Life Hack #34 – Take Notes

I love taking notes, and then color-coding them, and then perfecting them to the closest thing to perfect.

I tend to only be this meticulous with taking notes and absorbing information when I am in class.

Taking notes, and I mean literally writing, or typing, down notes, reminders, or information that you should retain is especially important.

Outside of class, there are a million reasons why you should be taking notes, mentally, but most importantly, physically taking notes. Beyond the fact that human beings are incredibly forgetful, human beings are incredibly talented at making mistakes, and even ignoring important details. Taking notes can save you from a lot of stress, inconveniences, and trouble, all which are things that we do not enjoy.

My favorite way to keep track of my life, and every aspect of my life, is to jot down a to-do list. I also love to use planners and calendars, and the more, the merrier. I own at least three calendars and a handful of planners that I love to use, mostly for fun.

I did not used to be like this.

In fact, a few years ago you could not catch me taking notes or using a planner, especially for fun. There was a time when I thought all these tasks were simply unnecessary and a waste of time. Boy, I was wrong!

Beyond to-do lists, planners, and calendars, when I am absorbing directions or instructions of any sort, or am receiving important information that I would like to access and be reminded of easily, I am quick to grab a pen and a pad of paper. If the information is successfully transferred onto a piece of paper that I keep somewhere safe, the information is able to be accessed with ease. Most importantly, the information that you are accessing is correct, accurate, and untainted.

All human beings, including myself, are guilty of lying to ourselves that “we will remember that thing that we thought kind of hard about writing down.” This results in more stress and more problems, as you are forced to construct a semi-accurate version of the information. Your version of the information is simply based on how much you absorbed the information, your ability to listen intently, and your memory. The chances of your almost-accurate information being correct is more often low rather than high. While your version of the information is not a lie and may convey “the same idea,” it is not and will not be correct. Most commonly, while the big picture of the information may have been received, individuals tend to miss the details, which are the important parts.

Taking notes is especially pertinent for those trying to pay attention to details.

Details are hypothetically smaller than the bigger picture. Human beings are all guilty of forgetting the details, or ignoring the details. But, the details are just about the only time that we should be paying attention. Instead of absorbing the details, we tend to focus on the bigger picture and are unable to appreciate, or even acknowledge, the importance of the details. Not knowing the details of any situation you encounter most often  results in mistakes, more trouble, etc.

We are all human, so we are allowed to make mistakes. But, do not let that be your excuse for not paying attention to the details of anything. It is important that you learn how vital it is to recognize the magnitude of importance that details, or skipping details, play in our lives.

Accuracy and meticulous tendencies, such as taking notes in important, information-filled situations, is extremely beneficial things that one should practice.

Even with meticulous tendencies and over-alert awareness for paying attention to the details, one can forget the details.

Can you blame them, though?

Details are just so small, and our society celebrates and promotes the concept of “the bigger picture.” Once again, the small, minute details of an otherwise bigger picture are overlooked, as if they do not play a huge role in the creation of a bigger picture.

Within a bigger picture, one can find one big picture. One can also find hundreds of small, minute details that come together to create the “bigger picture,” in which you are staring at. Without the small, minute details, there would be no bigger picture. Or, the bigger picture would just be a blank, white canvas that looks just like the others.

From experience when I am beginning a new job and am learning all my job duties, and all the details behind my duties, I always grab a pen and paper to jot down any notes, or information, that I find important, I feel is emphasized, or I feel as though I may forget.

Let’s just say that I take a lot of notes.

Just because you are taking down notes does not mean that you do not have a good memory, or that you cannot handle life. It just means that you have accepted the fact that our ability to go beyond listening, or pretending to listen, to information and actually proceed to process, acknowledge, remember, and implement every single task correctly without any reminders, or without forgetting, is not as great as we would like to believe.

We all would like to remember every little thing without having to take notes, or make reminders, details and all. But, this is simply not realistic.

Write down everything if you so please, especially if it is going to assist you in retaining information accurately. Our brains can only remember so much!

Most of us have had our entire lives, minus our infancy, to practice taking notes.

Let’s take it outside of the classroom, how about that?

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #33 – Patience & Persistence, My Friends!

Words that start with the letter “p” are generally quite silly, like poop, party, play, penis, and pajamas, but two words that start with the letter “p” that are far from silly, include patience and persistence.

Patience and persistence are two qualities that are not only important to learn, acknowledge, and practice in life, but are the keys to success, eternal happiness, and fufillment.

When I think of success, patience and persistence are the two words that follow the idea behind success.
In a utopian world, success would be something that was much more attainable and accessible to all, allowing people to achieve success without even having to endure hardship, hardwork or failure. Success could be attained in a blink of an eye, without having to master the qualities of patience and persistence.

It does not matter how long I have lived, or been around the block, patience and persistence are genuinely rare qualities to find in people, as many people do not initially possess the qualities of patience and persistence. I do not believe that these qualities are innate, but rather are learned, practiced, and acknowledged over a period of time.
Sometimes, I truly believe that individuals have no idea what being patient even means, let along persistent. Patience and persistence take years, sometimes even a lifetime, to truly master, or to truly engage in regularly.

In a society that prioritizes the ideal of success, I am here to tell you that success comes to those who truly are patient and persistence in their art. Change, or even desireable results, do not happen overnight. In fact, it takes weeks, months, and even years of persistence and patience to often produce the favorable, successful results that you yearn for so bad. Even then, you may never see the favorable results that you were always expecting and dreaming of.

While the answer to achieving success does not ONLY involve patience and persistence, these two qualities are some of the major factors that play into the level of success that you can achieve.
Patience is necessary, because as I mentioned above, growing success, or success, does not happen overnight. Sometimes, success can come to you all at once, allowing for an enormous amount of growth and successful results, however, a constant rate of growth and success is just not possible. At some point, the progress may seemingly come to a halt, as the amount of success that you just experienced is something of the past and the results that you work so hard for are just not cutting it. You may feel like you hit a plateau, as you find yourself stuck with the same, or similar, underwhelming results day-in-and-day-out.
Hardship, or times that seem unfavorable, are necessary for individuals to learn the quality of patience. You need to experience struggle, frustration, anger, or some emotions, about a situation, a business, a statistic, etc., in order to fully grasp the concept of being patient, or else you are not doing it right.
The idea of patience is that no matter how frustrating, difficult, or uncomfortable things may get, or may seem, that you are able to keep trying and keep working hard every day, understanding that you will not experience the benefits of your hardwork immediately, despite the fact that you may be frustrated, uncomfortable, and emotional about the way that things are turning out. Patience truly tests you, as the idea of patience encompasses maintaining consistent reactions to both good results and bad results.
Instead of immediately giving up on my blog when I did not see the results that I wished for, only after three weeks of creating it, I learned that with patience I could slowly begin working towards more favorable results, by continuing to post regularly, or iregularly, and simply giving it time.
As we all know, Rome was not built overnight.
Patience combats the idea behind satisfying your ego immediately, and instead forces individuals to work and to wait for the satisfication. In a society that thrives on immediate gratification of one’s ego, patience is often forgotten, not practiced, and not understood by the majority of the population. This is ironic, as life is all about learning to patient, with situations, with people, with life, with education, etc.
Patience can be applied to every aspect of your life, from health, to careers, to success, to learning, to education, to relationships, to friendships, to pain, to hardship, etc. It should be applied to as many aspects of your life as possible!

Perserverance is another very strong “p” word that resonates very highly with my soul. Perserverance is the act of keeping pushing on, despite any bumps, dips, or potholes in the road. Despite what life may throw you, deciding to keep trying is the definition of perserverance. I describe perserverance as “fighting the good fight.”
Perserverance is SO important to learn, practice, and acknowledge in your lifetime, as it can be applied to every aspect of your life.
Life is infamous for throwing people curveballs that come from left-field, and while we cannot always prepare for the worst and prepare for battle, learning to practice the act of perserverance is a very important lifeskill that you do not want to miss out on.
Perserverance, while similar to the idea behind patience, is different than patience, in the sense that perserverance encompasses the idea of “continuing to take stabs at something,” no matter what the circumstances may be. Patience more focuses on maintaining a sense of calm, without complaints, or loss of temper, despite how outside forces may be erupting or affecting your life, your mood, or patience.

While patience is more closely associated with maintaining a cool temper and overall demeanor, especially during times that seemingly make you want to completely want to give up, and perserverance is more closely associated with acting persistently, despite any hardships, difficulties, etc., patience and perserverance sometimes seem like they could be the same thing! I believe that these terms are so closely associated with each other that you can not be patient without persistent, and you can not be persistent without any patience. They truly go hand-in-hand, especially when expediting the journey to success! With patience and persistence, an individual can truly reach their potential, and then some, as these two traits are the fundamentals for achieving success, or even simply achieving a goal.

It sometimes may seem like throwing in the towel, or otherwise getting upset, irritated, and losing your temper, may be the answer, or the easier answer. But, easy does not get you very far in life and produces results that are less fufilling than results that one has perservered and been patient for.
The phrase, “Finally, all the hardwork paid off,” comes from a lifetime, or maybe less, of engaging in perserverance and patient behavior.

Practicing patience and practicing perserverance is not easy by any means, and for someone who has been told that I am patient and a fighter, I even know that I could be A LOT more patient and perservere through so much more than people give me credit for. Personally, patience and perserverance have been some of the most difficult qualities to emulate, because it requires a lifelong commitment and lifelong practice.

Even the most patient and persistent people find themselves engaging in inpatient and inpersistent behavior, during times of hardship, struggle, and discomfort.
While we are all not perfect and will fall victim of throwing in the towel, I encourage you to actively and genuinely make an effort to practice these two values! They will serve as beneficial in the long-run, and you will not regret it!

P A T I E N C E  &  P E R S E R V E R A N C E  A R E  M Y  V I R T U E S .
What are your virtues that you like to go out of your way to practice and embody?

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #32 – Music Often

I know that word on the street is that math is the universal language, but I would care to argue that music is also a universal language.

The greatest part about music is that there is an excess amount of music available for individuals worldwide to access and to enjoy. Similarly, there is always new music being produced and being made available daily for listeners to indulge in.

There is certainly no shortage of music in our world. But, sometimes there just does not seem to be enough.

Music provides a lot for individuals, including providing entertainment, providing noise, providing a coping mechanism, providing distractions, providing an opportunity to create, explore, and enjoy, etc. Music is a universal language in the sense that music is incorporated into cultures everywhere worldwide, as it is a way for individuals of different cultures to express themselves and get in touch with their creative side. Music can also serve as a

Music also has the incredibly powerful ability to unify individuals across the world, which not many things can possibly do. Music has the ability to bring individuals together, especially for those who may share similar taste in music, or for for those who enjoy the same artist, band, DJ, etc. Just by the power of music, people of different cultures, or even oppositional cultures, could find themselves coming together for a unified cause; to enjoy music. The power of music is so incredible that it even is able to unify strangers from across the world, just because individuals may enjoy the same band, artist, or song. That is saying a lot more than many political treaties that have come forth, in the attempts to unify, or attempt to bring peace, into two warring nations.

Another universal aspect of music is that people in cultures every way enjoy music, regardless of the genre. Each culture’s music is influenced by other cultures, their music, etc., so they all sound different and are unique to each culture.

