitioning into another separate phase of your existence.

It is ironic how everyone tells you that there is so much left in your life to look forward to when we all know how terrifying that sounds, because you do not know how much more change, opportunities, and experiences you can manage under your belt. Also, it is hard to imagine that you have so much to look forward to when you cannot see what you are supposed to be looking forward to right in front of you. So, what is exactly am I looking for? I do not think anyone knows, other than forward. Whoever forward is, they must be very pretty for everyone to be looking at it, or at least searching for it.

My year up until April has been pretty phenomenal as a whole, as I hate nitpicking at all the negative times. I know my life is good right now, because the positives constantly outweigh the negative events, emotions, and days that I have had. 2018 has also been one of the most unsynchronistic years that I have ever experienced, as it has been full of so many changes and adjustments.

April has allowed me to focus back on myself, while also allowing me to truly enjoy myself and spend as much time with my loved ones that I can. I have also learned to be much more patient with myself, as change does not happen overnight. The small steps that I am taking towards self-improvement may not seem monumental in the moment, but they result in benefits that will never stop revealing themselves. By learning to be much more patient and understanding with myself, I have finally got myself getting physically active again, after a long while of inactivity. While I am not hiking three times a week, I have begun taking the small steps to slowly but surely get there. In addition to this, I slowly but surely have been allowing myself to let my towering emotional walls down and have begun attempting to trust others. as well as beginning to trust myself and trust life. Trusting has been difficult, but not impossible, as inconsistency and changes often make me doubt everything. Lately, I have found myself just allowing myself to dive into the unknown, even if I do not trust it.

My brother once told me, “Don’t worry, not everyone in Boulder is out to get you.” While this seems silly, this is a great reminder for me, as I often always find myself on the defense. Sometimes, it does seem like the world is completely against you and it can be extremely difficult. It is times like these when you need to test yourself and push beyond your boundaries, by replacing your insecurities, doubts and voids with positive, strong and reinforcing habits that keep you in check. I am currently in the works of searching for new mechanisms and habits to engage in, in order to keep filling my heart, soul and existence with goodness.

Now, I could go on forever about this month of April, which was full of magic, happiness, drama, boredom, bad news, and everything in between. It is coming to an end, and I must say that I am proud of myself this month. I have come to realize that I cannot be perfect and I will slip up, even when I am trying to be my best, but that is okay. I have also realized that having fun, or engaging in some sinful behavior every once in a while, only makes me human. I am allowed to have fun, within limits, however, constantly beating myself up for following through with a premeditated party plan, does not make me a child, irresponsible, a drug addict, a partier, etc. These are all labels that I have let affect me, which even has led me to believe these horrible labels. These labels have haunted me and choosing to let them control me, or defining myself based off of an outside label that is not from a professional, is quite debilitating and completely toxic. As human beings, we cannot help but make a bad decision, or seven, because WE ARE HUMANS. Also, there truly is no RIGHT answer in life, as life is an experience full of every hue, shade and tone that has ever existed. What may be considered right to one person may be something that another person considers wrong. So, it is our duty to decide, or rather, set boundaries, in regards to being reckless.

Every month that has gone by this year has continued to only get exponentially better and better, as I have found some real computability in enough facets of my life that I have found ways to relax. I am continuing to experiment with life, if that makes sense. By experimenting, I do not mean that I am a scientist, but I do mean that I am attempting to work IN ACCORDANCE WITH LIFE, similar to a partnership, in order to LIVE MY BEST LIFE. I am finding hobbies, coping mechanism skills, behaviors, etc. that are working and that are beneficial, and I am also finding hobbies, coping mechanism skills, and behaviors, etc. that are not working for me and are only negatively affecting me. With that said, after one negative experience, or a few negative experiences, instead of coldly turning a blind eye to the idea completely, I have found myself giving that experience another go. I believe the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” With enough persistence, practice, and patience, any experience can truly become a phenomenal one.

‘Nuff said – I am interested to see how my reflections for the month of May will read, but I am willing to attempt to make it great, even if it hurts a little, scares me a little, or sucks all around.

I am ready, or not, so here I come!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

P.S. Thank you for reading! Please feel free to share your thoughts on the month of April in the comments below, including “the highs” and “the lows.” Keep a smile on your face and never lose hope! Fight for your life, but do not end up fighting life 💕

Hope you all had a wonderful month of April! You deserve it.

Prank Calls From The Pretend IRS

I cut a deal with the IRS for my freedom, after being charged with three federal counts of federal tax income crimes. It was quite easy.

….Not really, but keep reading to find out more.

Absurd.

It begun just another really dope, somewhat normal day. I woke up ambituous and ready to face, address, and accept the road blocks that are presented right before me.

While my attitude was excellent and my initiative to face the unavoidable hurdles that is my life was out of this world. I was even very proud and astonished by my will to take action and make things happen.

This day was the perfect day, until all my efforts while I was being productive were seemingly wasted, when one thing did not go the way that I expected it to. The specific event involved searching for a new living space, as my lease for my current studio apartment becomes null in August. This apartment seemingly met all my criteria and was in a location that I loved. I was already to sign the lease before seeing the apartment unit. My heart was quickly broken when I was informed that all the apartment had already been leased.

Now, do not worry. This first hiccup in my day caused an all natural domino effect, resulting in many things going the exact opposite way than I had imagined, intended and wanted.

Exhausted from hearing the word “no,” I silently slumped over my bed uncomfortably and began staring at my white walls.

White walls can only entertain for so long until you remember that you have a cellphone, which I frequently leave on “do not disturb” mode, as I do not like being disturbed.

To my dismay, I discover that I missed a call from an unknown number. While I usually never call people back, let along call unknown numbers back, I figured that I was bored enough, so why not give it a chance.

The call went straight to voicemail. Whatever.

Oh wait, my iPhone was just lagging and this unknown number left me a voicemail. “Sweet! I wonder what this voicemail is going to say,” I think to myself.

…………………………………………………………..Please, prepare yourself for the greatest story of your life.

I quickly press the play button, as I am curious to listen to this voicemail. The first .001 seconds of the voicemail was lovely until I hear that the United States Treasury is calling me. I replay the beginning about 70 times to make sure what I was hearing was real.

Okay, so after getting past the fact that the government is reaching out to me, the voicemail continues to inform me that, “I must call back immediately, as the IRS is filing three counts of criminal tax charges against me.”

Hold the phone.
Oh wait, I am…

“After ignoring our last few attempts to reach out to you, this is your final warning to call us back before we file a warrant out for your arrest. Do not miss your upcoming court date next week.”
In this very moment, while tax fraud does not sound like me, ignoring their attempts to reach out to me sounds like something that I would do. However, I never was informed about a court date.

I am very confused, nervous, scared, and not sure what to do.

I am weak and decide to call back.

A man named Pete, who supposedly worked for the IRS, gave me my case number and explained my circumstances and all the criminal actions that I had unknowningly engaged in. Honestly, out of all the government organizations, the IRS was the LAST government agency that I thought I would be having problems with.

This conversation with Pete was the most stressful and jaw-dropping phone conversation that I had ever engaged in.

Let me be the first one to know that I know nothing about taxes – literally, nothing. I am not being sarcastic. I did mention this to Pete, as he explained all my tax manipulating errors that I had made. Immediately, I tell Pete, “I should not have even filed my taxes like I was planning to.”

Pete, who I later come to discover works for a hoax company, would not stop accusing me of manipulating my tax return from 2017. I began getting heated, as I could not stop explaining to Pete that my tax return last year was $0, so there was no way that I could have manipulated the system.

The number of times I explained to Pete that not only did I not know anything about taxes, but that I barely could understand Turbo Tax was ridiculous.

His accusations were firm, as I asked for a timeline of my actions, in which I may have unconsciously manipulated many calculations in my tax return, in order to get more money. Many of these false charges were beyond me, as I did not understand what the crime even was, or how to perform it. With every criminal charge against me, I had to ask Pete for an example of that crime, so I could better understand what was going on.

The timeline of my illegal activities was necessary, since I had never committed them.

As the conversation became a full-blown argument, Pete pulled out his big boy toys, stating that if I did not pay the oustanding balance of $2,999 that I would be spending 48 hours in prison until I was sentenced.

HOLD THE PHONE, AGAIN.

I sat in silence, jaw hanging to my toes. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THE DAY THAT I WOULD BE GOING TO JAIL WOULD BE OVER TAX FRAUD THAT I DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO COMMIT. Let along, the fact that they never warned me prior to this phone call that I would be in jail if I could not pay that balance in full.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen….Pete made me sob, like Kim Kardashian cry face and snot running down my face.

Now, you all may be wondering how I did not pick up on any of these red flags that this phone call was just a sham, but gullible is written on the ceiling and on my soul.

I begin complaining that I cannot go to jail, because I would be fired from my job, etc.

Then, I began asking the real questions, as if I had accepted the fact that I am guilty to false claims of tax fraud.
“So, wait. Does this mean that this will literally ruin my life? Like, I know I will be breathing and living life, but will this stick on my record and ruin all future opportunities?”

“How could I committ these crimes without knowing it? I do not even know anything about taxes, other than you have to use Turbo Tax to file them.”

“I do not know what taxes even are really. I know they go towards the government.”

“So, what exactly did I get caught doing?”

“How did I now know that there was a warrant out for my arrest?”

“I hate Turbo Tax.”

Pete, who probably began running out of material, states to me that our phone conversation is being recorded, so I need to be careful with what I am saying. He also requests that I give him five minutes of my time, in which I must spend it listening to him attentively describe the nature of these fraudulent crimes that I did not commit.

“I am shook.” I stated, all while sobbing. I begin to lose all ability to form sentences, as I am completely dumbfounded. I truly could not believe that this was how I was going down.

Pete has nerve, as he continuously repeats, “calm down,” at me every five seconds.

“Calm down,” he keeps repeating.

Gentlemen, it is very common knowledge that you just simply do not tell a woman to “calm down.” This will only provoke the female.

I held back every insulting word that I could call him, only saying witchy things about him under my breath.
Finally, after requesting that I calm down for the seventieth time, I explain to him, “No, I will not calm down. How can you be calm when you never knew the IRS was charging me three federal crimes, and you only just find out through a voicemail that the IRS is wishing to sue you?”

Instead of having social etiquette, Pete continues to fuel the firecracker within me by speaking provoking phrases, such as, “I do not believe you. You are not allowed to lie. If I find out that you are lying, you will regret it. I do not believe that you have good intentions.”

Don’t worry, guys…I am still dumbfounded. Also, are you kidding me? The only person’s intentions that are not pure are his.
Right back at you, partner.

Now, this phone game went on for about an hour, as I continued to state my case about how it was simply impossible for me to have committed tax fraud and not know that the IRS has been searching for me since November 2017.

I was simply not backing down, but not on purpose. I was simply confused.