What is incredibly awespiring about music is its’ ability to relate and to speak to individuals. A song, a band, or the beat of a song can have the ability to truly move someone. In fact, a song, an album, a band, etc. can be a source of refuge for those struggling with the hardships of life. It is extremely comforting to find a song that completely describes your current life situation, your mindset, etc. These songs that you can personally relate to, based on experiences, allow you to relate with your emotions with another person. Sometimes, you may find yourself completely misunderstood and find yourself struggling to relate with others around you about the situations you are currently dealing with.
When humans cannot seem to provide you the escape and comfort that you need, you can always count on music.

Music is a powerful force, as a result it has many powerful benefits to listening to it. According to past studies, listening to music that you enjoy that your brain releases dopamine, which has the ability to assist in positively affecting your mood. Music can therefore assist in the regulation of one’s mood, all while creating happiness in one’s daily life.

For those work-out junkies, what is a good workout without some good music running, hiking, or even eliptical-ing, behind you? It is not a work-out that is for sure. Studies have shown that music has the potential to boost aerobic exercise, boost mental and physical stimulation, and increase overall physical performance.

Similarly, music has the ability to decrease stress and decrease anxiety, especially music with a slow-tempo, lo-pitch, and little vocals. Listening to this calm, slow-tempo music has also been found to help those suffering from insomnia. In the study, individuals suffering with insomnia were able to fall asleep with calm, slow-tempo music playing in the background.

I enjoy many types of music. I cannot say that I truly enjoy one single genre of music over the other one, as I enjoy listening to music of all types of genres, sub-genres, and of different influences. It is truly facisnating to explore different cultures music, and it never makes for a boring day. I come across brand new music multiple times every day! Similarly, I listen to a wide variety of music every day. I can listen to anything from classical music to techno music to hip-hop/rap music to electronic music to funk in an entire day, which leaves me not enough memory or storage on my laptop to explore and uncover musical hidden gems.
Growing up, I played classical piano, somewhat competitively, for ten years, which only expanded my passion for music.
All I can say is that I like something with a good beat, or “anything that is good.”

The genre that I dislike has to be country music, as I never was exposed to it growing up and never found myself going crazy for country music. It just happens to not be my glass of wine, or my cup of tea.

Discovering new music has been made much easier and much more accessible for our society, as we have things such as YouTube, Soundcloud, Spotify, etc. that allow you to discover music of all different genres at the tip of your fingers. It is incredible how much new music you can find when you are mindlessly clicking on any of these music discovery platforms. All of a sudden my library of music suddenly expands by 30 songs, just simply by exploring and discovering new music on these various music platforms.

Below is a playlist of new songs that I recently discovered and have found myself enjoying to the fullest:
(You can find all these songs on SoundCloud)

Fa-la-la Playlist

  1. I Want You Back – Jackson 5
  2. Bones (feat. Tilli) – StéLouse
  3. Fuck Your Money – ELOHIM
  4. RØMANS – Happy Love (SAINT WKND Remix)
  5. Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It – Will Smith
  6. Manila Killa – Youth (Feat. Satica)
  7. BTFU (Mommy Issues) – Mark Johns
  8. Silence (feat. Khliad) – Marshmello
  9. Call On Me (Ryan Riback Remix) – Starley
  10. Lift Yourself – Kanye West
  11. I’m God – Clams Casino
  12. Play Catch – Rockwell Knuckles
  13. Wet Dreamz – J. Cole
  14. Dysfunctional – Tech N9ne
  15. Colours (Xaphoon Jones Remix)
  16. Sick Of Love (Blush Remix) – Lucian
  17. I Fall Apart – Post Malone

Do not let the beautiful gift and sound of music go to waste.
What are your favorite songs? What is your favorite part about music?

Bump your sick beats and blast your headphones so the guy next door can hear. Discover the beats, then share the beats with the world!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #31 – Take A Walk In Someone Else’s Shoes

Our society is driven by the value of self-preservation, or looking out for oneself, and while this is very important, it is just as important to take care of those around you.

Our lives are distracting, busy and stressful and it is easy to forget to consider the feelings of others amidst your own life. This does not make you a bad person at all, as we are all guilty of being selfish and putting ourselves ahead of others. It is incredibly important to always be taking care of yourself, but part of taking care of yourself involves taking care of those around you, whether they are loved ones or strangers.

Everyone’s feelings, realities, circumstances, struggles, etc. are all valid and it feels good to have these things acknowledged by others.

You never know what someone is going through – you have probably heard this phrase before. You have probably also heard that you should treat others how you would like to be treated. Both these phrases are extremely pertinent in understanding and recognizing the importance of understanding and being compassionate towards others around you.

It is not always easy to take others feelings into account, or what they may be going through. This is especially the case when I find myself irritated with someone, as I often only take into consideration my own hurt feelings into account. More often than not, I find myself directly placing blame on things, people, circumstances, etc. for things that are not directly their faults. Sometimes, it may even seem as if I am not capable of attempting to understand why things have happened and the role that I have played in the situation, circumstance, tussle, etc. that may be occupying my busy brain.

Most commonly, when I am experiencing a case of “being butthurt,” or being #offended by a situation, I do not ever take a walk in other people’s shoes. When my feelings are hurt, I never think about what I may have done to contribute to contribute to my feelings being hurt. I find myself holding my feelings above others, but rarely bother to take account other’s feelings, circumstances, etc. Often, people may act out, or out of character, as a result of circumstances within their own life. This is called displacement of anger, and individuals often do this because they are dealing with unresolved hardships within their lives. It is important to realize that we all act and react differently towards life. While it is easy to pass judgement, or act rude towards others, because you may not agree with someone about something, this kind of attitude and reaction will not get you anywhere, or very far.

When was the last time that someone acknowledged and validated your feelings? I truly hope that it was not too long ago. Our society lacks compassion and empathy towards others, and the struggles they may be facing. It is an incredibly amazing feeling to feel acknowledged, validated, and loved, especially by others. It is not every day that someone is willing to look past the ugly, accept and celebrate you, and show compassion, love and empathy towards the misfortunes, or hardships, that you may be facing.

Everyone needs and deserves a good friend such as this, that is simply willing to attempt to understand you, your reactions, your decisions, essentially your entire being, and love you regardless.

Whether you decide to simply just be a shoulder to cry on, or an ear that they can confide in, embrace others and try to be a friend to them.

Every single person that inhabits this Earth is struggling, in some form or another. We all mask our troubles differently, but in way or another. It is easy to forget this, as we often are blinded by our own struggles.

I do not know about you, but sometimes I get bored of addressing my own reality and my own hurdles that I need to jump, that it is refreshing to take a dip in someone else’s pool of problems.

This type of empathy, compassion, and kindness can go a long way. Beyond this, practicing being a more impartial individual, and practicing being more empathic compassionate and loving, will teach you a lot about patience, including learning to be patient with yourself and to be patient with those around you.

Yup, the world should not only revolve around you. Your world should revolve around numerous other worlds.

It is important to take care of yourself, but do not forget to take care of others, just in case, other people forget to do it. It is our civic duty to take care of other people, because no one else can take care of people the way that other people can.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #30 – S/O To My Squad

Celebrate and shout out your fellow cheerleaders, or your support system, and do this regularly! You can never celebrate and uplift your personal cheer squad too much, as their existence in your life deserves infinite amounts of celebratory praise and appreciation. The more that you continue to acknowledge and to truly appreciate the positivity that their existence brings to your life, the more love and the more growth that friendship will begin to experience. Similarly, the more love and the more appreciation you begin to show the members of your personal cheerleading squad, the more that this individual will begin to shine and the more that this individual will begin actively exuding their best qualities, whether you notice this or not.

Everything about displaying appreciation for your support system presents positive benefits, even if these benefits may not be clearly visible for you to see.
Individuals tend to exude their best qualities and be the best versions of themselves when they are presented with positive, kind reminders of the great things that they bring to the table. In short, individuals tend to react much more positive to positive reinforcement, which can come in the form of compliments, daily reminders, etc., than they react to negativity. This is self explanatory, as human beings are programmed to respond and react in a more positive way when they are offered incentives, such as compliments, gifts, etc.

While it is nearly impossible to actively address every single one of your personal cheerleading squad with appreciation every day, however, it is incredibly important to enforce acts of appreciation for your support system, at least once a week. Tending to your support system is similar to tending to a garden; if you do not water the plants in your garden regularly, or proceed to take care of this garden, the plants in your garden will slowly begin decaying. If you continue to neglect taking care of your garden, it will result in a garden full of feeble, weak, unstable, rickety, and fragile decayed plants, which are far from accountable, let along desireable. Further neglegance over the care of your garden will result in a environment full of weeds, which will only further complicates your life by adding unnecessary clutter that you do not even want to deal with. The goal of a garden is to create an oasis, in which all of the plants are happy, healthy, strong, and stable, which are all adjectives that should describe the members of your support system. Just like your garden, you want your support system to consist of accountable, hearty, and unwavering individuals, as a strong and capable support system allows for the best opportunity for an individual to flourish and to blossom.

The foundation of one’s success rate begins with their support system, or their personal cheerleading squad. The stronger the foundation, the more stable and powerful the support system is.

A support system does not come together in the blink an eye. In fact, casting cheerleaders for your personal squad can take years and try-outs are held numerous times a month, sometimes a day. Try-outs are relentless and you will come across many desireable members for your squad, however, not every member that you cast will end up sticking around. Some cheerleaders that have made the cut for your squad initially may possess the skills and the foundation to be an excellent member of your squad, however, not every individual has the ability to mesh well with your cheerleading squad. As a result of extensive the selection process that goes into the casting process of your permanent cheerleading squad, you will encounter many temporary members, who may cheer for your team only for a short amount of time. This means that you will often find many individuals to quit the cheerleading squad, only supporting you for a temporary amount of time. These individuals are not necessarily “bad,” however, it just means that this individual just may not be the best fit for your cheerleading squad. As a result, their long-term participation on your cheerleading squad is simply out of the question. Some members of your cheerleading squad may serve shorter sentences than others who may hold a more permanent place within your cheerleading squad.

We are always changing, as our lives, so it is only natural that only a small percentage of the potential squad members are able to make the squad every try-out, as the nature, essence, goals, and priorities of the cheerleading squad is constantly changing. The permanent place-holding cheerleaders possess the qualities, patience, acceptance, and attitude to conform, and furthermore, support the cheerleading squad with their utmost ability. Not every cheerleader will possess the skills to successfully mold into the needs of the cheerleading squad, all while providing other benefits to the cheerleading squad that help the squad grow, succeed, fail, struggle, and fight. The ones that possess the love, patience, acceptance and support to hold a permanent place on your cheerleading squad time and time again are the individuals that you should never forget to shower with love, compliments, kindness, compassion, joy, and support. These people that constantly drag their booties to every life event and stand on the sidelines constantly rooting for you to succeed and to win are a rare breed, and should always be kept close to your heart.

Just like your cheerleading is constantly looking out for your best interest, it is important that you reciprocate the favor, by also tending to their needs, wants, and their best interests. After all, you do want your squad at their best, mentally, physically and emotionally.

I guarantee that all the members of your personal cheerleading squad will personally appreciate it, as it is not only polite and kind to treat people as they treat you. People will begin to lose motivation to actively work their bodies to ground for someone who either fails to acknowledge or appreciate all the good that you are doing for them. Within every functional relationship, the idea of a two-way street is always evident. It does feel nice to be recognized for your kind deeds and honest intentions, even though kindness and honest intentions do not require acknowledgement.

It is very important to get to know your personal fan-base. You should seek to form relationships with each and every member of your current squad, as knowledge serves to be a beneficial facet of building the most successful squad for your current reality. By forming personal and intimate relationships with every member of the squad, you can identify strengths and weaknesses, personalities, etc. within your squad. With this information, you can further work to mold your dream squad to showcase their utmost strengths.

Intimacy within a team of any kind functions at its’ most effective pace when members are motivated to work together. A motivation to work together sprouts from knowing, and therefore, trusting the people that have your back. It is safe to conclude that one’s ability to actively and effectively work with others closely is an important aspect in concluding whether or not they are fit to be apart of your squad. Members of your dream team should feel comfortable working with other members of your cheer squad to further benefit you, or otherwise solidify their support system.

It is much easier and comfortable living your life, knowing that you have an entire cheerleading squad behind you, rooting for you and supporting you, in sickness and in health. While it is fundamental to find support within yourself, individuals tend to experience more successful outcomes when they have a strong support system that is willing to work with you, and all your unique needs, wants, comfortability, strengths, weaknesses and your personality and behaviors, to develop a unique, effective cheer routine that caters to your unique existence, your current priorities, needs, and wants, in order to execute the routine in the most successful and most accurate way that they are able to, in order to make you happy, support you, and bring you success and happiness.

You should treat the members of your hard-working cheer squad like they are your family. Your cheerleading squad does not always have to include members of your family, however, it is important to recognize that your cheer squad is your non-biological family. They are very important forces in your well-being, happiness, etc.

No amount of reciprocation of kindness is ever too much. Throwing a themed party to celebrate and appreciate all the members of your metaphoric backbone, or spine, should be mandatory for all individuals, as we do not celebrate people’s existence nearly enough within our society. Your spinal chord, or your support system, is a very important part of your body, as it holds more responsibilities than the President of America. It is so important to take care of your spinal chord – I would even recommend spoiling your squad, especially the good ones. You know who they are!

Pampering and spoiling those you love is not a crime. Showing someone how much they mean to you speaks louder than words, and you should never take advantage of these permanent members of your cheerleading squad. These permanent place-holders on your squad do more than tolerate your existence. In fact, being apart of someone’s support system, or truly caring for another human being, is a full-time job. Their time is so valuable – do not waste their time and energy failing to acknowledge how much they do for you, whether you notice the good that they bring or not.

The way you choose to express and to celebrate every member of your support system is up to you. The size or the grandiosity of the gesture hardly plays a role in how thankful that individual be with your graceful act of appreciation. A little does go a long way, in this case.

Do not be afraid to celebrate, to enjoy, and to appreciate all the good humans that work very hard to keep you happy, healthy, and strong.

SPOIL YOUR RIDE OR DIE HOMIES. IT IS NOT A CRIME!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #29 – “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom ever follow it”

Alice from Alice In Wonderland infamously states, “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom ever follow it.”
This may be one of the most relatable quotes from a Disney movie that I have ever heard.

The issue that Alice is addressing is the issue that our wisdom and our advice often is correct, however, as humans, we often avoid implementing and acting on our advice and wisdom. It is not fair to say that we often waste our advice on ourselves, as we often steer clear from ever listening to ourselves even though we would like to help ourselves.

We are often full of good advice and valuable wisdom that should be utilized to further better ourselves, further better our lives, further better our perspective, etc.

Implementing the piece of advice that you have set forth for yourself, or for others, is much easily said than done.

I do not know about you, but I would rather be giving advice, useless or useful, than actually going out and acting upon these realizations.

Acknowledging the advice that you have either received from yourself, or others, is the first step towards making changes, so one can eliminate the issue that required your unsollicited advice. However, if you just stop at acknowledging how much your life would get better, if only you would just follow through with acting on your advice, you may find yourself at a standstill.

Advice requires action, or requires one to make adjustments and changes, in order to fix or change the part of our life that required us to seek advice in the first place.

“Practice what you preach,” is a relavant phrase for those to acknowledge, especially those who are often found handing individuals, or themselves, advice, solicited or unsolicited.

From an outsider’s perspective, individual’s who are often caught handing out their advice seemingly appear like they have all the answers in the world, or possess some sort of access to this unlimited wisdom that allows them to live their seemingly perfect lives, with the utmost composure. It almost seems like they have all the answers in the world.
Yes, they may be flawed, but they are able to present themselves in such a way that makes them seem like they can handle any situation that life throws at them with grace, without the assistance of advice.

This perception of “wise individuals” is highly incorrect, as we all struggle with life, we all seek advice, and we all have so many unanswered questions. Life is an never ending lesson and we will never stop learning, growing, and gaining more insight into life.

As a blogger that often gives out advice, or shares life experiences, I am often faced with the perception that I always know what to do, how to handle myself, and that I know my way around life a little better than most. This is far from the truth, as I am constantly learning, growing, and seeking advice.
Furthermore, while I truly attempt to follow my own advice and be the best version of myself, I am a great example of someone who fails to actively take their own advice, especially in times of need.
Sometimes, it honestly feels better to throw yourself a pity party than to actually follow through, or even listen to, your own advice. Ignoring my own advice is something that I find myself struggling with at least 100 times a day, which is a lot of time spent ignoring rather than simply just listening. Out of the 100+ times a day that I ignore my advice, or the advice that others give me, I only listen to advice, help, etc. of any sort only 3% of the time, which is a small percentage of the time.

Why we chose to often ignore our advice truly depends on the situation, the person, the person’s willingness to change, self-doubt, the idea that ignorance is bliss, etc., The reasons are extensive and unique to each and every individual, so it is incredibly difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of our ignorance.
Sometimes, we even bask in the glory of engaging in our own pity parties, without making any attempts to make changes, even though you may be aware that something within your life needs to change.

I am full of good advice, old and new clichès, and life lessons from personal experiences, my peers, and the Internet. With all this access to advice and wisdom, it is truly a surprise how adamant we are on not listening to the advice and wisdom that is so clearly abundant within our own lives. Advice and wisdom can be found in even the most random of places, and you would be surprised how much wisdom and information you are able to soak up in just 24 hours. You are constantly gathering information and making observations about life, other’s lives, and your life, both consciously and subconsciously. We are much more wise and intuitive than we even know, or can even conceptualize.

Making judgement calls about how to handle the advice that you have been given, and possessing the ability to closely examining how the real life situation can be altered, or otherwise improved, with the assistance of some outside wisdom, requires an individual to know “right” from “wrong.” Our definitions of “right” and “wrong” are unique to each and everyone of us, however, there are a handful of things that are considered either “right” or “wrong” that are universally shared within communities, or religions, or cultures, or societies. Actions that are considered “right” are celebrated by society, and actions that are considered “wrong doing” result in punishment. These ideas of “right” and “wrong” are upheld by society, the government, etc., and these ideas are constantly being enforced and reaffirmed, whether we realize it or not.

When applying a judgement call to a situation, it is important to recognize what parts of a situation are working for you, or bringing forth benefits, and which aspects of the situation are only bringing negativity into our lives, or otherwise making our lives much harder than it should be.
Judgement calls are often done without even consciously realizing it, as the concept of “good” and “bad” are engrained in the way that we think and make decisions. Some situations may require more thought and consideration than other situations, but once you are able to properly assess the nature of a situation that may be troubling you, a quarter of the battle has already been won.

A lack of awareness of the way a situation may be affecting you, either positively or negatively, can be dangerous thing, as situations that are negatively affecting you may suddenly take a shape of its’ own, without you even realizing it. Even if life seems to unfolding right in front of your eyes, I have found that it always seems like everyone, but you, are able to thoroughly identify how a situation may be affecting you. Your peers, or an outside perspective, are able to actively witness and observe from a distance, however, often when you are right in the heart of a situation, it is incredibly difficult to truly grasp a thorough understanding of the severity that a situation is affecting you.

Often, we may blame our lack of motivation to make changes, or accept advice, whether it is solicited or unsolicited, on a lack of awareness. Most of the time, I have found that individuals often exhibit a lack of willingness to accept a situation for what it is, or pretending to prefer existing in a state of denial, is the most popular reason for individual’s ignoring advice and wisdom, even if it is coming from ourselves. As human beings, we are much more intuitive and sensitive than we even give ourselves credit for. A state of denial is incredibly dangerous, as individual’s become set on fighting their current reality. It is very easy to fall into a state of denial, as many situations that we are often in denial about are situations that are somewhat personal to us, or spark some sort of emotional reaction within us.

Most individuals are great listeners and truly attempt to implement the advice they have received into their current reality. In fact, most individuals have the best intentions, but get tripped up when it comes to the actual implementation of the advice. Every person will interpret advice differently, as advice can often be applied to more than situation. As a result, the way that an individual incorporates the advice they have been given in order to make changes in their life, differs from every individual. Similarly, an individual’s levels of enthusiasm to implement changes to their current reality, all while taking into account the advice they received, varies from person to person, as well as from situation to situation.

I believe that most individuals do not actively mean to ignore advice, but what we fail to realize is that, for an individual to fully recognize the advice that they receive, the advice must be relayed to an individual more than a handful of times.
Throughout your entire life, you could hear the same advice, or thoughts that others have about ways that you could grow, learn, and improve, but you could also go your entire life without even accepting, and therefore, implementing, the advice.
There are many reasons for this lack of ability to fully utilize a piece of advice, but the main reason is that often other aspects of an individual’s life are distracting them from processing the advice. Another reason behind a lack of implementation of advice includes that other facets of an individual’s life are more important to them, and as a result, this piece of advice that is repeated to them their entire life is never truly acknowledged, SIMPLY BECAUSE IT IS NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO THAT PERSON.

Advice and wisdom from outside sources should always be taken with a grain of salt. Sometimes, advice and wisdom comes from a place that does not look out for your best interest, or is based off of dishonesty. The source of the advice and the wisdom is a factor that one should take into consideration, all the time. The advice and the wisdom, if it comes from a dishonest place, may not serve any benefits for you, and may even end up hurting you.

Do not shut your ears and your eyes off to the advice and the wisdom that life constantly offers us, even when we do not want it, or are not seeking it. It may end up being more helpful and useful than you could ever imagine.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #28 – Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall, Will I Ever Have A Spouse At All?

“Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall, Will I Ever Have A Spouse At All?”

Both, ladies and gentleman, this is the lifelong, eternal question that haunts individuals of all ages and genders, including those who may already have a spouse. This is one question that tends to infiltrate the minds of all individuals, as marriage, or at least having a significant other, or being in an active relationship, is an aspect of life that all cultures tend to regard as something of high-priority.

For some reason, across many, if not all, marriage has become regarded as an aspect of life that cultures have regarded as essential in sealing the fate of living a full, storybook, fufilling, and happpy life. In fact, not being married, among many cultures (as I do not want to generalize), is considered abnormal and is in some cultures frowned upon.

Across a wide variety of cultures, marriage has become a standard practice that individuals feel as though they must engage in, due to societal pressures. Whether one’s reasons behind marriage, include societal pressures, misconceptions that unmarried people will live unhappy lives, planned marriages, or just the prominence of marriage within a society, marriage, or finding a life partner, or being in a relationship with someone, are notions that constantly haunt the minds of all individuals.

With that said, word on the street is that marriage is wonderful and extremely fufilling. Many say that it is also very fun and that it is an incredible experience to be able to spend, what seems like an entire lifetime, with a single individual, sharing a lifetime of unforgettable memories, whether they be good or bad. The idea about being in a relationship, or sharing parts of your life with a special someone else, can be equally as terrifying as it is exciting.