Even Pete realized that this conversation was going nowhere, so he tried to offer me a fairly cheap price for my freedom for three federal offenses. Man, $2,999 is a steal for freedom, except I am broke college student, who is drowning in debt.

Pete continues to explain to me that this could all go away, if only I just paid the amount in full. Pete was persistent. He asked a handful of times, in which my answer was the same – that I could not afford to pay that off. He even used intimidation tactics, explaining that the police would be at my door soon to take me into custody.
You see, what Pete did not understand was that no matter how intimidating the threats may have seemed, I could literally not even pay half of the amount that I owed. So, regardless of what happened to me, Pete was not going to get the money. I even explained that I could attempt to sell everything in my apartment, but that I still believed I could not pay off that amount.

Pete even began bargaining, slowly lowering the price for my freedom, which I already had. $1,000 became the new price for my freedom and a clean record.
This Pete thought he was really clever, but the joke was on him, because I do not even have $1,000 in my bank account.
“I wish I had $1,000 in my bank account,” I muttered under my breathe.

Pete was shocked at how poor I was, as he finally crosses every boundary known to man, asking me to disclose how much money I currently have under my name. He made sure to list that this total includes my savings account, my checking account, and any credit cards.

To Pete’s dismay and my own dismay, I had nothing short of $433.07 in my savings account, and an outstanding balance of -0.14 cents in my bank account.

This is when even Pete realized that not only did he just waste his own time with one of the most frustrating, annoying, and ridiculous person, but that all the time he spent trying to intimidate me was all for close to nothing.

Finally, after realizing that my money was barely going to get me anywhere, let along him, Pete asked me if I wanted his help to make this debt go away. He also mentions that he somehow has the power to make this all go away.

I finally decide to speak up, “No offense, Pete. But, of course I want help and I want this to go away.”

Do not worry, I still have not processed what has happened.
Tears and snot are running down my face, and my jaw is hanging lower than your chain.

Pete’s failed attempt at hitting the motherload of cash finally resulted in him “helping me out.”
He may have been annoyed of my voice, my crying, my complaining, my endless rants, my endless questions…we will never know.

The phone conversation ends with Pete reassuring me, in which he states, “Do not worry. You have nothing to worry about. I am going to make this all go away.”

Of course, I have to get the final word in, in which I state, “Do not worry, I will worry.”

And, that concludes the most jaw dropping phone conversation that ever came to be.

It was not until I spoke with my mother, post phone call, that she informs that I am in fact “so stupid.”

Why am I the stupid one?

OH YEAH, LET ME TELL YOU.

My mother taught me something very important today, which is that the IRS does not have anyone’s personal phone number. To make sure I knew how gullible I was, she stated, “Google exists, Aichan. Just Google their phone number…it’s just a random cell phone number from New York. This is a sham.”

Once again, I find myself dumbfounded.
That was the most incredible prank call ever.

The end.

The only lesson that can be learned here is that Pete is heartless, willing to put a 22-year-old emotional wreck to tears, just to get $2,999. The joke is ultimately on him, but also it is still on me.

Yup, the joke is still on me, simply because of the fact that I almost accepted the fact that though I did not commit the crime, you cannot argue with the government. The government is always right, right?

The best part is that Pete will never forget me, as I managed to try to barter and defend my honor and my lack of income, all while completely wasting his time. The poor guy did not even receive a penny out of me, only 50 minutes on the phone with me.

Just another average Thursday, right? Getting calls from unknown numbers, all while strangers are intentionally informing innocent victims, such as myself, that the IRS is seeking a warrant out for my arrest on the count of three federal tax crimes. All of which I did not commit.
What possesses people, specifically Pete, to make up such a startling and false accusation all for the love of money still continues to urk me. The more disturbing part was after the discovery of my low income Pete acted as if nothing happened. As if his loss of interest in my lack of money was not offensive enough, I am offended that he ruined a portion of my day by creating false, VERY SERIOUS news, claiming that I was a criminal and going to spending a good portion of my life in federal facility.
The saying may be “don’t kill the messanger,” but you are allowed to kill messangers, who deliver absurd, heinous, disturbing, FALSE news just in an attempt to get free money.

The mental distress Pete caused me was not acknowledged, just like the fact that he had completely made this all up just to get a sneak peak at my bleak bank account.

After finding out how broke I really was, it was incredible to me how my three federal charges seemed to disappear into thin air, as if it never happened. Because, maybe, quite possibly, they never did happen.

Pete never missed a beat, especially when he disclosed that the cops were on their way to come arrest me, put me in handcuffs, and take me into custody. But, alas, I will still be just as broke, even if the cops are on their way to bring me into custody for three federal tax offenses that I was accused of committing.

This is the most intricate lie that I have EVER heard. Pete is incredibly creative, that is for sure. I will never forget the day that I almost went to federal prison, because the IRS was charging me with three federal tax income charges that I did not commit. Oh, and I will definitely never forget Pete. I will also never forget the fact that I totally believed the lie, and despite my heart-wrenching, totally candid breakdown, in which I begged for mercy, I discovered that Pete was “one of those people,” who will literally do anything for money.

“Like, I am REALLY in trouble, huh?”

“So, I am really going into jail…wow…”

Sincerely,

Confused Falsely Accused Federal Tax Income Criminal

P.S. If I was ever to talk to Pete again, I would ask him if he has multiple heinous, intricate, life-ruining lies he uses to get money from people, or if he is a one-lie type of guy.

WTF THOUGH I AM STILL SO CONFUSED AND BAFFLED BECAUSE I REALLY BELIEVED PETE, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW I DID NOT COMMIT THESE CRIMINAL ACTS INVOLVING FEDERAL TAXES!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!
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Stay tuned to find out whether or not the IRS is still charging me for three federal tax return income crimes.

 

To My Beautiful Angels

It began in 2015, when I first got the hardest kind of news – that someone I had once been close with had, in fact, passed away. The first angel that left my world too young was named Dalton Bane.

How does one describe Dalton Bane? Dalton was one of the most kind, loving, genuine, ball of fun. He was in the same grade as I was and the same age as me…I could not understand how and why this happened. I first met Dalton at our mutual friend, Nadia Graham’s 16th birthday party, which was held at the Omni Hotel in Broomfield, Colorado. This was a huge deal, as a high schooler all you ever wanted was an excuse to do dumb things with your friends, with the assurance you had s place to sleep. I was very excited, except that I knew no one at this party, since Nadia had just transferred schools. I am awkward to get to know, but after a few shots of vodka, I can be petty friendly. Out of the 20 people that had attended the birthday party, Dalton was the first person to approach me and make. y time a little awkward. It did not take long for us to get stuck in the bathroom together – I believe that, after hanging out for 40 minutes in the bathroom, we tried to put on fake eyelashes onto each other. The rest of the night was so much simpler and fun with Dalton right by my side, entertaining and cheering me on. I did not see much of Dalton once I began attending school in Niwot, no longer was I in Broomfield.

Thank goodness, college graced us an opportunity to reunite once again. Dalton was still the fun, sassy, loving, and amazing human being ever. Nothing has changed since I had last seen him. We picked up our friendship where it ended, and spent a handful of nights doing silly things. His energy could light up an entire universe. Giving Dalton a hug is like giving LOVE a hug. Every hug was warmer than a warm welcome. Dalton’s outgoing nature was unmatched, and his ability to share love and kindness with strangers was moving. You can never be mad at Dalton, because his soul was so pure. His energy was so kind and inviting, it was truly intoxicating. He was such a powerful person, who radiated joy and innocence, yet I feel as though he had no idea how incredibly moving his presence was. One of. u favorite memories with Dalton was during the infamous Boulder Flood, and I believe we played lacrosse inside. Either Dalton or I broke a mirror doing this, and Dalton had to walk me back to my dorm room. Even when he was taking care of me, he made sure I was okay and put me to bed, then made friends with all my dorm hall mates. How someone can be so personable still baffles me!

Beyond his incredible personality and demeanor. Dalton was incredibly intelligent. I do not think people recognized how intelligent he was, and I can say that I am guilty of this. Dalton had the power to change the world and help so many souls, if only he was not taken from us so early.

What I hope he knows is that even with his short life, his existence alone brought so much life, happiness, and compassion to a world that sometimes can be dark, cruel, and unamusing.

Dalton is an angel among angels, still doing his due diligence to bring life, positivity and joy to people, uplifting thousands of other souls with his incredible spirit.

After Dalton passing, I experienced two more friends passing. Each one was on the first Monday of a new month, so the beginning of each month on Monday was rough. While I am not quite ready to speak about these deaths, to those beautiful souls, I miss you.

Some time passed and death had seemed to given me a break and a minute to breathe.

This was until yet another incredibly young, intelligent, authentic, empathetic, kind, graceful, and gangster young man, who went by the name of Ryder Johnson slipped through my fingers. Ryder J, as I called him, was one of my best friends, as I spent days on end hanging out with hiking, listening to Juicy J, doing reckless things, going on impromptu adventures, and smoking a Ryder J blunt (sorry, mom and dad!). Oh my goodness, where do I begin with Ryder. To begin, I was honored to be friends with him and did not deserve the kindness and compassion that he exuded.

The first time I met Ryder, it was August 2013 and it was a beginning of four inseparable years together. I miss him so much. I will never forget meeting him for the first time. Within 30 minutes of meeting me, he spoke to me some of the kindest words I have ever heard about myself. He claimed, “Aichan, you are one of the most amazing, awesome, hilarious people I have ever met. I hope you never are unhappy.” This, coming from one of the most selfless and generous people I have ever come across was so humbling. While Ryder J, my boy, had his faults and his ups-and-downs, just like anyone else and struggled with some backlash, I saw so much good in him. Ryder Johnson taught me so much – I still look up to him. He’s soul was just GOOD, and the endless lectures about how never to rip anyone off, be mean to people, and always give to others more than what they are expecting. And, by that, I meant to say that Ryder would lecture me about the importance of kindness and that doing others wrong is simply no way to live. It was incredible – he literally had no bone in his body, nor would his soul let him, ever not go above and beyond for a person. His nature to do good and always participate in the act of random acts of kindness was so natural and genuine. Ryder never had a bad intention in his heart, somehow, someway he just was not programmed to do that.

Ryder’s love for nature and hiking helped bond us very quickly, as we explored so many trails all over the Boulder County area. Our summers consisted of meeting up with Ryder and him hopping in his car, driving us to a random trail and enjoying nature.

Beyond that, no matter how bad he was struggling, he never broke his ability to be there for others. His mission on Eartb was to make others happy. No matter what went wrong, he always made time to ask people about their days and be there for others.

Ryder J’s intelligence and hard work-ethic was unmatched. I was able to truly get to know him, after four years straight of spending time with each other. Ryder had a lot of similar qualities that I have, so it made it very easy for us to bond and understand each other.

Similar to me, Ryder made some ridiculous decisions He loved to have fun! I am a dork and let’s say I was making some reckless decisions, and PARTY, if you know what I mean. Ryder had a similar attitude, as well. While our choices may not have appeared to be healthy, we never meant to inflict hurt, wanted to play super hard with our friends. share our goodies, etc. Of course, what we were partying with may not be in our best interest, however, we were both young and naive. These impulsive actions we would engage in were to truly have fun, but sometimes. for both of us, it would become a coping mechanism. He was truly great at asking his feelings and maintaining his loving composure, without letting on that we may have been struggling. We both loved to counteract our stressors with work and partying. No matter what the circumstance, or what happened, Ryder never judged me, always made sure I was okay, and laughed when I may have been too reckless, because he even knew I did not do it on purpose. He laughs at the fact that the minute I make the mistake of accidentally intaking too many substances, without thinking, he laughs and I sit in regret, which then makes him laugh even more.

Simply put, judgement was not one of Ryder’s skills. It seemed like all of Boulder County knew him, but everyone was always happy to see him. He always checked up on even people who were strangers, and wanted to go out of his way to make others comfortable, because he knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable.

This behavior got us both backlash, and while, it was painful and I was unable to look beyond the fact that my intentions were genuine. and that they were actually worrying others

However, the partying gets old for both of us, as we both loved puffing, puffing, and passing, over drinking, among other things. So, to mask out stress once again, we choose to engaging in rigorous working habits. While many people may not think I work hard, I love money (so did he) and it’s a great distraction. I also enjoy working hard and having a good schedule.

One of my favorite qualities of Ryder was his ability to be so giving. Essentially, Ryder never said “no” to anything. If you needed a ride, Ryder would drive to where you were and come to drive you back home. If you needed a bite to eat and you were broke, Ryder had you. Mi casa, to a certain extent, was his casa. When it came to sharing, Ryder did not know how know to share. He physically could not share and he never held this against you. In fact, he got joy from sharing and helping others.

This was a unique best friend to have around. Thank you so much, Ryder J for all the good times and the smiles.

“F**K SCHOOL NI**A. IMMA BE A DOPE DEALER.”

“THREE X***X THAT’S A MIND ERASER – ALL THE MONEY AND CARS. IMMA NEVER SLEEP ALONE.” (Thank you for introducing me to Berner, and teaching me that Berner created the strain Girl Scout Cookies)

“JUICY J CAN’T.”

Ryder J was what I would have called a humble hustler, with disco-ball tendencies. By disco-ball tendencies, I am referring to the life of a party. Oh, that Ryder had a smiled pasted on his face so wide all the time.

This kid was so nice that when one acquaintance stole about $300 worth of glasswear, on top of $500 worth of “smokeables,” he still had it in the heart to forgive him and smile at him.

Many would assume that because his family was financially stable that he would be far from humble, but he contradicted that completely.

Shh, do not tell. But, a Colorado governor’s son actually even stole merchandise from Ryder, which is exactly what Ryder was not. Not matter what kind of family you came from or what kind of wealth you came from, Ryder did not disregard you, degrade you, or not try to help you out. Another misconception – yes, he worked full-time, even off-season at Eldora Ski Resort, working on snow mobiles from 6am to 5pm. He worked even on the off-season. So, everything that he shared unlimitedly with others was using his own income.

No matter what his work ethic and motivation, as well as his character, radiated. He had so many interests and was so curious to carpé every diem that he sometimes found himself unable to just focus on one. When you have that many talents, HOW CAN YOU PICK ONE? You just want to be good at everything, or I at least do. One thing that Ryder excelled in was his ability to commit to executing his projects, or at least attempting them.

His disappearance occurred January 17, 2016. His disappearance really hurt me, because I was one of the last people to communicate to him before his disappearance and I had been the first person to file the police report on January 16, 2016.

There were many factors that played up leading to this event, and I often believe that if I had just followed through with this one request, this would have never happened.

Ryder J. went missing at Gross Reservoir, his favorite place in the world. In fact. a few months back we had just been drinking Smirnoff Ice’s at Gross Reservoir at night, trying to decide whether to camp or not. There was this other thing that we tried to hike around the entire reservoir, and we found a cliff jumping spot. I got scared, because Ryder’s more of a daredevil than me. He yelled me to just jump in the water and told me I would regret it if I didn’t. I did regret it.

The reason why this death took such a hit on me was how closely associated I was to his disappearance, though I did not commit the act, I just happened to have heard from a friend via text that Ryder was either dead or missing…Beyond that, there were other small details. After that text from my friend, I didn’t know what else to do other than to file a report, based on the text. That night he was supposed to meet my friend at Gross Reservoir, but he stopped answering his phone. I was speechless, as there was no conclusive answer. I did not even know if he was dead or missing, stating to a group of people, “I think my friend may be dead or missing.” However, the police were not responsive about my phone call, as I was missing his personal information, including his address and phone numbers.

His disappearance left everyone confused, lost and curious about what truly happened. The next day, my deepest nightmare. had been confirmed. The police, among others, searched everywhere and he was nowhere to be found. Many friends and acquaintances came up to me asking if I had heard anything, due to the nature of our friendship. I spent nights replaying what I had heard from the sources before the police were informed, wondering what could have gone wrong.

In my eyes, Ryder J. loved life too much to commit suicide, especially at his favorite place. I know this for a fact. Also, Ryder was one of the most on-time and accountable person ever – you never have any doubts with him.

The whole situation was ironic, as we all waited for his body to emerge in the reservoir, or on trails nearby. Nothing showed for months.

But, in June 2016, I made the decision to go to the police, after replaying the day and what happened that day. I contacted his mother and was picked up in a swat car, in the hopes that my minor information could give some insight. The entire time I was filmed on camera, while I was interviewed for a third-degree murder case. My interview lasted three hours and I did my best to try to provide as much information as possible. I even gave up my phone for evidence, seeing that I had been in contact with Ryder around that time.

After the interview, I knew that while my information was better than nothing it was not anything useful. I got to spend 30 minutes after with Cindy Johnson, post-interview. We spoke a lot, we cried a lot, and she thanked me for trying. I told her how much Ryder taught me and that I always knew he was a good kid. The hardest part, however, was when I told her that I believed he was dead, based on an intuition. Even though, deep down I wanted Ryder to be running around in Hawaii, doing water sports, or running around South America hiking his butt off. In that moment, we locked eyes, and somehow just through the look we shared, it was obvious to both of us that we have begun losing faith about the idea that Ryder was still out there. In that instance, we broke down in tears. It was painful, telling a mother his son is mostly likely dead is hard to say. She appreciated the honesty and embraced me with compliments that I did not deserve. She looked at me before she left the interview room and told me. “If you can’t be strong for yourself, do it for Ryder please.” I sat there and asked her, “why Ryder, but not me? I am not half the man he is.” She reminded me that he was her best friend, but I cannot think like that, because Ryder would want me to alive and happy.

And, she made sure to tell me, “I will not get closure until I know where he is, or where his body is.” I promised that I would do whatever I could do to make that happen.

In this instance, my whole world changed, as I was clinging onto faith that what I said would help and sat annoyed at myself for not saying anything sooner. No matter how many times Cindy thanked me for being the only one to come forward of his friends, I knew it was not as good of a friend that Ryder had been to me.

To say that Ryder’s death shook my world is an understatement, while I had experienced this before, this one really hurt me the most and changed me the most. I realized that it is important to take care of your friends – no matter how long you wait to end up calling the Boulder County Sherriff’s Office to provide information about a case that was closed, after failed search parties.

Finally, September 2017, Ryder, Cindy, Rick, and Taylor could all somewhat get some closure, as Ryder’s body has been found by a fisherman floating in the water. After a year and a half of no answers, no bodies, or no suspects, the only thing that came of the discovery was finally having an answer to the impossible question. His life was celebrated, as his father beautifully worded Ryder’s beautiful nature so perfectly.

I struggled to deal with my emotions. as one chapter of some of my trauma had come to a close.

In the Fall of 2016, however, I also encountered the news of losing another two beautiful, young souls. God bless, Trevor McConnell and Martin(i). These two beautiful souls passed around the same time unfortunately. While I was much closer with Trevor. as he was my neighbor for an entire year, and let’s just say I spent a lot of time at his house, avoiding school and pretending to be one of the boys.

Trevor, while he was controversial from time to time, had a heart of gold and a sense of humor that no one could match. His hilarious, yet chill nature was awesome, and he knew had to push my buttons without making me go crazy. He was a INCREDIBLE SOUL. Going to Trevor’s wake was heartbreaking, as I reminisced at all the days of the week I would spend at him and his roommates house. I loved Trevor because HE LOVED BUNNIES AND HE WAS A VARSITY RUM AND COKE DRINKER. He also reassured me that I was much smarter than I thought and had so much more faith in me than I think I even realized. Trevor, just like Dalton and Ryder, loved and cared for others to a fault. Their overwhelming effort to make others happy and be the energy of the party is truly a kind of person, you do not find very often. His patience to deal with me and make sure I was included in all the conversations, when all the other boys we’re ignoring me, did not go unnoticed. Thank you for being goofy, a light of happiness and a source of companionship, and living your life to your best of your ability. Thank you for also being the greatest neighbor ever and best roommate in the house! Most importantly, thank you the most for always getting up off the couch and opening the front door for me, because it was the hardest door to open ever. Wow, after all the hours and days you had to spend with me, I am even shocked that you were able to manage a smile and to crack some humor with me, because I am not the easiest person to handle. Your humility, your positivity, your stubborness, your humor, and your ability to forgive are some of your utmost and amazing qualities. It was an honor causing mischief with you and I wish I could have just one more chance to wild out with you.

Martin, or better known as Martini, the first time I met you was when you came all the way out from Tennessee to visit our mutual best friend Madison Demming. My, oh my, Martin what a joy it was to spend a weekend, plus a few days, hanging out with someone with such a caring, loving, genuine, yet silly energy about them. The time we spent lounging in Glenwood Springs, and in the hot pool, will never be forgotten. From the moment I met you, you made me feel comfortable, and by the end of our weekend at the hot springs, I had felt like I had known you a century. Your passing came as a shock to me, seeing that you had so much promise, love and good within you. It honestly was just shocking to hear – I would have never predicted that in a million years. You were one of the first hometown friends of my best friend that I had ever met and it was truly a pleasure. Thank you for laughing at my not-so-funny jokes, finding humor in my randomness and stupidity, and embracing me for who I was. I miss the Snapchats that you and Madison would send me over the Summer reminding me about how much you missed me and thought I was funny. Or, more like how my best friend was so beautiful and perfect. Your ability to love so gracefully and willingly, and invest your soul into someone was one of my favorite qualities about you. I would never trade our weekend together for anything. Martin, you even got in one of my infamous sleeping pictures, as I am unable to shut my eyes all the way shut, due to minor facial paralysis. But, hey, if you were able to get in one of those, that means that you made it into the clique. Thank you for being a true gentlemen and giving my best friend the treatment, love, friendship, and companionship that she always deserves. Your ability to see the great and the beautiful in all souls never ceases to amaze me.