The part about letting someone into your world that is terrifying is the fear that once someone truly gets to know you and sees who you are behind closed doors, open doors, slightly open doors, locked doors, or unlocked doors, that you may face rejection. These so-called “flaws,” or aspects of our vulnerable self that we exhibit in many different elements, that will appear in time, may end up resulting in a relationship, or a commitment to someone, disappating.

To a certain extent, every human hides certain characteristics that they may not be proud of, that they may not understand, or that you simply may not be aware of at first glance. These “flaws,” or fundamentally unique facets of other’s personalities, tend to appear after a length of time, often after an individual begins feeling comfortable. While we all attempt to hide these aspects of ourselves that may give strangers, or simply others, a reason to question, pick at, or poke fun at, for as long as we can. Unfortunately, maintaining a facad forever, without showing any signs of vulnerability, including emotional, physical or mental aspects of vulnerability, is simply impossible. In time, you will end up slipping up, or slipping out or your clothing, and you will end up feeling naked and afraid.

The part about love, marriage, falling in love, getting in a relationship, developing a crush, or even showing interest in someone, that is extremely exciting is the idea that you have a support, unless this relationship is completely toxic and abusive, or at least someone to lean on, to hang out with, and to share memories with. It is a very exciting feeling when two individuals are able to come together, no matter how long the relationship carries on, and engage in being vulnerable with one specific person. It feels incredible, because you feel as though your relationship with this person is completely unique and seperate. It also allows you to get to understand, love, and divulge into someone’s life, as you get to be apart of something even more special. The times you share together always seems special, especially when the love is there. It is crazy that in some sense their world also becomes yours, as you feel each other’s emotions and become apart of each other’s lives. The relationship that you share with each other is obviously different than the relationships individual’s share with their close friends, family, pets, best friends, coworkers, etc., as you begin sharing intimate parts of your life with each other. It is just a truly wonderful feeling to know that, regardless of the circumstances, the way the relationship may or may not end, etc., that there is someone, who you are able to share your world with, be yourself around, spend infinite amounts of time together, and make everlasting memories with, that is standing by your side. When you are feeling lonely, sad, or just plain struggling, it can be extremely comforting to know that you have a special someone who is willing to help you out, who loves you, and who wants the best for you.

Becoming intimate and integrating your world with someone is extremely terrifying for me. While the idea of having a relationship and being able to share the world with someone sounds amazing and is something I idealize, this idea also truly scares me and my fear of letting someone in, all while being completely vulnerable, has led to many failed relationships. I am the queen of “almost relationships,” as I have always claimed to be anti-relationship. “I DO NOT WANT TO BE TIED DOWN,” I claim. “I need all the freedom in the world.” Some other excuses include, “what is the point if I am not marrying them?” Or, maybe try, “I do not want to get hurt, because that is a waste of time.”

I have a million excuses and then some more. I claim to be realistic about relationships, when in fact, I am just a little insecure about showing my raw, most genuine self to others. Showing my raw, most genuine self means that others may see, view, criticize, or judge me, the way that I choose to look at myself. I do not have poor self-esteem, per-say. However, I am a severely hard critic on myself, and as a result of me prioritizing my everlasting need to be the best version of myself as much as possible every day, I am afraid, judgemental scared, and insecure about myself when I am not at my best self. This overwhelming need to outwardly and inwardly be my best self is a great “flaw” that I am grateful for, as it assists in keeping me focused on always growing, improving, and to prioritize self-reflection, however, the severity of my irrational fear to allow others to experience facets of myself that I am not even comfortable with, nor do I enjoy witnessing or showcasing, often holds me back from truly allowing someone to get to know me a little deeper. Instead of pulling someone closer, or inviting them inside my reality and existence, I have a consistent track record of finding ways to successfully drive potential personnel’s of interests away by engaging in emotionally immature, or self-destructive, or simply just reckless behavior, in the hopes that these horrible defense mechanisms will push them away. Not only does it end up hurting myself and the other party, but I am often left with a heck of a lot of embarrassing stories, a lot of people who are either unhappy, worried, ashamed, disappointed, and confused by my behavior.

My behavior often varies, as I begin inching away. Sometimes, I will turn to going out with my friends constantly in order to distract myself from the other individual. My favorite behavior to send boys running for the hills is to go out of my way to showcase my ability to be a “party animal,” making reckless decisions and trying to showcase the idea that I am “insane,” “untameable,” and “not girlfriend material.” While I do an excellent job posing as a young adult whose full-time profession is to party, I am actually far from being an “insane party animal,” though in my younger years I could say that I excelled in that area of expertise. Other ways to push individuals away include overbooking my schedule, by getting as many jobs as possible, finding as many hobbies as I can, or basically avoiding them by filling my days with non-stop work and responsiblities, so I can make it seem as though I do not have time for them. One last great way to prevent yourself from ever “settling down,” or being apart of a relationship, is to always “go for” the individuals who are unavailable, whether it be emotionally, physically, sexually, mentally, or even as a result of distance. This last tactic is a great way to trick yourself into thinking that what you are pursuing is indeed exciting and fun, however, it gaurantees no need for permanent emotional attachment, or what others would say, any permanent commitment.

This includes myself. I often cringe at all the opportunities in which I held myself back from an opportunity to share a real connection with someone. Sometimes, I wonder if I repel boys, just like mosquito repelent repels boys. I mean I still run around saying that boys have cooties. If they truly have cooties, however, I would like nothing to do with the male race, especially when it comes to dating. I am a HUGE germaphobe and I do not want to contract them.

This fear of not wanting to get hurt, not wanting to get intimate with someone if it will result in pain, heartbreak, or sadness, or not wanting to get involved if this relationship is not going to last forever, are all fears that we all face, whether or not we realize it. For some this fear may not be as relevant, or may not be as severe as some others fears of intimacy, however, the fear will always be there for both parties and all individuals.

A relationship ending or coming to a close, even if it is civil, sucks for everyone, including the person who broke off the relationship. For starters, post-relationship is quite difficult, as you have a lot to adjust to as you begin navigating the world without your partner in crime. A relationship ending brings up emotions that can be correlated with rejection, which always hurts. Not one human being can ever say that being rejected feels good, which is similar to what the end of a relationship feels like. It is not easy to feel these emotions, all while learning to let go of a part of you and re-learning to live again. Often, those in relationships, while this may be general, spend a handful of time with each other and often form routines, hobbies, etc. without even consciously acknowledging these things. It is hard to tell whether letting someone into your life is less painful than letting someone out of your life.

While relationships are often sought after in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this person could be the “one.” The “one” is the presumable spouse that you will marry, as a result of undying love, undying appreciation, undying support, and undying will to fight for one another and argue with each other. This one person is the one person that, once you tie the knot with, you plan on spending the rest of your life with, through the thick and thin, and through sickness and through health.

As we begin growing older, the question of whether spousehood is in your future seemingly becomes more and more apparent, as we begin witnessing those around us, peers and strangers, tieing the knot, or even shooting out babies from the sky. Do not let the pressure of others actions begin to affect your happiness, well-being and inner peace.

According to a random fact I read on Twitter a few years ago, around 75% of 16-year-olds have already met the person that they are going to marry. I am not quite sure that I believe the statistics behind this study, however, the pressure to find your lawfully wedded husband or wife has certainly become a prominent value within many cultures and societies. I, myself, even find myself wondering for hours on end whether or not marriage is in the picture for me, let alone if I will ever be able to experience a relationship so profound that I am willing to set aside my fear of letting my fears, guards, insecurities, and flaws out in the open for a special individual. This is a scary thought for me, because I am very flawed. While my intentions are often good and come from a good place, the actions and behaviors I engage in from time-to-time are often misunderstood, frowned upon, and sometimes I go too far. For someone to have to see me at my worst frightens me for that person, not as much for myself, as I have witnessed myself not at my best many times. While I may know and be familiar with these behaviors, or flaws, these flaws and behaviors that I try so hard to hide from the world are completely unfamiliar to that special someone, as your flaws, behaviors, and insecurities may cause them to become frustrated with you, may cause a fight, or may result in the end of a relationship, or perhaps a marriage.

Even for those who have been in plenty of relationships, or perhaps a handful of very serious ones only, the idea of whether or not the person that you may or may not be interested in, in a relationship in, or married to, is the one.

While I am no expert at love, let along relationships or marriages, I am aware of what a budding, beautiful and healthy relationship looks like. Admist your overworking brain constantly wondering what your marital status will be and/or who you marital partner may be, do not forget to live in the present and try to grasp every opportunity for a healthy, strong, and motivating relationship with someone, even if you do not end up dating. Even if things end up being extremely casual, do not pass up every opportunity, as a result of closing yourself off by assumming that this person is not “THE ONE.”

The complicated part about finding “THE ONE” is that it does in fact require individuals to kiss many frogs, in order to accumulate the values, beliefs, and morals that you would like to uphold within a relationship. There is no need to make a list of createria of the exact traits that an individual must possess in order for you to even consider breathing next to them, however, having a generalized idea of the kind of individual you are looking for can assist you in avoiding those individuals that may not end up being exactly what you are looking for. Finding the “perfect person,” while there is no “perfect person,” requires a lot of experimentation, just like mastering baking a cake takes a lot of experimentation and practice.

The idea of the “perfect one” is unique to each and every person, as not one person is looking for an individual with all the same qualities as another. We all have our unique tastes, our unique personalities, our unique preferences, etc. While individuals can have similar taste in what they are looking for in their significant other, not one will ever have the same exact taste in individuals as you. This makes the dating, or marriage, world extremely incredible, as well as incredibly difficult to manage to find someone who can so carefully understand you, love you, accept you, and want the best for you.

A sidebar: a “perfect person” will not always do perfect things, however, what makes them perfect, or “THE ONE,” is that person being able to manuever, balance, push, argue, celebrate, love, and show care towards your entire being. Not every tactic this person may use, or not every facet of their personality or their existence, will ever be perfect. This is something that we all need to understand. However, when you find “THE ONE,” and I am sure you will know it, you will realize that their perfection comes from the ability to manuever past the imperfections, without growing exceedingly hateful or spiteful towards each other. This kind of manuevering and relationship dynamic requires strong building blocks, as well as a deep understanding of not only their significant other, but themselves. While you may share a fairly similar world, in a relationship, both parties should have their own seperate existence, without becoming co-dependent on eachother. Relationships often go awry when couples begin merging every aspect and facet of their world around each other, completely neglecting themselves and losing touch with their own identity. Boundaries, honesty, self-love, kindness, humor, and compassion are some of the many features that are essential for a budding, fufilling and happy marriage and/or relationship.

While these questions have begun haunting my mind, soul, and body, I have come to terms with the fact that instead of constantly looking around for “THE ONE,” I need to prioritize looking for “ME.” While I am looking for me and living for me, I am learning to be more in-tune with my true-self. With that said, every relationship begins with yourself. Jumping into a relationship, especially if it is serious, when you are truly unhappy, unsure of yourself, and lack an identity, will end up in turmoil. So, while you may be single and ready for a pringle, or perhaps a Jared diamond ring, spend time getting to know yourself and finding happiness within yourself, because if you spend your entire lifetime searching for someone to make you happy and to tie the knot with and you die unmarried, then you will have died unhappy. Instead of chasing the idea of marriage, let the idea of marriage come to you.
Do not just meet an average guy, who may bring you average happiness, who understands you on an average love, but does not truly make you happy, comfortable, excited, and full of butterflies. Instead, keep your standards high, because you do NOT want to be spending your life with someone who ends up making you miserable, or just does not make you happy. You do not want to spend the rest of your life thinking about how much better your life could have been if you had not married your “average spouse,” nor do you want to spend your life regretting the decision you made in haste in order to fufill a societal timeline, or societal pressures.
Marriage requires patience and the experience is not for everyone, but keeping an open mind is always a good idea, because you never know when you can be swept off your feet.