Steve Jolly, a comrad and one of my many partners in crime during high school. Thank you, Steve Jolly, for your kindness, for your ability to make an entire room laugh, for your general excitement for life, and for allowing me to become great friends with you. From the nights with Abby Grey to puking on your shoes at Rowdytown I at the main entrance of the stairs, I truly loved the energy you put forth towards being a tremendous and loving person. You were kind, intelligent beyond your eyes, empathetic, understanding, patient, tolerant, and a genuine person. While our college years may have seperated us, the few times I saw you, it made me very happy to see you doing so well and still trying to be the best version of yourself. This was ironic, because you were already a great version of yourself. Your ability to let even strangers in with open arms and show them kindness was one of your most underrated skills. In addition to that, your humor was extremely underrated. Just so you know, Steve. You will always deny this, but I did beat you in beer pong on Saint Patrick’s Day senior year of high school, even though you keep denying it. It is okay, though.
On that note, thank you for attending some of the most ridiculous concerts with me, including Tyler, The Creator, Rowdytown I, etc. We had some very splendid times. I will also never forget that time my dog ate one of your brownies…..and, with that said, Mr. Jolly, YOU WILL BE MISSED, BUT YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.

For all my other beautiful angels that passed before my eyes, your existence, your soul, the gifts you brought into the world, your beauty, and your ability to spread love like wildfire will never be forgotten.

It is incredible how every day our society loses so many beautiful souls, young and old. No matter the age, their existence on this planet was so much more powerful, substantial, and beautiful than they could ever imagine. Their simple existence had the ability to impact and move so many people who ever encountered them.

Death is inevitable, but we never know when to expect it. Remember to cherish your loved ones and tell them you love them, because they might get run over or they might get shot.

Death is by no means a simple event to deal with. In fact, it is one of the hardest and one of the most difficult concepts to understand and wrap your head around. It almost seems unfair that the world is able to so quickly take away lives from our Earth. The worst and most confusing part is that death is forever. Once a person passes, they will never live to breathe another day. This is something that I often try to remind myself of, as I find myself not living my best life sometimes.

The death of the beautiful angels who came into my life, who are now watching over me and are probably laughing at my life and how ridiculous it is, caused a huge impact in my life and the way I view things. These deaths taught me a lot about how much I take for granted and how little time there truly is to dilly-dally, as they do not have the opportunity any longer to simply just live. It is complicated and it is frustrating, but on my darkest days, I remember that there is a reason why I am still here and I owe it not only to myself, but these souls that have passed, to make every waking moment of my life the best possible moment I can.

It is easy to forget how fragile a human life is and how quickly a life can be taken from this Earth, as it happens so often every day. With every death, there are people who are affected by the loss of a loved one, as tragedy continues to strike millions of individuals every day. It is not easy to find strength within the loss of a loved one, but it is worth it. Some days, I feel selfish living my life and having fun, as a result of losing so many loved ones so quickly and so unexpectedly.

Recently, death has been all up in my personal bubble space and I wish death would leave.

Some deaths are unexpected and others are expected, but there is truly no way to prepare for the death of someone in your life, or even an acquitance.

With that said, my grandmother, who resides in Japan, has death knocking on her window-sill, as she is suffering from heart failure. Her health has been deteriorating for years, however, this time the health problems only began getting increasingly worse. While I have heard for years that my grandmother was struggling with her health, this was the first time that I knew for sure that my grandmother’s time was coming to a close. While she may live in Japan, as a child, I spent a significant amount of time with her. I was and am still very close to my mother’s parents in Japan. I spent a lot of time in Japan as a child and would spend many summers there. I am very fortunate to have had her be so relevant in my life, despite being in totally different continents. Similar to my relationship with my grandmother, I am also very close to my grandfather on my mother’s side. He is awesome and one of the most charismatic people I know. Also, that guy can smoke a carton of cigarettes a day. While this is not something to brag about, his lungs are far from deteriorating. Oh man, those Japanese really do live long and are healthy.

This is not say that I have not faced the death of a family member. My dad’s mother passed away in high school, and while, she lived in Ethiopia, I still loved her. My relationship with her was not as strong as my relationship with my mother’s parents were. My grandfather on my father’s side passed away long before I was even born, so I had never gotten the chance to meet him. The death of my grandmother was horrifying, as I began thinking that one day I could be losing my own father. We may not have spent much time together, but the time we did spend together was beautiful. She had an energy and a laughter about her that made her hilarious, even though she was not trying to be funny. It still hurts to think about, as my father was very close to my grandmother. I was never able to visit my grandmother in Ethiopia, as I have never been to Ethiopia before. So, as a result, I did not get to create a extremely strong bond with my father’s parents. Nonetheless, I would have loved to meet my grandfather, as he seemed like the most hardworking, respectful, yet hilarious man that I have ever heard of. A cool fact about my dead grandfather is that he was good friends with Haile Selassie. They were such good friends that Haile Selassie even visited my grandfather in the hospital, as he was getting close to the end of his time.

It truly does not matter who passed away, or what happened. What truly matters is that these individuals are truly celebrated for the people they were to others and using their memory to carry on their profound existence, which may be an impossible feat to match, seeing that this is an outstanding group of angels watching over me.

For those suffering from death, or death-related matters, or if you are simply just struggling, do not hesistate to reach out to someone to share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, and to get some support. Always remember you have a friend in me – Please do not suffer in silence!

♥ Rest In Peace, you beautiful souls ♥ You deserve it ♥

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Treat Yo Self

After a long nine-hour shift at work, I spent some time doing some fun activities and treating myself to some food, good conversation, and a good rain jacket.

I spent the treating myself to some Vitamin D, as well, spending the sunny day at the local outdoor malls in Boulder, Colorado.

My day began treating myself by spending time with my cousin and my brother. It is great to divulge yourself with your family, especially your extended family, as great bonds can truly develop and truly flower from spending time with your extended family outside of family obligations. After a few years of being apart, it was great to spend time with my cousin, Endy, who I have been close with my entire life.

The good food came next, as we treated ourselves to some great gelato from a local gelato & milkshake shop on the Pearl Street Mall. Cookie butter was the flavor of gelato that I chose that day and treated myself to a fresh waffle with sprinkles that truly magnified the experience.

Our next stop was the 29th Street Mall in Boulder, where most of the treatin’ truly occurred. I finally got to do some real window shopping, which lead me to buy a rain jacket for $20 from Marshalls. My cousin was actually the one who found the jacket first, so it is safe to say that I once again found myself buying menswear again. The sale was ridiculous.

After wandering around the mall, we found ourselves running into some great art, including a lit up “treat yo self” sign and some art on the stairs of the mall. The art was unexpected and beautiful! Both art pieces served as simple reminders to give yourself love and spread it like a contagion.

Treatin’ yo self is important. Life without treats is like living a life torturing yourself. Celebrate your existence, because it feels good to celebrate yourself.

Do it often and do it well!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

March Time Reflections

As March is in full swing, I have made a multitude of realizations and have taken an ample amount of time to reflect on my current reality.

My current reality has changed significantly, as I have found that I have finally found some happiness, positive thoughts processes, honesty, self-love, loads of laughter, comfortability, and loads of courage. I have found myself pushing myself to be the best version of myself. Similarly, I have found myself exuding more love into the world. As a result of being kinder to myself and attempting to fill my head with kinder thoughts about myself, I have found it much easier to pass on the love onto others.

With this new sense of comfortability, I have found myself focusing a lot less on what others are thinking and/or doing, and found myself focusing more on what I am doing and what I am thinking. I guess you could call this kind of presence, mindfulness.

What used to be loud and obnoxious intrusive thoughts are now becoming hopeful, much more silent and kinder thought loops. With that said, I have found myself feeling much more self-confident. While outwardly I may attempt to appear self-confident, on the inside, I found myself crawling with self-doubt. These feelings of self-doubt have seemingly subsided and I have found comfortability and confidence to almost be uncomfortable, BECAUSE IT FEELS SO GOOD.

Many of my days are spent at work, constantly working with the beautiful souls of the dogs in and around the Boulder County area, which has been one of my saving graces this month. I have connected and created relationships with many young and old pups, muts, and dogs of all sorts of breeds. Beyond that, I have begun taking on much more responsibility at work, finding myself asking for more responsbilities and taking on more responsibility, as well. The other day, I was assigned to bathe about four different furry friends. One of the furry friends, Motley, a handsome, yet enormous bernese mountain dog, happened to be one of the four dogs that I had to bathe. It was incredibly hard work, in fact, I got an arm work-out from it, referring to the bath as an “arm day bath.” Not to mention, drying Motley was a different story. While Motley’s bath seemingly took the longest and required the most effort, something amazing came from this long and hard endevour. Want to hear what happened? Well, two customers, including Motley’s mother, decided to leave me with a cash tip for bathing their dogs. Note to all: WE DO NOT ACCEPT CASH TIPS AND ARE NORMALLY NEVER TIPPED FOR OUR SERVICES. I remember kindly responding, “Please do not worry about it at all. In fact, I cannot even take that.” Motley’s mother kept insisting that she would bring more money for me for bathing her beautiful pooch next time he attended doggy day-care. After servicing Motley and his mother, Kira’s, a beautiful, white husky, father decided to also leave me with another cash tip, which I once again hesitated to accept, as I was just doing my job.

In fact, I just happened to have been fiending for dog baths that day. Beyond that, my responsibilities expanded in the sense that I have begun dipping my feet into the pool of dog grooming. By dog grooming, I simply mean that I have begun trimming dog’s nails by myself, without the help of others. Usually, I would stand by and shiver in fear of trimming a dog’s nails. Last week, however, it seemed that one of my coworkers was looking for a participant to trim Max’s, a black lab’s, nails. While he originally asked the new girl to do the deed, I could tell my co-worker realized that she was unfamiliar with trimming dog’s nails. While I have been working at Camp Bow Wow for about three months now, I have never trimmed a dog’s nails on my own EVER. Trevor, my co-worker, asks, “Hey! You know how to trim nails, right?” Without even thinking, I simply responded, “of course!” I quickly hop out of the “small dog yard,” and proceed to take Max into the backroom to clip all his nails.

I do not mention to my co-worker that this was in fact my first time clipping, or trimming, a dog’s nails. Instead with my most confident poker face, I proceeded to grab the utensils for nail trimming and grab Max’s right, back paw. After finally getting through both of Max’s back nails and trimming them into perfection, I slowly and gently calm down, as I just begin to realize that I have trimmed ten dog nails successfully! Finally, Trevor and I go ahead and grab Bowie, a grey terrier puppy, from the “small dog yard.” According to my co-worker McKenzie, Bowie was one of our smallest dogs that came to camp. This little information only intensified my anxiety, as I could not fathom how on Earth I would be able to clip such a small animal’s finger nails so carefully. It appeared as though his nails could break, let along he could break, at any given moment. I finally confess, as we are carrying Bowie to the back room, that, I, in fact, had NEVER, EVER, EVER TRIMMED A DOG’S NAILS EVER BEFORE. Finally, the truth comes out…

With that said, I ended up sawing off Bowie’s entire nail and he ended up bleeding to death…Just kidding. Everything went swimmingly, though I was more nervous trimming his nails than I am before an exam. Let us just say, I was very nervous! The nails got trimmed and no one got hurt, luckily!

What a fun, bunch of adventures I have endured at work, right?! I seriously could have no complaints. I am so enthrilled I have a new crowd of human beings to make connections with and learn from, which is always an incredible feeling. Not to mention, all the individuals I work with are incredibly uplifting and all around hilarious people. The greatest part of my co-workers is that every single person is unique in their own way – literally, we are all the slightest bit similar, but truly every single individual brings something complete unique and wonderful to the table. The one thing that we do have in common is the fact that we all do work very hard, and that our job is undermined, due to the fact that our job is to pet, take care, and love a bunch of dogs. When you are babysitting 30+ dogs per dog yard, and there are six dog yards, the number of dogs that come to doggy day care can extend up to almost 200 dogs. I believe our highest number of dogs at Camp Bow Wow that we ever held was 194 dogs, which was completely overwhelming and very loud.

The chaos of all the dog’s personalities and my co-worker’s personalities are a hilarious dynamic to watch and be apart of.

Beyond work, I celebrated Saint Patrick’s Day with some of my favorite people this year. My weekend began on Friday with a dinner at T•ACO for my very good friend, Bria Schlossmann’s birthday. Margaritas and chips and salsa (oops, do not forget guacamole and queso) filled the air and kept the entire mood alive. I, personally, ordered a “boujee margarita,” which was just as boujee as you could imagine. But, it was even more delicious than you would imagine. As we are ordering our not-so-boujee margaritas, I mention to the waitress that it is my friend’s birthday and somehow am able to coerce her into getting the entire table a round of shots, ON THE HOUSE. There you go, I am a really good friend to have around, huh?

The rest of the weekend was a hungover mess and progressed into a drunken mess…Just kidding. I managed to keep the activities fairly low-key and the drinking was not as aggressive as it could be. My best friend, Leslie Fox, kept my soul company, as we drank our Irish pride away. Her lovely brother, Phillip Fox, joined us and to top it all off, Phillip’s best friend Elliott joined us. We had a grand ole time, drinking, smoking, and eating within the quarters of her apartment. I will admit that I did take a brief 3-hour nap, in order to prevent any sort of craziness. Overall, the holiday was fairly successful and I wore my green loud and proud!

In regards to fashion, social media, and blogging, I have been very conservative with all these matters, which are all things that mean a lot to me. Recently, dogs have been just about the only thing that has been occupying my mind. However, as I am finding more and more hours in the day, I am finding more and more time to invest my time and energy into the activities and interests that I truly enjoy. I will admit that I completely missed Fashion Week (New York, London, Paris, and Milan). I did get some sneak previews, but was not able to keep up with it at all. While I still love and enjoy fashion (obviously), I have found myself in a bit of a rut. I always love growing and expanding my wardrobe and my style, however, I have found myself hitting a wall and a rut, when it comes to expanding and experimenting with my fashion. Recently, while out shopping, I have found myself not interested in many of the clothes that many stores are carrying currently. By this, I mean that nothing has quite WOW-ed me or captured my attention. This red puffer jacket in the sale section of H&M has been holding a place in my heart. In addition, this pair of red plaid cropped pants has been keeping my mind occuppied, as well. Online retailers have also not been holding my interest lately, as I am attempting to scavenge for more clothes. You can never have too many clothes, am I right? While I have not found anything quite yet, it does not mean that I do not have a wishlist of items that I would love to purchase, but just have not been able to find online or in-stores. My wishlist, includes a Lack Of Colour black cap, a pair of Revice denim, plaid/checkered/gingham pants, ANYTHING CHECKERED, an Adidas velvet tracksuit, a nice pair of high-waisted Levi’s, a Levi denim jacket, a pair of black, cropped, flared pants, some sort of two-piece matching set, a pair of hoop earrings, and a ski jacket. The list truly goes on, because if I could, I would buy everything and anything that I liked (which is a lot of things).
Fashion and my outfits have taken a back-burner in my life, mostly as a result of my job. I am covered in dogs, dog poop, dog fur, mud, rocks, etc. most of the week, which does not make my appearance my biggest priority. In my past jobs, upkeeping an appearance and staying trendy, especially when working at retail stores, was one of my biggest priorities. Now, this has become anonymous to me, as I can be found in a pair of leggings and an oversized “Camp Bow Wow” hoodie most days. As a result of my lack of upkeep during the week, or when I am working, when I am not working, I have been making a more conscious effort to wear outfits, or articles of clothing, that I normally would not wear. SImilarly, I have taken it upon myself to experiment with all the variety of clothes, shoes, and accessories that I have compiled over the last few years, in order to trick people into thinking that my wardrobe is always growing. Clothes that have not been worn in months, or even years, or EVEN EVER, have now gotten a chance to catch some sunlight and make contact with my sweatbuds, which is truly an amazing feeling. Cycling new outfits, or articles of clothing, provide an illusion for myself that my wardrobe is updated (a.k.a. not full of all the same, old sh*t that I have had for years, or maybe a week). This way, all my clothes have an opportunity to be judged by streetwalkers and strangers alike. Since the year of 2018 has begun, I have bought only two articles of clothing, including a black beret, a red, white and blue windbreaker, and a pair of black velvet, cropped pants. For those who know me personally, the actual fact that I have only purchased three clothing-related items to date is monumental, since I used to habitually go shopping every day. This habit needed to come to an end, as it became increasingly difficult to have the opportunity to wear my new clothes with more new clothes flooding in. Otherwise, my closet has remained the same size. It may have even shrunk just a little, as I donated some of my old clothes to my neighbors in my building.
With that said, social media and blogging have taken the back-burner in my priorities and interests. I spend significantly less time on social media, and much less time on my blog, than I used to spend prior to 2018. While I am still truly invested and involved in my social media work and my blogging, I have attempted to disconnect from virtual reality a little bit, in order to focus on my not-so-virtual reality. Sometimes, I would find myself getting too caught up in blogging and social media, finding myself comparing my life to others and my “social media image.” To be honest, I will never know what my “social media image” is to others, but I have placed much less importance towards displaying my reality to the public. Instead, I have chosen to keep more things to myself and live a more personal life. While I still do continue to share photos or blog posts, I will never give up my love for writing, photography, or coloring, all of which I love sharing onto my social media and blog.

The swarm of creative ideas I have had are endless, however, sometimes I find it hard to catch a break, or implement these ideas. I do have a lot of great content coming your way, so stay tuned!

My goals for March 2018 have changed quite a bit, as my goals have truly began to become more general. My first two months were filled with goals that had quick solutions, however, the rest of the goals I have set for the month of March require time and are much more objective, or emotional. Most of my goals for the month of March, include things that I would like to work on, or improve on, when it comes to my behavioral and emotional side. Some of the goals, include becoming a better listener, more adventorous, be filled with more self-love and less self-doubt, much smilier, exercise more, less reactive and much more calm when angered, stay positive, stay mindful, be invested in everything you do, more patient, more confident, and much more supportive and loving. With that said, these are more goals surrounding my personality traits, so whether I achieve them is more a personal opinion. These are always areas that I am always attempting to improve on and areas that could always use more improvement. The more concrete, less fluid goals, include figuring out my living situation for next Fall semester, figuring out my school situation, forcing myself to take the bus home from work, begin seeing a therapist and psychiatrist again, and beginning to pay off my debt to the University of Colorado, Boulder. In addition to these goals, I have made it a priority to pass on kindness and be more aware of my actions, specifically stearing away from being rude. Placing focus on happiness and positivity has left me completely in awe of how powerful positive thinking and mindfulness can be. Attempting a state of mindfulness is NOT easy by any means, but the key is to keep trying and learning. Once you begin getting into the routine of it, it will start to come naturally to you. It may come more naturally to you than breathing.

Attempting a mindfulness state of mind is not by any means easy, but once it is achieved, you will be surprised how incredible of an experience it is. For once, all my negative, horrible intrusive thoughts slowly become silenced. It is like they were never apart of me, which honestly begins to weird me out, as I am so used to my mind degrading my existence. A sense of calm, a sense of relaxation, and a sense of happiness enters my soul, as I finally find myself not squirming and overthinking every little thing. This goal is incredible to me, as it has been something I have been working towards since ‘nam.

The month of March was an improvement, when compared to the month of February! The only downside to this month was the time-change, which I completely and utterly despise. The months, and honestly the year, is going by so incredibly quickly. It is truly hard to believe!

In just about a month, I will get to witness some of my greatest friends graduate from the University of Colorado, Boulder, which is incredible and makes me so very happy. While I may not be joining them this year, I am so, so, so proud to all collegiate graduates that are graduating this upcoming Spring, but specifically my best friend, Leslie Fox. This Leslie Fox chick was told, since her freshman year, that she probably was not going to graduate. Not to mention, our peers disgraced her intelligence by presuming that she was incapable of graduating and attempted to deterioriate her collegiate existence. To satifsfy people’s needs for six months, Leslie escaped to Africa, which put her way behind schedule to graduate. Her freshman year, she was also only allowed to take nine credit hours, as a result of a horrible concussion she had endured that resulted in quite a bit of memory loss. After her quick escape to Africa, no one expected her to come back, let along get right back at it with school. My best friend is graduating this year, with a stellar GPA, with more brain cells than many can imagine, with a world full of smiles, and HER GRADUATION HAS BLOWN MANY PEOPLE INTO PIECES. Her graduation was not in the cards in many people’s minds, but she did them even better. Leslie decided to focus and consume her entire soul into her academics for an entire year, in order to make up for her first two years of college, just in time to graduate in five years. I still do not know how she was able to manage to pull it all together, however, I am so very proud of her. Other graduates that I am proud of, include Bria Schlossmann (another lovely human being that many assummed would not graduate, but somehow pulled it together) and Jenna Ramos, who no one assummed would not graduate and who is one of the greatest artists of all-time. I am so proud of these three beautiful souls, who have stayed by my side my entire college career and have made it to the finish line.