ALSO, STOP PLANNING OR FOCUSING SO MUCH TIME FINDING YOUR NEXT SIGNIFICANT OTHER, OR A SPOUSE. The most natural, strong, and fruitful relationships and marriages that I have witnessed occurred out of the blue, as you should not try to control an aspect of your life that really should be left up to fate. In addition to this, making a lifelong commitment to someone is no joke, AS IT IS A LIFELONG COMMITMENT and NOT A TEMPORARY ONE. Do not rush the process, but feel free to ponder it.

This applies to relationships, as well, whether they are serious or casual. Do not rush into anything that you do not think you are ready for, but also do not hold yourself back by not attempting to make an effort. While a failed relationship hurts, not ever giving it a shot would hurt the most. The pain of a failed relationship sticks for a while, but without that relationship, all the good memories (and, there are always amazing memories) would have never existed.

Relationships, and therefore marriage, are both complex matters, involving the subject matter of love. I may not be an expert at intimacy, however, I am learning and growing. With that said, I am also learning to be patient with myself and realize that not being in a relationship does not make me any less of a person, nor does it make me any less happy than a married individual. With time, I believe that the right people will come along, and I hope that I can find the courage to not hold myself back for fear of truly investing time, emotion, and energy towards an individual, who MAY NOT BE “THE ONE.” How would I know if I do not give it a chance? Life is all about learning and taking chances, so take a leap of faith and try something new.

For those who are in a rush to get married for all the right reasons, I am so happy for you and that you were able to find your “FOREVER PERSON.” That is truly an incredible feat and I am so happy that you are able to spend the life doing what you love, WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU LOVE AND WHO LOVES YOU RIGHT BACK.

FOR ALL YOU SINGLE HUMANS OUT THERE, STAY PATIENT, STAY LOVING, STAY YOURSELF, STAY BEAUTIFUL, STAY SMILING, AND STAY BREATHING BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT MORE TO LIVE FOR OTHER THAN FINDING YOUR FUTURE “FOREVER MATE.”

If you need any consolation about whether or not you will be spoused up before you die, just look yourself in the mirror and ask, “mirror, mirror, on the wall, will I ever have a spouse at all?”

Do not worry – the mirror will not respond to you. But, your reflection will be staring right back at you.

Wondering where I am going with this? Your reflection, which is yourself, if all else fails, will be the one you marry.

Stop fooling yourselves into thinking your single, when in fact, you are dating yourself since you were a baby. As a result, it is only natural to marry yourself. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO KNOWS YOU BEST AND WHO HAS KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST.

So, if you are feeling like not taking a risk, try just marrying yourself.

I will not judge you.

I like me, too.

And, may plan on marrying myself…

With that said, with marriage being such a influential aspect of human life, do not stop getting wed, humans!
You know why? Because, weddings are more fun than the party in Project X.

While the consumation of marriage is a beautiful thing, the after-party is definitely the more beautiful aspect of marriage.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade


P.S. Do not worry, I understand how exciting the idea of marriage is, especially spending a lifetime with a person that is the light at the end of your tunnel, that compliments your existence, that brings you life, that understands you, and that you can spend every waking moment with making memories with. The best part? You get to live your life with your partner in crime, who you know nothing can tear you away from, because they are just that incredible to you. THIS IS VERY EXCITING AND LOVE IS VERY EXCITING. But, give it time, give it love, and give yourself some love too ♥

Also, never forget that while the idea of dying without ever getting married before you die, even if you so badly wished to be married, does not mean that you will die alone, unhappy, and without experiencing someone loving you to the core. Best friends and family will always love you unconditionally and that is something that you should never forget. Even better? Love yourself right back, then you will never go an entire lifetime without ever feeling the reciprocation of love.
Loving yourself right back to your core is the greatest gift of love that you can give yourself, as well as to others.

Love, while it is a tricky thing, is a very powerful force in our universe. Sometimes, “THE ONE,” (YES, THE “PERFECT ONE”) may not end up being the one you end up marrying, or once again, you may just die without ever having been wedlocked. Understand that marriage, or at least a happy, healthy, and strong marriage, is a very difficult concept and act to be apart of. It should be taken very seriously.
Marriage requires more than the fundamental of “love,” because sometimes, two people who may be completely and utterly in-love with eachother and who want the best for each other, may not end up working out for the long-term. This does not mean that the love was not ever present, or that this relationship was a waste of your time. You may never fall out of love from this person, because this person may have truly been the person that you could truly see yourself settling down with for an entire lifetime.
For some reason, while the love was there, and honestly, it seemed like everything was there, some relationships just do not work out for the long-run. Those are the heartbreaking ones and the ones that truly wreck your world, because it almost seemed like nothing was missing, or the relationship felt completely effortless.


With that said, do not ever give up on love. Not just relationships, marriages, or flings, but the act, idea, and power of love. While love some times tears people apart, love has the power to bring so many individuals together and is the binding force of individuals universally. Love does make you do some crazy things and that is something that every soul should appreciate. These acts, fueled by the intentions of love, are contagious, and of course, extremely powerful.

Live your life following the love brick road, not the yellow brick road. You may never know, you may even end up in Kansas.
That would make life too easy for us, which would be no fun.

According to the word on the street, love can be found in only the strangest of places, so chances are you will probably not find your “perfect love,” or “forever love,” or your future spouse, in a very obvious place. This will require you to do some exploring, some adventuring, some digging, some traveling, or for those of you who are a little freaky, a little stalking.

Let the love come to you, unless you are exceptionally talented in seeking for love which is hiding in the strangest of places. If this is truly one of your skills, then I suppose seek for love in all the strangest of places, but love is not an easy one to find. I will warn you of that! She blends into the world better than a chammolione. All you camo freaks, forget it. Love wears Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak 24/7, 365 days, so love will not be in plain sight for you to find.

Since we have resolved that, focus on manifesting love and channeling it into your life. You may not find a spouse, but you may be ten steps closer to finding a lifelong partner.
(There are no statistical numerrals to back this claim up, so take it with a grain of salt).

Life Hack #27 – Ditch The Baggage & Leave Your Junk In The Trunk

Wherever it may be, whether it be at the door, at your exes, at the nearest dumpster, or in your Uber ride, leave your extra (emotional, unnecessary, negative, demeaning, argumentative, entitled, condescending, and/or victimized baggage ditch that unproductive baggage in your living room, kitchen, or wherever you desire, because it is only slowing you down and weighing you down by dragging, rolling, pulling, pushing, or carrying all the extra main brand baggage around you. For those of you that drive, own a car, or Uber (perhaps you may even utilize the trunk of your Uber vehicle by placing some of your junk in the trunk), leave all the extra clutter, or drama, or even outbursts, in the trunk of the vehicle. Clearly, the items do not fit within the front, or main part of the vehicle. so therefore, there is simply no room for all the nonsense that you tend to lug around with you in the main compartment of the car. But, there is room in the trunk. As a result, it is up to the individual to thoroughly and responsibly shift through all the baggage, which can be considered a huge task involving careful prioritizing and picking-and-choosing, and place all their belongings into their car strategically.

The items. or groceries, or junk, or luggage, or baggage (whatever you would like to call it) that you carry around with you everywhere you go metaphorically symbolize the stressors. emotional, physical or mental burdens you may be facing, or any drama that may be occurring in your life. The way that one decides to compact their car (front, back, and trunk) with items, whether it be groceries, junk, baggage or luggage, is a metaphor that depicts how one goes about organizing their personal baggage, attempting to strategically organize their personal baggage from most tolerable baggage to least tolerable, most distracting baggage. Naturally, as the saying goes, leave your junk in the trunk. so the most intolerable baggage will be thrown in the trunk until further notice, to be forgotten, or at least our of sight. The more tolerable, much smaller baggage you may seem to be clinging onto has the pleasure of riding shot-gun with you, as the shot gun seat has the least amount of room for baggage and should be reserved for baggage the size of a large women’s handbag. In short, the smallest and most manageable stressors are allowed to ride up in the passenger seat, as they are easier to carry around with you, and as a result, affect your mood, your life. and your existence the least. Most of the baggage that ride upfront can be correlated with daily stressors that we experience most days. As the baggage gets to be a moderately heavier, but do not completely weigh you down, they sit in the middle or back seat of your car. as they are more unique, specialized issues you have encountered. This type of baggage has a fairly simple solution, but takes a little bit more effort and time to let go of than a small baggage. Large baggage, or enormous baggage, is the type of baggage you want to avoid. This type of baggage weighs heavily on your heart, affects your mood, affects your life, affects your cognition, to name a few things. Often, while this type of baggage has a solution, a solution, or the ability to simply get rid of this baggage, is substantially more difficult than small or medium baggage. This usually requires a long-term solutions, an extended portion of time, much more energy than small and medium baggage, and has the ability to completely derail your life (or, it seems like it).

This goes without saying, however. the less enormous-sized baggage you have hiding in your trunk, or left at your door, the better. The more that enormous-sized baggage begins infiltrating your life, the harder it is for individuals to maintain emotional stability, or any type of stability.

With that said, do not try to store your king-sized baggage upfront – not only will it not fit, but you will be prone to more accidents, frustrations, etc. Also, if you have the opportunity to hide your junk in your trunk, why spend the time you are supposed to be spending being distracted, letting your baggage co-pilot and backseat drive your life? The last thing you need is for your enormous emotional baggage replace you as driver, and having your enormous baggage calling the shots is not a good feeling. The minute you begin prioritizing and unhealthily letting your huge baggage sit up front is the minute you begin letting your baggage take the wheel. Your huge emotional baggage is so large and in charge that if you even let them occupy anywhere but the trunk, the massive baggage will take up so much room, leaving you no room to breathe and forcing you to sit in the back row, as your baggage begins attempting to become the master of your demise. Instead of Jesus taking the wheel, your deep emotional baggage is able to use his enormous mass to overthrow you as the driver. These massive emotional baggages are not to be underestimated. If they were animals, they would be a very dominant animal, as they always dominate our decision-making processes, infiltrate our emotions. destroy our sleep schedules. and never seem to let my calm demeanor and “not-so-baggage” dominate.

The bigger the baggage and the heavier the cargo, the greater the impact and affect the emotional baggage will have on you, emotionally, mentally and physically. It is very common to feel helpless, and it is much easier said than done it comes to dissociate yourself from some of this junk, and be present and mindful.

While you cannot completely ignore your baggage, leave it in your trunk forever. or just let it rot, temporarily abandoning the EXTRA BAGGAGE is never a bad thing.

Sometimes, if you are truly lucky, if you leave your baggage unattended for long enough someone else ends up picking up what-used-to-be your extra baggage. In most cases, someone else picking up your extra-large baggage means that the problem is no longer something you need to be dragging around, but more commonly. someone picking up your extra baggage does not mean you are completely out the woods. Most commonly, it just means that now BOTH OF YOU, including the person who just tried to pick up your abandoned baggage. now have to deal with the baggage together. While it may lighten the load. it only adds more confusion and more baggage.

The key to dealing with attempting to essentially leave behind all your problems and be present for your task, activity, or responsibility, is to repeatedly tell yourself to, “stop looking at the junk in your trunk.” Your mother did give you some junk in the trunk to be proud of, but the last thing you want to be caught doing is examining the junk in your trunk in public – no one wants to see that.