Completing an undergraduate degree is by no means easy, nor is it cheap. With that said, I may be A LOT upset that I will not be joining them on graduation day, however, I know my day is coming. With my pursuit of a double degree in Psychology, through the College of Arts & Sciences, and Advertising, through the College of Media, Communication and Information, I have quite a few more credits to fufill before I can finally put my undergraduate degrees into its’ coffin. While my graduation date is still up-in-the-air, I anticipate my graduation to occur by next Spring semester, if all goes well. In regards to academia, I was enrolled in one course this semester, which was Abnormal Psychology, a 3000 level course. This was the only course that I was able to take, as I was not able to enroll in classes at all this semester due to my outstanding debt of $3,800 that I need to pay off. Abnormal Psychology had been a self-paced online course that I had signed up for last semester. The class, which I signed up for in August, allows for a six-month deadline, which left me until Februrary of this year to complete. I was able to finish the course, with flying colors. While I struggled to complete my “Capstone” final project, due to my inability to let go of perfection, I managed to pull something out of my ass. The project, which is based on PTSD, was something that I truly felt very passionate about and was a bit of a struggle, as it was hard to focus on just a couple aspects of the “disease.” The final project taught me a lot about my own symptoms, which I am so grateful for and assisted in making me feel a little less insane.

In other news, my life is fairly consistent and stable, as I work five days of the week. Currently, I work around 35 hours a week, which takes up most of my time and energy. Consistency and stability have always been things that I have strived for and have attempted to embrace. Finally, after 22-years of living, I have found some balance, consistency, and stability within my life. After I return home from work, I can be found in my bed watching Netflix. Lately, I have been binging on The Office, Dexter, Riverdale, Everything Sucks, The End of The F*****G World, and Grey’s Anatomy. While the binging has become excessive, I have finally caught up with popular culture, or at least Netflix’s influx of original shows, or just regular television shows. For the first time in 22-years, I also have finally made some room for Steve Carrell, as The Office has suddenly become tolerable and totally funny. This is a miracle, seeing that many people tried to turn me onto the show and I never found myself interested in it at all.

My life in March 2018 has been treating me incredibly well. My goal for this upcoming April is to continue implementing and remining myself of my goals, in order to get the most out of the year 2018. While March has been smooth sailing, I do find myself a little nervous that April will bring showers. And, not the showers that you may be thinking. Showering means change, bumps in the road, and trouble. This kind of thinking should not be encouraged, as not every good thing always goes to shit. I have a lot to look forward to, as well as a lot to create for myself! The most important thing I need to focus on creating is a happy, fruitful future doing what I love.

If you would love to know what I would like to do with my future, I would respond being involved in some sort of social media marketing, a successful blog, and/or being apart of the fashion industry, whether it be working with a company, creating my own clothing line, etc. One of these days, I would love to learn to sew my own clothes, which would save me a lot of money. Sewing would not save me a lot of time and energy, however, the idea of creating my very own clothes (just the way I like them), also tailored to fit me, would be incredible. I would not mind interning for a fashion-related company, magazine, or corporation, either. With that said, in order to get more involved in the fashion industry, especially here in Boulder, Colorado, I have decided to reach out to retail stores, such as Elison Rd., in order to partner up with them and bring some light to a boutique that I particularly enjoy. In the future, I would love to partner up with a wide variety of retailers, such as ASOS, H&M, Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Pinks Denver, Revice Denim, Teleport Shoes, Pepper Mayo, Nod & Rose, or Adidas. I have a long list of retailers I would love to get involved with, and many of them are not mentioned in the list above. One thing I discovered about myself, in regards to fashion, was that not only am I a die-hard fan for 90s trends, but I am an even more die-hard fan for European fashion and retailers. The soft spot for European brands and fashion is larger than the baggiest pair of sweatpants that you own. If you do not know a pair of sweatpants, than my soft spot is larger than the entire country of Russia, Alaska, and Antartica combined, maming the spot substantially large.

As the months continue flying before my eyes, small details within my life are seemingly changing, as well. They are either changing, or I am attempting to adapt to these upcoming changes. I have begun truly attempting to not look at change as such a bad thing, though I am a creature of nature and thrive on habitual patterns. Change is a good way to remind yourself that nothing is ever going to be forever, but things can be (for)ever lasting.

With all the stability and consistency, I do find myself itching for some change and something spontaneous. The kind of change and spontanaety that I am craving is some traveling, whether it be to 7 Magic Mountains, Antelope Canyon or the Utah Salt Flats. If I am unable to travel, then I will be taking an intiative to make changes to my personal appearance, either by getting more piercings, getting a tattoo, or changing up my hair. I am leaning towards changing up my hair, by lightening the color to a light brown and thinning the crap out of my hair. Changing up your appearance is a great way to transition and celebrate the start of a new season, which is Spring.

Hopefully, with the start of Spring, will be the start of something sweet, light, and beautiful. I truly hope that something amazing begins flowering in the month of April. April is my brother’s birthday month, which I hope serves as a monumental celebratory moment for him as he turns 24-years-old. With that said, for all my loved ones struggling with finding some zen, love, laughter, happiness, answers, or even a helping hand, I truly hope that April brings everything listed above and more! I would personally like to dedicate and send some loving and happy vibes to my wonderful, intelligent, and hilarious brother, Yaphet Tewahade! My brother is currently living with me, and while we have had our troubles, he deserves infinite amounts of happiness, inner peace, laughter, joy, and all the helping hands that he can get. Yaphet is my only sibling and living with him has opened up some good and bad emotions, as all events do. I have watched him grow and flourish, but I hope in April everything that he has been working so hard towards and any self-doubt, unhappiness, and anger will dissipate.

April is just around the corner, and then Summer will be trailing right behind it.

Who has been personally victimized by April showers and Spring flowers? Please raise your hand.

(For those of you who do not get the Mean Girls reference, get with it).

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

What February Had To Offer Me

February 2018 – what a month for me! It was filled with much more stability and much more routine than the month of January, making it less exciting from time to time.

While it was full of much more stability and synchronised aspects, there were a handful of ups-and-downs, just like every other month. Amidst the stability, I came across a few obligations that I had pushed aside and procrastinated. However, instead of just completing the responsibilities I was supposed to carry out, I continued to set these obligations aside.

The stress of not addressing certain matters that needed to be addressed took a toll on me and my overall mood, as I engaged in binge-eating habits, a.k.a. stress eating, and did the minimal amount of work each day, pretending to be alright, when I was actually shaking inside. Not to mention, I became somewhat snappy, lacked patience, became lazy and negligent, and became a somewhat negative person.

I continued to stress-eat and ignore physical activity all-together, which had me beating myself up. I set aside my blogging responsibilities and just began ignoring my duties until the final moment possible.

I am human, but all these problems and stress I created for myself unnecessarily were all things I could have avoided, if only I did not let myself fall into a routine of lazy work-ethic and excuses.

This habit of procrastinating and “gliding by” has been a habit I have been attempting to kick since ‘nam. While I have been getting better at “just doing it,” I have allowed myself to fall back into the routine of it every once in a while. I am a generally motivated, focused, and critical of my own faults, so in order to avoid the disappointment that fills my entire body when I procrastinate, I attempt to complete these things before I avert my focus on other things in my life.

This month, while I would not consider it a complete mess, reminded me that I am not perfect and I must continue to work on these “flaws” that I thought would not ever be a problem. These “flaws,” or underlying traits that make us human, will always follow us until we reach our grave and are always things that you should constantly be working on, in order to continue growing.

Sometimes, I disregard these traits as potential problems, as I feel like I have gotten to know myself fairly well. I choose to ignore and not address these fatal flaws, not because I do not know that they exist, but simply because I am not particularly proud of them.

Being my own self-critic served to be the biggest roadblock of this month. Just because you put your best foot forward every day does not mean that you will not have days that you are not proud of, where you may have not been the best version of yourself. The problem that I continue to realize about myself is that I critic myself particularly hard, as a result of holding myself to a high standard. While this a great trait, I have been told, and have recognized, that I am a very harsh critic, to the point where I begin even doubting my own self-worth. Instead of allowing love in, or being a little kinder to myself, I allow myself to pick myself apart, taking jabs at every small mistake I have made, recently or in the past. This kind of thinking can serve to be detrimental when it begins consuming your thoughts, and you begin allowing it to degrade your self-worth. Once it begins consuming your thoughts, it begins to be the only thing that you think about. Not to mention, it is not a healthy way to go about living your life, as we make mistakes every day. It can lead to a very negative way of thinking. I almost forgot to congratulate myself for the successes of the month, by continuing to focus on my failures.

It was a bit humbling to be reminded that I still do have a lot to work to do on myself, that I will never be perfect, no matter how hard I try, and that making positive changes begins with myself and taking initiative.

I am not particularly proud of myself this month, as it was full of more “failures,” or human moments, than successes. The successes I did have this month are substantial, nonetheless. While I did not accomplish as much as I set out to accomplish, I still have the opportunities to correct these mistakes, in the future, which is not an opportunity every one is able to come across. I still have my long-term goals in mind, which I need to continue to remind myself are the priorities of my year. The joy of accomplishing these goals and overcoming these adversities brings much more fulfillment than ignoring your responsibilities, which only leaves you upset, angry, and full of more excuses.

These days, I have found myself leaning on peers, family, and friends more than usual, which has also made me ultimately fealt vulnerable. This is a healthy behavior, and I have found that people have more faith in me than I even can recognize. While I have spent the entire month beating myself up and feeling sorry for myself, I have found that outside influences have provided me with the strength, joy, and power to stay motivated and focused. I consider myself a somewhat independent person, or I strive to be, so when life calls for me to reach out for help, I tend to look down on myself instead of enjoying what others have brought to the table.

I have learned a lot about myself, or re-learned a lot about myself this month.