The junk in your trunk, or your abandoned baggage, is meant to be acknowledged at some point, however, do not become your baggage.

With that said, why would you be in any rush to retrieve baggage that you purposely set out to abandon? The action speaks for itself, as the baggage is probably full of unnecessary clutter, or memorabilia that do not bring back good memories. The baggage could even be filled with moldy vegetables, or trash from your trash cans, for all I know. Either way, whatever undesirable worries, emotions, turmoil, pain, drama, or stressors fill your trunk or your king-sized luggage. may try to lure you back in, as you begin to miss the unnecessary “clutter.”

But, instead of listening to that junk in your trunk that is filled with excessive emotional. mental, and physical baggage. and getting sucked back into panicking about your baggage, simply let yourself have a break – a break from dragging your excessive baggage, or in some cases, popping your trunk to take a peek at the junk you are holding on to.

Some baggage, or “emotional speed bumps,” no matter how hard you try to lock it up in your trunk, or try to abandon it somewhere, just does not disappear like that. As we all grow to learn that some problems and hiccups are simply unavoidable to set aside, and require immediate attention by the individual. It does not matter if you are going to work, the grocery store, or even to The Grammy’s, some baggage weighs on you so heavily and follow you persistently, and as a result, you are forced to bring your baggage, or otherwise “junk,” into work.

You may ask how that is possible, and the only answer is that kind of intense and heavy baggage is the kind of baggage that will wiggle their way into your trunk, no matter how small the space is. To make matters worse. that kind of baggage always finds its way back to you, even after you abandon the baggage. No. the baggage does not suddenly gain legs. But, this kind of baggage seems to attract good Samaritans, who taken it upon themselves to not let you leave your baggage behind no matter what. They will yell after you, even if you are purposely ignoring you. If you can still manage to keep ignoring the Samaritan, who has no idea how much of a disservice they are doing you by returning the baggage, I guarantee you that they will manage to speed up and make physical contact with you. in order to get your absolute attention. The worst part about them physically contacting you is that now you can no longer pretend like you do not hear them.

“Here they go, scolding me about how silly I am to be leaving a beautiful black Samsonite suitcase set, consisting of five Samsonite suitcases, behind. Blah, blah, blah…I could have lost a bunch of very important stuff, EVEN THOUGH LOSING THIS BAGGAGE WAS THE WHOLE POINT,” I find myself thinking.

Sometimes, I even find myself wondering if I attract my own abandoned luggage back to me? It is almost as if I am magnetized to them. As you begin to trick yourself into thinking that you can avoid your baggage or problems forever, snap out of it.

Yes, you can leave your worries in another universe, or at the head of a poker table, but they always will be hiding, sometimes discretely or sometimes indiscreetly, and they will not go away until you take care of them.

By “taking care of them,” one could either refurbish their junk, in which an individual begins taking measures to completely abandon their junk at their neighbor’s door. In other cases, “taking care of them [baggage],” one may decide that they no longer want any part of this burden, including any lingering feelings. smells, thoughts, and stress, and that individual may decide to face the baggage head on and legitimately light the entire luggage of baggage on fire. Setting your baggage on fire metaphorically symbolizes putting a legitimate end to that baggage, by completing destroying it and eliminating it from your life. When you are able to completely cleanse yourself or any baggage by gracefully placing your baggage in a bonfire, the phrase “ashes to ashes, dirt to dirt, rest in peace, mother f****r” comes to mind.

While it is not always possible, learning to leave as much of your biggest baggage behind, or at least in your bottle of tequila. is an important skill to master, as you will often be faced with situations, in which circumstances do not allow for, nor do they forgive, using emotional baggage creating a roadblock as an excuse to be absent from obligations. miss deadlines, skip work, to name a few.

In order to enjoy and maximize your time away from the junk in your trunk, it requires one to switch their focus onto the task at hand, not letting the baggage affect your mood. engaging in activities that you enjoy, and being completely present. Similarly, while we all do our best to check our baggage at the door, or at the airline ticket stand, depending on the setting, sometimes it does help to discuss some of the emotional baggage that may be weighing on your shoulders, and perhaps, get some guidance.

Personally, I do my best to refrain from speaking too deeply about emotional baggage, or anything that may make me upset, and I try to invest my time fully into the task that I need to be focusing on. In addition, I do my best to try to interact with other people, because company is always great! It really makes me feel better to also invest some time in listening to other people’s problems and attempting to help them with some of their baggage, which helps keep me distracted and genuinely makes me happy to help others with things they may be struggling with. Kindness, especially unplanned acts of kindness, are a great way to uplift your spirits and assist in not letting your baggage penetrate your life. Similarly, no matter what happens. or how I am feeling, I do my best to stay positive and crack some jokes. Humor is great to lighten any mood and assists in relaxing. especially when you need to just want to escape your problems.

Therapy is great for unpacking baggage, especially the emotional baggage and childhood baggage. While it is difficult to speak about your baggage, therapy is one place where you do not need to truly prioritize hiding your junk in your trunk. In fact, therapy encourages bringing your baggage with you. This is a great feeling – while therapists cannot go out and actively solve all your problems, they are great with helping in brainstorming solutions, but they are even better at listening to you mindlessly talk in circles about “how annoying” and “ugh” this baggage is to deal with.

Every person has been bestowed with minimum 100 bags full of emotional baggage. One does not choose to have baggage, but it is not an option. As soon as you are fresh out of your mother’s womb and the nurses have swaddled you up, baggage is magically bestowed on you. As a fetus. baggage is only developing, and as the fetus begins developing, so does the complexity and the extremity of the baggage that will be your life. As a human, you do not even get the blessing of 3 milliseconds without the burden of baggage.

I do not know a life without “baggage,” and while this life chose me, I can firmly and confidently plead that I did not choose this life.

All I can do is drag my baggage wherever I go. On good days, I can trim some fat off the edges and lighten the load of my baggage, abandoning another Samsonite for someone else to pick up. On bad days, I forget how much of a full plate of food I have before me, and instead of lightening my load. I end up fostering some more adopted baggage that I am extremely eager to get rid of.

While baggage is heavy and baggage is “the worst,” it is important to recognize that even though it’s one of your most persistent stalkers that mentally checking out and leaving all your “drama,” or some of your reality, somewhere other than where you currently are right now is a healthy habit that every one needs to learn. As you begin to grow up and begin facing responsibilities, baggage is not a viable excuse to flake out, not perform, call out of work. miss a deadline, or disregard all of your responsibilities. While you may not be escaping your baggage in the most enjoyable way, such as through school, work, or exercise. it is important to be thankful for the momentary break and distraction you are able to engage in. Because, once you are done with your obligation, you most likely will unveil your baggage one more time. Cherish the time, where your reality has no baggage-less and truly focus on being mindful and ENJOYING YOURSELF. Take advantage of your time away from your dirty laundry, because you can always return to washing laundry again.

Take a deep breath. Let your body feel lighter. Lower your shoulders. Smile.

I imagine most of my baggage to be stored in a five-set Samsonite black mill-wheel suitcase set. The Samsonite suitcase sets provide suitcases of all different sizes and bulkiness, which accurately depicts the variety of sizes of baggage I seem to have hidden within my trunk. My bigger baggage is stored in a baby pink Rimowa Salsa Air Cabin Multiwheel luggage. Did you know my baggage is being stored in a limited edition Rimowa Salsa Air suitcase? I like. my suitcases like I like my baggage, or emotional problems, limited edition.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #26 – Flake Less

“Flake less. Don’t flake off.”

What I mean by this is that you should attempt to flake out on plans as little of times as possible. Following through with your plans, obligations, or any responsibilities for that matter is one of the best qualities that an individual can have – Not to mention, it sends clear signals that you care. Sometimes, it is understandable that we are unable to make obligations or plans, due to outside factors, but making this kind of behavior a negative thing can make it difficult to maintain stability in any aspect of your life. Being a flake sends clear messages that you do not care and that you’re not accountable, which has many repercussions.

Flaking out on plans, or not being consistent, is hurtful, annoying, and can add on unnecessary amounts of stress onto you.

I can say with conviction that I am a flake. Honestly, it is one of my worst qualities and truly hurts others around me. I can make excuses all I want until I die, but no amount of excuses in the world can make up for how frustrating it is for people to get ahold of me, let along try to hang out with me.

In order to avoid being “that flake,” it is important to understand your schedule, your stress levels, and your energy levels, as well as your tolerance to handle hanging out with another person. Similarly, it is important to make sure you take into account your mood, so you do not end up flaking on plans, due to mood swings.

Don’t make plans unnecessarily – this tends to be my problem, as I would love to make time to spend time with all my loved ones as much as possible, all the time. Be realistic and try to make plans in advance, which are the plans that are harder to flake out on.

Be a responsible planner and allocate your time wisely. Also, be sure to take into account the people whose time you may be wasting when you flake out on plans. In addition, you may be hurting someone’s feelings when you do this, as cheesy as that does not sound. People who go out of their way to make plans with you, do this because they genuinely would like to spend time with you. Obviously, if this is not the case, perhaps flaking out on plans may be in your best interest. If someone is investing their time and their excitement to spend time with you, do not let it go to waste. If plans fall through, try to make it up to them.

If you are planning to flake, and you will know when you are not going to end up leaving your bed, be honest and try to notify as in advance as possible. Try to at least be a respectful flake!

For those who cannot help but be flakey, try to convey this message to others and let them know that you are working on getting better with following through with plans and that they should not wait up unless you confirm the plans. I try to let people around me know this, so at least it is on the table. Likewise, if you are just not truly feeling up to it, let them know honestly. There is no need to come up with some big, elaborate lie.

Striving not to be a flake applies to all aspects of your life, including your professional and academic lives.

Being a flake is selling yourself short. Do not be a short flake – it is not cool.

xo.

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #25 – Sweatpants, Hair Up, Chillin’ With No Makeup On

While sweatpants, hair up, chillin’ with no makeup on may not to be my most attractive look, I have learned over the course of my lifetime that you simply cannot dress and look your best every day. Whether you cried the night before, are exhausted, or are stressed, sometimes life gets to us, and therefore, does not allow us the desire and/or time to look our best, as we would rather be comfortable and work with what we got.

Our society places an emphasis on upkeeping your outward appearances, in order to capitalize on a societal norm that the more attractive you are, the more successful, approachable, accepted and happy you will be. These are myths, but our society is quite brutal when it comes to judging others based on what they look like on the outside.

As human beings, we may not even consciously realize that we judge strangers and others around us based on their outward appearance, but we all do it all the time. This does not leave much wiggle room for those who just enjoy dressing comfortably, even in public.

The belief that one must “change,” or “get ready,” to go out into public is overused and overemphasized. While dressing nicely, or how you feel, should be an activity that you enjoy and are doing for yourself, we all once again unconsciously find ourselves in the routine of fixing ourselves up prior to going out into public.

Disregarding the entire act of upkeeping your hygiene, or maintaining some sort of beauty routine, is not something I would recommend, however, when the upkeep becomes more than just a small routine, realize that, as a human being, you should feel comfortable every day.

Above anything else, you want to be happy and comfortable in your own skin, as well as the way you choose to present yourself on any given day.

Even the biggest celebrities you know have their off-days and more than you know. Not to mention, they have the assistance of a team of elite beauty assistances, trainers and a stylist to assist them in overcoming some of the insecurities and burdens that as “normal folk” seem to encounter, YET THEY STILL HAVE OFF DAYS, or days where they may not be dressed in the most fashion-forward outfits, or have a full face of makeup.

It is hard to face scrutiny for your personal appearance, even when you are dressed in what seems like our best outfit to date and are wearing a full face of makeup. If anything, it hurts worse to face scrutiny when you are dressed in what seems like a “best dressed” type outfit, and when you have a full face of makeup. At least when you haven’t exerted any energy towards your outward presentation, you are aware of the obvious fact that you do not care to essentially “try” to primp yourself, and therefore, you are less susceptible to feeling hurt from any backlash you may receive for simply choosing to place your energy and time towards other things.

Primping yourself can be a fun, feel-good activity, as you should put on makeup if you want to, or even cake it on IF YOU TRULY WANT TO. In addition, if you want to whip out a risqué, or trendy, or a feel good or fashion-forward outfit, then you should do so. I am in no way trying to downplay the notion that one should always at least attempt to do things that will help them feel good on the inside and outside when they are out in public, or if they are feeling down.

“Trying,” as the millennials call it, is not a bad thing all the time. If you may not be feeling your best, attempting to primp yourself out and “actually get ready,” or make yourself look good (to your own standards), can help uplift your spirits, worries, or stressors. If you cannot beat them, dress better than them.

When you begin placing too much energy towards the aspect of appearing to look your best, or present yourself in a pleasing manner, becomes a central priority in your life, above your career, friends, family, health, etc., it can truly become detrimental. Usually when your outward appearance becomes such a big concern, looking and feeling your best has probably become more focused on the way that others perceive you, rather than how you perceive yourself. Getting caught up in this kind of comparison, and placing this much energy towards your outward appearance in order to please others, should never be your priority, as you will find yourself in more problems than you can conceptualize. You should take care of yourself for yourself, and you should also look your best, inside and outside, for yourself.

Beyond this, it is incredibly important to address the notion that beauty is not defined by the way that you outwardly appear, dress, or beautify yourself when one is out in public. Even in sweatpants and no makeup, you are beautiful!

If your mind is blown, then you need to reread that last statement and realize you are just as beautiful when you are in sweatpants and have no makeup on. Though you may not feel like it, beauty, while it is somewhat measured by your outward appearance, is and should never be strictly defined by one’s outside.

Do not be so hard on yourself for appearing how you normally do when you are just chilling or hanging out at home, in the privacy and in the comfort of your home. While some circumstances, such as work, job interviews, formal occasions, may require one to adjust their outward appearances accordingly and may have a more formal dress code, do not let your days be filled with the anxiety and fear of not looking your absolute best.

At this point, we all want to accentuate features of ourselves that we enjoy and look nice for ourselves, and others to a certain extent, however, you cannot hide your TRUE self from others forever. At some point, your family will see you looking “not so shabby,” and likewise, so will strangers, friends, acquaintances, ex-lovers, boyfriends or girlfriends, professors etc. This is something that you will need to get used to in order to begin embracing yourself.

Speaking for myself, I have nailed the “no makeup” part, as I was never formally taught to do makeup and genuinely do not wear makeup daily, or ever. For some reason, makeup was never introduced to me, so as a result, even as a 22-year-old, it was never included in my primping routine. I focus more on the fashion, the hygiene, the health, and the hair side of looking my very best. Just like any other individual, I have taken my outward appearance too seriously unnecessarily and find myself beating myself up for not being my best, even if it meant outwardly.

Maintaining your very best is tiresome more often than not. However, not outwardly appearing your best out in public is a sort of initiation that every human being has to endure, in order to realize that beauty, especially in our own eyes and the eyes of others, can be found even within the most oversized sweatpants, within the most bare naked face, and within the slightest bit of fat on your body.

No one is born perfect – nope, not any aspect of a human is perfect. This applies to their outward appearance, as well.

When you find yourself over analyzing your looks and outward image, just realize that we are all human and that it is okay not to exert very much effort on your outward appearance when it is not necessary. Just like many things in life, you cannot win every battle, especially looking your very best. But, it never hurts to attempt to look your best during every battle, even if you lose. It truly may make you feel better.

Sometimes the pressure of life gets to you, and once again, that is quite alright This pressure may result in one neglecting their hygiene and personal appearance, in order to cope, to heal, etc. You can try to fight it as hard as you and fight the good fight, but do not end up fighting yourself over something as insignificant as your “outsides,” or outward appearance.

As the celebrities say, not every day can be a red carpet day.

Be human. Be comfortable. Be happy. Because, you are beautiful.

Your sweatpants, hoodies, leggings, oversized t-shirts, and baggy attire are beautiful.

Your natural beauty is unmatched.

Get comfortable with your “normal” self, or your essentially naked, or most raw, or most vulnerable self, by allowing yourself the freedom of “not trying very hard” when you are getting ready. Look at yourself in the mirror. Breathe.

You are still alive. You are still breathing. Most importantly, you are still beautiful.

You can never hide genuine beauty, as it always manages to find a way to seep out from nowhere.

At least if you are ugly on the outside, you can redeem yourself by being beautiful on the inside 🤙🏾 Just kidding!

All jokes aside, allow yourself to truly embrace the “chill” and “I am too lazy to care” life. Let your soul and your outsides radiate with all natural beauty. Begin loving a pale face, sweatpants, and a low-maintenance look. Try to embrace an all-natural and untouched look, because there is no reason anyone should ever feel like they should hide their most natural, their most comfortable, and their most naked self.

Do not forget every once in a while to go out of your way to celebrate and express yourself with your outward appearance. You deserve to treat yourself, even if it means spending a little more time in front of the mirror crafting your perfect look for your day.

Whether you decide to glam it up, or play it down, you are still beautiful to me 💝
Simply put, if you like it, or feel like it, wear it!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #24 – Spice Up Your Life

Every once in a while, it is good to shake things up in your life, even if you do not feel comfortable doing it or lack the enthusiasm to do it. It is always good to keep your eyes peeled for new opportunities to grow, love and laugh, and keep your heart open to new people, places, and habits.

You may surprise yourself with how much happiness keeping an open mind and heart can bring into your life.

Some new opportunities, including opportunities for new friendships, opportunities for growth, opportunities to smile, opportunities for new memories, opportunities for a new job, etc., may scare you at first, but try to keep an open mind and heart. It may take you a little bit longer than you would like to allow some new and extra spice in your life, but I promise you will not regret it. If this new opportunity does not end up seemingly benefitting you in the way that you had hoped and imagined, you have the ability to learn from this new experience and learning is always important.

While the synchronistic aspects of life are truly important and should always be celebrated, you can always add some more “spice” to these synchronistic aspects of your life, which often only heightens the enjoyability factor of your life.

Recently, as I began adjusting to new aspects of my life, weaving through all the ups-and-downs of getting acclimated, I decided to open my heart up to a new person, who had been extending their joy and happiness to me. I was hesitant at first, as I have found myself to be a creature of habit and seemingly can be close-minded to change.

The funny thing about my hesitation was that this individual seemingly had caught me off-guard simply due to her genuine kindness and happiness, giving me no substantial reason to ever question her intentions or her kindness. Even if I attempted to nit-pick at this human being, she seemingly gave me no real reason EVER to question or doubt her.

So, after much speculation and thought, I decided to stop letting all my irrational fears cloud my head and let some new friendships into my life. I forgot how exciting new friendships are, especially when these friendships are with people who are super outstanding and genuine people! I forgot how exciting it is to learn from other people’s simple presence and their own attitude; sometimes these new people who you let in can be inspiring. They may even inspire you to grow a little bit and their exceptional personalities may be motivating to be around, as they may serve as gentle reminders to be better versions of yourself.

This happened to be the case with me. After deciding to open up my heart a little bit more and try a little bit harder to embrace these new opportunities, I ended up beating myself up for not taking advantage of the beautiful, inspiring blessing and friendship right in front of me. It is not every day that you come across a genuinely humble, positive, good-humored, kind and loving human being that is also patient. This kind of kindness, patience, and humility was inspiring for me to see. In addition, it was particularly refreshing to come across an individual that possessed so many qualities that I respected and admired to an extent where I felt inspired to keep growing. Allowing my friendship with this person to grow and letting her into my life a little more was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Encountering people, who have literally become a source of motivation to grow and change, and ultimately, learn from, is an incredible thing. The more you surround yourself with individuals, who serve as inspirations and motivators for positive behaviors and personal growth, are individuals that you need to surround yourself with more. With that said, you can always learn a lot from another person, so do not withhold yourself from that blessing and gift.

This is the beautiful thing about opening your heart up to new experiences, or some spice, as you may end up surprised with the results of your decision. It may leave feeling grateful that you decided to be more open-minded, loving, and accepting, as you would be full of regret if you had never given this opportunity a chance.

My reasoning behind my lack of acceptance towards love is based on my own self-doubt, insecurities, and fear, but how can you spice up your life if you never give spices a chance? It is okay to be a little reserved and protect your heart, but sometimes I take this too literally and run with it too far. There’s no need to build The Great Wall of China around your heart, soul, and personality, in order to “protect” yourself, your feelings, and, in a sense, isolate yourself. Sometimes, being too reserved or protective of yourself can turn out backfiring on you, as you begin religiously closing yourself off to new doors and opportunities. Old habits do not open new doors, opportunities, or spices. With that said, you are essentially declining the offer to engage in the activity of living your life to its’ fullest extent by intentionally choosing to hold yourself back.

Life already withholds us back from certain opportunities, whether it is due to circumstances or mistakes we have made, so do not allow yourself to become somewhat victim to living your life “safely,” constantly exposing your palette to bland food. Expand beyond salt and pepper, because there is a whole ‘nother universe outside of salt and pepper. Try something new – it is not every day that spices come your way. When the opportunity presents itself, and you have access to some spices, allow them to expand your palette and enjoy it. Your first bite may be confusing, overwhelming, or even bad, but do not let that discourage you. On the other hand, your first bite can be completely life-changing, super good, and totally tubular. Maybe you won’t be able to get enough of it. Once you have played around with spices enough, you begin to get the hang of spicing up your life and can begin mastering certain aspects of utilizing spices. The key is allowing yourself to accept the spices that are handed your way – if you never allow yourself to experiment with the spices you have access to, you will never know what could come from using them.

Allow the spices to take over the entire meal and your entire palette. Let the spices do what they are supposed to do and let them manifest their own destinies.

Do not ever disregard a spice, or an opportunity to spice up your life, before allowing yourself to taste the spices.

yess

The rules are simple – broaden your palettes and be prepared to spice up your life!

xo,

Aichan Tewahade

Life Hack #23 – Be A Chameleonaire

Over the last week, I have taken a complete, thorough leave off of social media, my phone, social life, and blogging. This was as a result of having to make some fairly substantial changes within my life that I have been struggling to transition and to adapt to the way I would like to. In addition, this transition seems to be taking longer than I had expected.

My life has been a little stressful and overwhelming, as I am experiencing a time of transition and change – one that is positive and beneficial for me, but been quite difficult. While I have been enjoying every minute of it, and sometimes struggling to adapt calmly, I needed to realize my priorities and separate myself from social media, the Internet, blogging, my friends, my phone, among other aspects in my life.

During times of change and transition, which are completely inevitable during life, learning to accommodate the alterations of your life may consume your life, stress, and thought processes, in which you completely forget and disregard other relevant, or irrelevant, stressors in your life. Your life completely becomes consumed by the change happening around you and your focus barely leaves the attention of the “newness” of your life.