  • I am accountable for my own actions – with every irresponsible decision comes consequence, which one should anticipate
  • In order to correct the decision, you must take action
    • The sooner that you take action, the less the decision will weigh on your life
  • You are allowed to sulk and wallow in your fears and sorrows, but learn to get over your mistakes quickly
    • You are only allowed to complain about it for a little before you and your peers get annoyed
  • Most mistakes have easy corrections
    • But, you have to be willing to take action to fix these mistakes
    • No one else will do it for you
  • Make time to make these corrections
  • It is okay to ask for help
    • But, do not displace your stress and guilt on the other person
    • Do not waste their time, efforts and energy
      • Taking advantage of people and their company will only land you in more hot water
  • Follow through
    • Or, deal with the consequences
  • Stay positive, motivated, and do not bring others around you down

I hope that March brings more promise and successes for me, as I continue to learn the ins-and-outs of my own personality and essence.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

 

 

365 Times Around The Sun

Exactly a year ago, February 6th, 2017, I began a WordPress blog, as this had been one of my goals/dreams for a few years now. After years of procrastination, due to some insecurities, endless amounts of excuses, and a lack of focus and drive, I finally decided to conjure up some courage and stop letting my fears and anxiety get in the way of actually following through with this dream of mine. Yeah, I did not think I would be successful at it, even though deep down inside, I wanted success. I did not think many of my friends or family truly believed that I would follow through with this plan, nor did they truly believe that I was truly going to commit to following through with one of many “awesome ideas that they thought I would be really good at.” I struggle with following through with implementing dreams and goals, and I really was not sure what to expect or if I would actually finally commit to something that I super secretly wanted to be good at and invest time in.
Honestly, even after creating the blog itself, I did not believe anyone would want to, let along, ever read what I had to say. A blog is similar to a journal, it is an open book and you have the freedom to make it your own. Many hours, endless nights, and many hand cramps were involved with my mindless, 13-page rants that were within my journal, as I wrote down my thoughts, opinions, rants, ideas, and whatever else I wanted to write, draw, or insert into my journal. It was a great way for me to relieve some stress and write freely my endless thoughts that not everyone, including myself, could even piece together sometimes. My journal became therapeutic, and slowly but surely, my endless rants, complaints, and my thoughts lead for me to begin writing about life lessons I learned from my day of living, including the good, the bad, the ugly, and the boring. Some days I wrote about myself, other days, I wrote about life advice or life lessons that I had realized from my day. Some days I would just rant incessantly about nonsense. All I know was that I had a lot to say and a lot to share. I have now filled five journals, and while I have fallen out of the habit of journaling daily, I would like to reconnect with this hobby of mine.
Slowly, while I was filling out the last few pages of my very first journal, I came to a conclusion that I would like to start my own blog – why not put my thoughts, my experiences, my life lessons, and my words onto the Internet for those to share? I am not the biggest fan of opening up to people, including my own friends and my own family, in fact, I am quite closed off, especially when it comes to speaking about anything below surface-level. A journal was great, as it is where I find myself being the most honest version of myself, where I was the most capable of expressing myself comfortably, and where I could address my emotions and emotional side of myself (which I do NOT like to do). My journal became my best friend. Yup, I placed more trust in this inanimate object than I did in people, including myself at times. For some reason, I knew that my journal was safe and that I could trust it not to judge me despite what was being written in it. My journal was my trusty mate, someone I could count on whenever or wherever. While a journal is much more personal and something you can keep to yourself, a blog, while similar to a journal in some senses, is much less personal. A blog, which is public for anyone to see, does not allow for the privacy that journals provide. With that said, I took a leap of faith and decided that I had some insight, opinions, thoughts, passions, etc. that I wanted to share with the world. Even if no one would acknowledge my words, I figured “Eh, why not?”
Not having a prompt, or any idea how to create a “brand, or a presence on social media, really made it difficult at first to even produce my first post, which did not come along until days after February 26, 2017, when I finally just did it, like Nike keeps trying to tell me to do.
So, naturally, I began with coming up with a name for my blog. My inspiration for the name of my blog, while I cannot pinpoint the exact moment, came to me while I was mindlessly scrolling through my Tumblr news feed.
The name of my blog needed it to be catchy, but I wanted it to be something unique, something “me,” something that conveyed my values and beliefs, and something that was available for use (a.k.a. a URL name/username that was not already in use). It seemed that any ideas that I had seemed to be falling through, even when I was being “creative” and “thinking outside of the box,” every name for my blog that I wanted to use had already been taken.
Finally, after wracking my brain for hours, I came up with “indulgeyourlife.wordpress.com.” The inspiration behind my blog, is about allowing people into my life, allowing them to indulge in my world honestly. Similarly, the blog’s main message is for others to learn to indulge in their lives, learning to overcome hardships and learning to enjoy life, no matter what adversities one must face. Enjoying life and allowing people into my world, with the hopes of helping, providing hope, providing humor, providing a safe place, and impacting someone positively, is the goal of the blog.
Once I customized the theme of my WordPress, I had to overcome another hurdle – actually blogging and creating a blog post. The blog was inactive for a few days, or even weeks, after I created it. After some time, I finally just bit the bullet and wrote some words down.
“Great, you posted one post…now, what? Where are you going to go with this?”
Don’t worry, I kept procrastinating.
When I began my blog, I truly had nothing else to ruin or to do. I had no choice, but to sit in the smallest studio apartment, in a basement with not much to work with other than myself, my brain, my thoughts, my boredom, my hyper personality, my anxiety, my laziness, and my creativity. I also had access to working limbs that allowed me to type, if only I just STOPPED with the excuses, with the insecurities, I could just do this blogging thing. I had nothing to lose and lots of time to kill. I also have a lot to say, and realize that I often do not think before I speak and struggle with expressing myself verbally clearly and concisely. My mouth gets me in trouble sometimes.
Let me just be real – I do not speak very eloquently via mouth, so why not try to capitalize on my written interpersonal communication skills, which allow me to convey my thoughts, feelings and emotions in the most direct way possible. Blogging, or writing, allows me to think before I speak or act, in this case, I am forced to think before I type up an article and before I post something. This allows me to truly gather all my thoughts together and portray myself in a way that is easy for others to understand.
Blogging seems easy at first, until you realize that a blogger is required to post regularly, create new content daily, create a “brand personality” for yourself, connect with others, be creative, etc. It is a full-time job. So, after months of attempting to succeed at this blogging activity, I finally was able to create what seemed like a legitimate personality, as well as a routine. My brand personality was inspired by my own personality – SHOCKER. I decided to not make things any more difficult for me, capitalize on my strengths and interests, and be honest. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, be yourself.” This actually came in handy, though.
I lost momentum throughout the year, focusing on it when I desired, but after being disappointed by my analytics, I knew the only way to go about taking care of something that I cared for required more than just applying myself whenever I felt like it. I did not want to fail miserably.
I kept reminding myself that with practice and hard-work, you can achieve “perfect.”
So, I implemented a plan to stick with this blog and held myself accountable. This was something I cared about, was passionate about, etc., so just like other things in my life, in order for it to grow and flourish, one must attend and care for its needs. This required a lot of courage and focus for me, as I often find myself insecure about advertising my blog, due to the way others may perceive it. I realized I needed to get over this insecurity of mine, and if people liked it, they liked it. If they did not like it, they did not. I still feel very uneasy at times about this matter.
As my father always reminds me, the quality of your work is not based on likes, neither are you. The key to success is consistency and continuing to be genuine, going above and beyond, and having fun.
Having fun is great and all, except when you are faced with yourself being your biggest critic. Yup, I am a perfectionist, but truly hide this desire to be perfect by acting like I do not care AT ALL. I secretly care TOO MUCH, to the point where I am so stressed that about the idea of rejection as a result of imperfection and not up-keeping a perfect image, that I never follow through with anything. I also tend to replace this regret of being a wuss by acting out of control, in order to alleviate the stress of regret in many ways that hurt all aspects of my life.
Instead of spending time in my head thinking about “how this could be so great for me and so fun,” I decided to be imperfect and present myself as a more genuine form of me.
One of my biggest fears is that people may find grammatical errors within my articles. I get so embarrassed by that.
Today, however, I discovered SOMETHING new – a spell check feature. I wish I would have discovered this a year ago, after endless months of complaining about how annoying it was that WordPress DID NOT have a spell-check feature. Everything has spell-check these days.
Game Changer. 
While I am no social media celebrity, I AM PROUD TO SAY I HAVE REACHED A YEAR OF BLOGGING, 262 POSTS LATER, 2,727 VIEWS LATER, 1,400 VISITORS, 120 WORDPRESS FOLLOWERS LATER, & 1,070 LIKES LATER, I am proud to say that Indulge Your Life has survived one-year, or 365 days, of existence!
Happy first birthday to my beautiful child [my blog]! May my blog’s second year of existence be full of just as many challenges, triumphs, fails, likes, frustrations, excitement, follows, and opportunities than I ever imagined.
I never thought we would make it this far. I cannot believe we are still growing!
Over the course of the last year of wrestling with my blog, this blog has become one the most positive outlets for my emotional and mental stressors, a great way to connect with others, a way to express myself creatively, and it has become therapeutic for me. I may not be able to handle taking care of a baby full-time, however, a blog, I can do that.
I would like to thank those who have taken time out of their day to appreciate, follow, dislike, acknowledge, or even secretly check out my blog! An an even bigger shout out to all the those hiring managers, who I basically forced to read my blog, by inserting in my resume and cover letter, not so discretely. Even if you may have been lying about even taking time to look over it and enjoying it, thank you for putting up with that obnoxious behavior and taking time to acknowledge its existence. The last shout out goes to my friends, who I text, bother and force to “go like my blog post article link that I posted on Facebook.” I do this every single time. I truly would apologize for bringing it up in every instance possible, but I really am not sorry. It is okay that you do not even have time to read the articles, it is the actual fact that you put up with my self-promotion to an extent in which I do not have the patience for. But, most importantly, for those who have kept encouraging me to follow my dreams, supported me, assisted me, and reassured me when I doubted myself, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING ME THE REASSURANCE TO KEEP MOVING AND DOING WHAT I LOVE.
With that said, I hope that many more amazing opportunities, outcomes and positivity come out of keeping up with this passion of mine. I hope I can share my passions with you!
I do not really have much of an agenda, other than doing more of what I love, writing what is on my mind, and growing and expanding on my passion.
Thank you to anyone and everyone once again, who has been supportive, who has come across my blog, and made this opportunity so successful and enjoyable for me.
I hope to continuing producing content that is new, exciting and fresh, as I have many new exciting plans and projects planned for the future.

To my followers and readers, what kinds of post would you like to see from me in the new future? In what aspects, could I improve on my blog? What are your thoughts?
Let me know. I would love to hear from you guys!

xo,
Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #23 – Be A Chameleonaire

Over the last week, I have taken a complete, thorough leave off of social media, my phone, social life, and blogging. This was as a result of having to make some fairly substantial changes within my life that I have been struggling to transition and to adapt to the way I would like to. In addition, this transition seems to be taking longer than I had expected.

My life has been a little stressful and overwhelming, as I am experiencing a time of transition and change – one that is positive and beneficial for me, but been quite difficult. While I have been enjoying every minute of it, and sometimes struggling to adapt calmly, I needed to realize my priorities and separate myself from social media, the Internet, blogging, my friends, my phone, among other aspects in my life.

During times of change and transition, which are completely inevitable during life, learning to accommodate the alterations of your life may consume your life, stress, and thought processes, in which you completely forget and disregard other relevant, or irrelevant, stressors in your life. Your life completely becomes consumed by the change happening around you and your focus barely leaves the attention of the “newness” of your life.

The “newness” of your life can be completely exciting, but it requires one to make changes and adjustments to one’s daily routine, priorities, and time-management.

In order to make a successful, and somewhat smooth, transition to the changes that you are incur during your life, it is best not to overwhelm yourself with the frustrations of having to make these changes in your daily routine. Having synchronicity and a sense of familiarity and comfort truly provides a sense of a security blanket, allowing one to build a daily routine, know one’s limits, know how to manage your time, and reduces one’s stress levels.