The “newness” of your life can be completely exciting, but it requires one to make changes and adjustments to one’s daily routine, priorities, and time-management.

In order to make a successful, and somewhat smooth, transition to the changes that you are incur during your life, it is best not to overwhelm yourself with the frustrations of having to make these changes in your daily routine. Having synchronicity and a sense of familiarity and comfort truly provides a sense of a security blanket, allowing one to build a daily routine, know one’s limits, know how to manage your time, and reduces one’s stress levels.

The process of adapting to change truly depends on the person, the timing of the change, the predictability of the change, the level of extremity of the change, and one’s willingness to want to make the change. Do not expect the journey of adaptation to take 24-hours, as it takes much longer to adapt to changes within your life.

You may find yourself frustrated, as you may find that you have to make extreme accommodations to your life and daily routines, which I find the most frustrating. In addition, it takes much more time to truly be adapted and feel comfortable with the changes you make within your life.

As adapting to changes is a process, you will begin to realize that while the journey may become more comfortable with time, there are many layers to adjusting and transitioning to changes. While you may have found some ease in some aspects of the change, making a full transition in all aspects of the change within your life may take years.

If only it was much easier…

The fascinating thing about change and learning to transition and adapt to any new aspects of your life is that adapting to new situations, circumstances, etc. occurs daily and more than we know.

No day ever goes PERFECTLY. In fact, every day, every individual must overcome some sort of hurdle within their day, whether it may be seen as big or small. These speed bumps are within our daily, regular routines, require one to make transitions and adapt to the roadblock ahead of them, in order to conquer this “change.”

Changes make anyone and everyone feel extremely uncomfortable, whether they show it, or express it, or not. Some individuals are great at masking their unconformability, frustrations, etc. when being faced with change. Others express their struggle to embrace change differently, or perhaps more visibly.

Adapting to changes, or being forced to make changes in your life, no matter who you are, is difficult. Changes bring out our greatest insecurities that may unveil some behaviors that are risky or unhealthy, changes in our mood, raise feelings of self-doubt, and have us feeling extremely vulnerable, insecure, and unsure. It is important, especially during the first few days, weeks, months, or even years, to be kind to yourself, and understand that we all internalize and process the idea of change at our own pace.

While it is easy to preach that having the best attitude possible towards the situation of change is the best way to handle it, it is not easy and you will, even I find myself, having a bad attitude, displacing my negative feelings onto others, acting impulsively, and engaging in self-doubt. I definitely fake it, even fight it, until I make it, at whatever cost.

But, while I secretly deep down possess a love/hate relationship with change, I believe it is one of the most beneficial experiences that one must go through.

During this journey of adaptation, you are able to learn a substantial amount about yourself. All the insecurities that you try to hide, all the walls you try to keep up, all the ways that you negatively cope with these changes, and all the ways you try to appear from being vulnerable or weak all reveal themselves. You must learn to test yourself and find productive ways to overcome these struggles, anxieties, and emotions. As, the longer you fight making adjustments to your life as a result of the inevitable, or inevitable change, the more difficult things may become for you.

And, yes, you will, whether you would like to or not, find yourself asking for help. No one wants to seem weak, clueless, out of the loop, etc., however, the only way to get through these times is to understand that it is okay to ask others around you for help. If you do not feel like you need help, simply asking a friend, trusted source, or opening up to just anyone can help alleviate your stress. Dealing with change is something that everyone can relate to, as nothing ever stays the same.

Personally, when change involves having to get accustomed to meeting new people, working together with those who are strangers, etc., I find myself struggling to adapt to overcome my own insecurities and clam up. I tend to isolate myself, which at times, makes me seem and come off as a nasty, shy, or catty girl. For me, adjustment serves the hardest when I have to encounter a new group of people, as I have found that I am an acquired taste and somewhat hard to understand, or perhaps relate to, especially when one first encounters me.

I, for one, hate seeming vulnerable, hate not coming off as perfect or professional, and sometimes, find myself suppressing my more humorous, outgoing side. So, often, when I first meet a new group of people, or a new person, I am often quiet and find myself observing those strangers around me, rather than focusing on getting acquainted with these new individuals. I would normally find this exciting, however, recently adjusting to meeting new people has become difficult for me.

For the first week of work, awkward, silent, and moderately funny was the approach I was going to take, as I wanted these new co-workers to realize that I am a hard-working, all while being taken seriously. I also, due to my own insecurities, took on a negative attitude of “why having to take on the burden of having to get to know 30 people who I will probably never talk to or hear from in five years,” so I decided to be negative, have an attitude, isolate myself, and change my whole persona. I felt those around me either confused, annoyed, and even not wanting to exert energy in even having to deal with this attitude and behavior. This was not successful, as I highlighted in my resume that I am outgoing and I am a team-player. Honestly, being cold-shouldered and not caring, is truly not who I am.

So, as the second week of work approached, I tried yet again. This time, I was going to try to take a chance, despite what my inner, negative thoughts were yelling at me. “This is work, it sucks anyways. Why waste energy to get to know these people? Just get into work and then get out.” But, I love to make the best out of everything, even long hours at work. Yes, work is work, but why make it more painful than not?

In this moment, I realized, “WOW! I am over thinking things. Just take a deep breath, accept the change, be awkward, and do not force anything out of myself or anyone that I do not want to. JUST CHILL OUT.” Instead of hiding my personality, or trying to pretend to be hardcore, I tried simply being vulnerable, asking for help, and most importantly, putting myself out there. Also, I needed to spend time worrying less about other people, worrying more about learning the job, and worrying about myself doing my job correctly. With that said, the rest would fall into place. I cannot change who I am, constantly going back and forth with how I want to present myself at work, so I just succumb to being the derp that I am.

Now, over the weekend of the second week of work, my true colors (the ditzy side of me, the more outgoing side of me, the less serious side of me, the weird side of me, etc.) began to show. The “little Ms. Perfect” act only worked for about two weeks, maximum. Now, I must say, even I was a little shocked by how quickly letting go of these negative feelings, over thinking, and all the toxic thoughts in my head, lead to me finally beginning to realize how quickly these adaptations could have been made, if only I had stuck to worrying about the important, more relevant things about transitioning to a new job.

Yup, to be real, my “little Ms. Perfect” persona was quickly murdered when I literally took a spill in front of one of my co-workers that I did not know very well and presumably gave a cold-shoulder to. Everything was going great, as I pretended to be perfect, to maintain composure and suppress my personality.

Here we go…this is what I call true embarrassment and revealing your most vulnerable side.

I literally slipped on a slippery and wet floor, as it felt like the concrete I was standing on was ripped from underneath me. I slipped on my butt, bruised every inch of my body, and knocked over quite a few many things. This was the moment when I decided to reveal my biggest secret of all: I am NOT perfect, I am very ditzy, I from time-to-time suck at life, and this is me most days. I am a human.

To say that my co-worker had tried hard not to laugh at me, as it happened so randomly, is an understatement. I am sure my cold-hearted exterior and negative demeanor made her hesitant to even crack a smile, as she had seen me crack, WHICH I NEVER LIKE PEOPLE SEEING ME DO. She just could not help it – “Finally, we see her in her true flesh,” she probably thought to herself.

She laughed VERY HARD, but apologized after laughing histarically and even in between every breathe. I am assuming, because she finally was able to capture a glimpse of the somewhat ridiculous and far-from-perfect person that I am. Whether she felt bad or not about actually laughing, does not matter. It was funny – she truly did not even need to ask if it was socially acceptable to laugh. In fact, I encouraged it. All this time I spent acting like I did not want to meet new people, make new friends, bond with others, and not seem perfect, all dissipated within seconds. I finally showed my true colors – I am not really the serious person, or whatever person, that I was trying to present myself as.

This slippery fall was the most painful reminder I have received in a while, as I have bruises everywhere to show for it, to remain true to yourself, not be so bitter, to not pretend like I do not make mistakes, to not make your life so much harder for yourself, etc. Most importantly, it taught me that being vulnerable and having fun at work is possible – also, there’s no need to hurt yourself in trying to present yourself as the perfect worker ever and isolate yourself from others.

No matter how hard you fight trying to be relatable, or trying to fight enjoying life, the gig will be up quickly.

Yes, you will take spills when you are experiencing changes, but yes, people will be understanding and are not trying to make things harder for you. Ask for help, especially when things are new to you. Take time to get to know your new environment. Open yourself up to new experiences. Learn that it will not be easy, but that is what others are there for.

While my new job occupies a significant amount of time, I have found that letting go of the animosity of having to make changes to my life and adjust to them has made it much easier on myself to process and transition much more quickly. Being open about communicating your thoughts and insecurities that you may be experiencing, while you are enduring these transitional phases of changes, is in your best interest. Not having a cold attitude, standoff-ish attitude about these changes, and realizing that it is uncomfortable for everyone, including your co-workers to also endure these changes, as there is once again a new employee, is also important. Getting acquitted with your new environment to the best of your extent and with a positive, outgoing mind is what is best.

An opportunity for change often leads to new experiences that you would have never come across if you had not taken a chance to take a leap of faith for change. Do not be afraid of the challenges, or fears, that may come of making a change to your life.

Change is difficult, can suck sometimes, but KNOW IT IS HEALTHY AND BUILDS CHARACTER. Allow yourself to be vulnerable during these times and get to know yourself a little better. Change is inevitable, however, there are ways to alleviate the stressors and anxiety that come of it. Remember, learning to adapt and transition to new situations, new environments, or even to new co-workers or to peers, is a process. Do not be hard on yourself.

The more experience you have to adapt to changes, the more accepting you will become of change.

Open your heart to some new experiences. It is much encouraged. Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of courage.

Let life shake you up a little bit, and as Taylor Swift belts, “shake it [the insecurities, emotional stressors, negative thought processes, and animosity, as a result of the change] off.”

As my mother constantly reminds my father, “You are a chameleon.” My father has the ability to adapt to changes in environment, social situations, professional changes, circumstantial situations, or many challenges very easily and quickly accordingly, taking into consideration the thorough circumstances of the “change,” without hesitation or without a negative attitude. This is something I admire. In fact, it almost seems unnatural how accepting and willing he is to embrace change and how quickly he is able to adapt to and make solutions to any changes he may encounter. It is a skill that I truly admire, as he does it with ease.

[Take some notes]


Here are some noteworthy features of chamelone’s that may serve useful in embracing a chamelonesque ability to adapt to change:

  1. Be vigilant of your surroundings & use your eyes, in order to successfully adapt and assess your next move
    “Each eye of the chameleon can move independently… They have a 360-degree wide view arc of vision and are capable of seeing two directions at the same instance…When they lock down their vision on any object (let’s say a prey), both eyes are brought to focus offering a sharp stereoscopic vision. This gives them the ability to precisely gauge the distance and plan on the next move.” (http://www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/)
  2. Learn to adapt to situational circumstances quickly (however, changing the color of your exterior is optional)
    “Typically, the top layers of the chromatophores have either a yellow or red pigment while the lower ones have white or blue pigments. These four colors combine to give the chameleon the color it desires. While it was believed for long that this camouflage feature helps the animal to avoid detection in a hostile environment or while stalking its prey. However, recent studies have proved that the color change is due to variation in mood, temperature, and light.” (http://www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/)

Learn to be a chamelone.

xo,

Aichan Tewahade


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Sources

  1. “10 Interesting Chameleon Facts.” Chameleons as Pets, www.chameleonsaspets.com/chameleon-facts/.