The process of adapting to change truly depends on the person, the timing of the change, the predictability of the change, the level of extremity of the change, and one’s willingness to want to make the change. Do not expect the journey of adaptation to take 24-hours, as it takes much longer to adapt to changes within your life.

You may find yourself frustrated, as you may find that you have to make extreme accommodations to your life and daily routines, which I find the most frustrating. In addition, it takes much more time to truly be adapted and feel comfortable with the changes you make within your life.

As adapting to changes is a process, you will begin to realize that while the journey may become more comfortable with time, there are many layers to adjusting and transitioning to changes. While you may have found some ease in some aspects of the change, making a full transition in all aspects of the change within your life may take years.

If only it was much easier…

The fascinating thing about change and learning to transition and adapt to any new aspects of your life is that adapting to new situations, circumstances, etc. occurs daily and more than we know.

No day ever goes PERFECTLY. In fact, every day, every individual must overcome some sort of hurdle within their day, whether it may be seen as big or small. These speed bumps are within our daily, regular routines, require one to make transitions and adapt to the roadblock ahead of them, in order to conquer this “change.”

Changes make anyone and everyone feel extremely uncomfortable, whether they show it, or express it, or not. Some individuals are great at masking their unconformability, frustrations, etc. when being faced with change. Others express their struggle to embrace change differently, or perhaps more visibly.

Adapting to changes, or being forced to make changes in your life, no matter who you are, is difficult. Changes bring out our greatest insecurities that may unveil some behaviors that are risky or unhealthy, changes in our mood, raise feelings of self-doubt, and have us feeling extremely vulnerable, insecure, and unsure. It is important, especially during the first few days, weeks, months, or even years, to be kind to yourself, and understand that we all internalize and process the idea of change at our own pace.

While it is easy to preach that having the best attitude possible towards the situation of change is the best way to handle it, it is not easy and you will, even I find myself, having a bad attitude, displacing my negative feelings onto others, acting impulsively, and engaging in self-doubt. I definitely fake it, even fight it, until I make it, at whatever cost.

But, while I secretly deep down possess a love/hate relationship with change, I believe it is one of the most beneficial experiences that one must go through.

During this journey of adaptation, you are able to learn a substantial amount about yourself. All the insecurities that you try to hide, all the walls you try to keep up, all the ways that you negatively cope with these changes, and all the ways you try to appear from being vulnerable or weak all reveal themselves. You must learn to test yourself and find productive ways to overcome these struggles, anxieties, and emotions. As, the longer you fight making adjustments to your life as a result of the inevitable, or inevitable change, the more difficult things may become for you.

And, yes, you will, whether you would like to or not, find yourself asking for help. No one wants to seem weak, clueless, out of the loop, etc., however, the only way to get through these times is to understand that it is okay to ask others around you for help. If you do not feel like you need help, simply asking a friend, trusted source, or opening up to just anyone can help alleviate your stress. Dealing with change is something that everyone can relate to, as nothing ever stays the same.

Personally, when change involves having to get accustomed to meeting new people, working together with those who are strangers, etc., I find myself struggling to adapt to overcome my own insecurities and clam up. I tend to isolate myself, which at times, makes me seem and come off as a nasty, shy, or catty girl. For me, adjustment serves the hardest when I have to encounter a new group of people, as I have found that I am an acquired taste and somewhat hard to understand, or perhaps relate to, especially when one first encounters me.

I, for one, hate seeming vulnerable, hate not coming off as perfect or professional, and sometimes, find myself suppressing my more humorous, outgoing side. So, often, when I first meet a new group of people, or a new person, I am often quiet and find myself observing those strangers around me, rather than focusing on getting acquainted with these new individuals. I would normally find this exciting, however, recently adjusting to meeting new people has become difficult for me.

For the first week of work, awkward, silent, and moderately funny was the approach I was going to take, as I wanted these new co-workers to realize that I am a hard-working, all while being taken seriously. I also, due to my own insecurities, took on a negative attitude of “why having to take on the burden of having to get to know 30 people who I will probably never talk to or hear from in five years,” so I decided to be negative, have an attitude, isolate myself, and change my whole persona. I felt those around me either confused, annoyed, and even not wanting to exert energy in even having to deal with this attitude and behavior. This was not successful, as I highlighted in my resume that I am outgoing and I am a team-player. Honestly, being cold-shouldered and not caring, is truly not who I am.

So, as the second week of work approached, I tried yet again. This time, I was going to try to take a chance, despite what my inner, negative thoughts were yelling at me. “This is work, it sucks anyways. Why waste energy to get to know these people? Just get into work and then get out.” But, I love to make the best out of everything, even long hours at work. Yes, work is work, but why make it more painful than not?

In this moment, I realized, “WOW! I am over thinking things. Just take a deep breath, accept the change, be awkward, and do not force anything out of myself or anyone that I do not want to. JUST CHILL OUT.” Instead of hiding my personality, or trying to pretend to be hardcore, I tried simply being vulnerable, asking for help, and most importantly, putting myself out there. Also, I needed to spend time worrying less about other people, worrying more about learning the job, and worrying about myself doing my job correctly. With that said, the rest would fall into place. I cannot change who I am, constantly going back and forth with how I want to present myself at work, so I just succumb to being the derp that I am.

Now, over the weekend of the second week of work, my true colors (the ditzy side of me, the more outgoing side of me, the less serious side of me, the weird side of me, etc.) began to show. The “little Ms. Perfect” act only worked for about two weeks, maximum. Now, I must say, even I was a little shocked by how quickly letting go of these negative feelings, over thinking, and all the toxic thoughts in my head, lead to me finally beginning to realize how quickly these adaptations could have been made, if only I had stuck to worrying about the important, more relevant things about transitioning to a new job.

Yup, to be real, my “little Ms. Perfect” persona was quickly murdered when I literally took a spill in front of one of my co-workers that I did not know very well and presumably gave a cold-shoulder to. Everything was going great, as I pretended to be perfect, to maintain composure and suppress my personality.

Here we go…this is what I call true embarrassment and revealing your most vulnerable side.

I literally slipped on a slippery and wet floor, as it felt like the concrete I was standing on was ripped from underneath me. I slipped on my butt, bruised every inch of my body, and knocked over quite a few many things. This was the moment when I decided to reveal my biggest secret of all: I am NOT perfect, I am very ditzy, I from time-to-time suck at life, and this is me most days. I am a human.

To say that my co-worker had tried hard not to laugh at me, as it happened so randomly, is an understatement. I am sure my cold-hearted exterior and negative demeanor made her hesitant to even crack a smile, as she had seen me crack, WHICH I NEVER LIKE PEOPLE SEEING ME DO. She just could not help it – “Finally, we see her in her true flesh,” she probably thought to herself.

She laughed VERY HARD, but apologized after laughing histarically and even in between every breathe. I am assuming, because she finally was able to capture a glimpse of the somewhat ridiculous and far-from-perfect person that I am. Whether she felt bad or not about actually laughing, does not matter. It was funny – she truly did not even need to ask if it was socially acceptable to laugh. In fact, I encouraged it. All this time I spent acting like I did not want to meet new people, make new friends, bond with others, and not seem perfect, all dissipated within seconds. I finally showed my true colors – I am not really the serious person, or whatever person, that I was trying to present myself as.

This slippery fall was the most painful reminder I have received in a while, as I have bruises everywhere to show for it, to remain true to yourself, not be so bitter, to not pretend like I do not make mistakes, to not make your life so much harder for yourself, etc. Most importantly, it taught me that being vulnerable and having fun at work is possible – also, there’s no need to hurt yourself in trying to present yourself as the perfect worker ever and isolate yourself from others.

No matter how hard you fight trying to be relatable, or trying to fight enjoying life, the gig will be up quickly.

Yes, you will take spills when you are experiencing changes, but yes, people will be understanding and are not trying to make things harder for you. Ask for help, especially when things are new to you. Take time to get to know your new environment. Open yourself up to new experiences. Learn that it will not be easy, but that is what others are there for.

While my new job occupies a significant amount of time, I have found that letting go of the animosity of having to make changes to my life and adjust to them has made it much easier on myself to process and transition much more quickly. Being open about communicating your thoughts and insecurities that you may be experiencing, while you are enduring these transitional phases of changes, is in your best interest. Not having a cold attitude, standoff-ish attitude about these changes, and realizing that it is uncomfortable for everyone, including your co-workers to also endure these changes, as there is once again a new employee, is also important. Getting acquitted with your new environment to the best of your extent and with a positive, outgoing mind is what is best.

An opportunity for change often leads to new experiences that you would have never come across if you had not taken a chance to take a leap of faith for change. Do not be afraid of the challenges, or fears, that may come of making a change to your life.

Change is difficult, can suck sometimes, but KNOW IT IS HEALTHY AND BUILDS CHARACTER. Allow yourself to be vulnerable during these times and get to know yourself a little better. Change is inevitable, however, there are ways to alleviate the stressors and anxiety that come of it. Remember, learning to adapt and transition to new situations, new environments, or even to new co-workers or to peers, is a process. Do not be hard on yourself.

The more experience you have to adapt to changes, the more accepting you will become of change.

Open your heart to some new experiences. It is much encouraged. Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of courage.

Let life shake you up a little bit, and as Taylor Swift belts, “shake it [the insecurities, emotional stressors, negative thought processes, and animosity, as a result of the change] off.”

As my mother constantly reminds my father, “You are a chameleon.” My father has the ability to adapt to changes in environment, social situations, professional changes, circumstantial situations, or many challenges very easily and quickly accordingly, taking into consideration the thorough circumstances of the “change,” without hesitation or without a negative attitude. This is something I admire. In fact, it almost seems unnatural how accepting and willing he is to embrace change and how quickly he is able to adapt to and make solutions to any changes he may encounter. It is a skill that I truly admire, as he does it with ease.

[Take some notes]


Here are some noteworthy features of chamelone’s that may serve useful in embracing a chamelonesque ability to adapt to change:

  1. Be vigilant of your surroundings & use your eyes, in order to successfully adapt and assess your next move
    “Each eye of the chameleon can move independently… They have a 360-degree wide view arc of vision and are capable of seeing two directions at the same instance…When they lock down their vision on any object (let’s say a prey), both eyes are brought to focus offering a sharp stereoscopic vision. This gives them the ability to precisely gauge the distance and plan on the next move.” (http://www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/)
  2. Learn to adapt to situational circumstances quickly (however, changing the color of your exterior is optional)
    “Typically, the top layers of the chromatophores have either a yellow or red pigment while the lower ones have white or blue pigments. These four colors combine to give the chameleon the color it desires. While it was believed for long that this camouflage feature helps the animal to avoid detection in a hostile environment or while stalking its prey. However, recent studies have proved that the color change is due to variation in mood, temperature, and light.” (http://www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/)

Learn to be a chamelone.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade


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Sources

  1. “10 Interesting Chameleon Facts.” Chameleons as Pets, www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/.